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I don't even know what's going on with me anymore

S

Something Is Wrong

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Joined
Apr 20, 2015
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I'm not even sure what's up with me. What is my problem I don't know. It seems like my problems are not that serious to be taken care of.

Before a few years back I used to get moderately-severe depression episodes. Would last about a month or two and during that time there would be a lot of suicidal Thoughts

But now I don't get it that severe. Since November I've been getting depressive thoughts where I feel like I'm better off dead. I had also made various various suicidal plans and dates (but never attempted) and Wrote very bitter things about me. Even when I'm doing the simplest things my head would tell me it's useless and what a pain I am to this world. Also sometimes I would be feeling "okish" and the next second you know my mind is flooded with depressive thoughts and I zone out and look lost. Completely lost in my thoughts

But the thing is I don't feel that depressed. I'm not that tired. I don't over sleep. I can get out of bed. My fine motor skills are normal. I'm not crying that often and when I do feel like it I still don't cry. My sex drive doesn't diminish. But why is it that I still get these thoughts? I still go ahead and do my things whilst having these thoughts (though I must admit my thoughts makes me feel bad about myself for being a horrible person).

Does anybody relate to it? It makes me feel pathetic because those that I have spoken to just say "it'll pass. You're perfectly normal". But am I? There isn't really a trigger that triggers these thoughts. It just happens and it won't stop. But it's not that severe to be treated (as compared to others that actually have an issue and their symptoms are much more severe than mine).

My family doesn't believe in mental illness so I can't really turn to them for help. Everything for them is just because of "temporary" problems so the most I'm told is to "just get over it. you can pray it away".

Anybody go through this? Is this something I should actually consider or something I should just brush off. Is this serious?
 
BorderlineDownunder

BorderlineDownunder

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Nov 23, 2015
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Mental illness not only exists theres forums for it

:hug: and welcome

I think you answered your own Q in your ID
 
Foxjo

Foxjo

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Hi and welcome to the forum x
something is wrong depression comes in many forms and affects people in different ways. It does sound as though you are having episodes. Have you thought about going to see your doctor and get their opinion?
Keep talking
hugs
fox
 
S

Something Is Wrong

Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2015
Messages
10
@BorderlineDownunder thank you. I know something is off but I don't know if this is considered normal and if I should seek help for it.

@Foxjo I have thought about it but my family doesn't really believe in mental illness. They know I have something going on in my head but they tell me it's normal and I can "pray it away". They also think being depressed/having depressive thoughts is a sin so they would not let me go to the doctors about it. Also on the other hand there is my head telling me everything is ok and I'll just be wasting the doctor's time because it's not that severe as compared to other people.
 
Kerome

Kerome

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Often someone in the family suffering a mental illness becomes a process of education for the entire family. That initial denial is something I've seen before on the forums, and it usually isn't helpful. If you talk these things through with your doctor he should be able to help.

Also you should be aware that depression can get worse over time. In its early stages it is much easier to treat, even with a holistic method such as a combination of taking up running and doing meditation. The medication for depression though is a bit dodgy, often the pills increase suicidal urges over the first few months and many medicines don't do better than placebo pills (which do nothing).
 
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