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I don't belong here

Kerly13

Kerly13

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Aug 11, 2020
Messages
57
Location
Chertsey
So I have been battling with my identity. I'm 26 years old and I don't belong in this world, I don't know who I am, I feel like a burden on everyone I know. I have completely alienated myself from the world at the moment I am living with my parents and they are the only people I speak to,because I have too.. I have no desire to talk or be friends with anyone else.... I feel like a fraud. No job desires, no boyfriends or family desires. I am so lost I want to end it all. I have no purpose.
 
B

bpd2020

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May 25, 2020
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England
I am so sorry you are feeling you do not belong in this world. A lot of us with bpd struggle with our identity as we have not been allowed to develop our personalities as children. I can understand you isolating yourself. You sound very depressed and isolation is a way of protecting yourself from any more hurt. You are going to be having therapy soon and this will help you more then anything. Please know you are not alone on here.
 
Kerly13

Kerly13

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 11, 2020
Messages
57
Location
Chertsey
I know that I'm not alone on here, I feel so safe being able to speak my mind, thank you for being so lovely and understanding. I've never fit in and it's just got worse in my own head and I can't control it. I feel like a kid and can't make my own decisions, I hate myself. and don't like anyone else to be really honest right now.
 
GhostOfLenin

GhostOfLenin

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I know that I'm not alone on here, I feel so safe being able to speak my mind, thank you for being so lovely and understanding. I've never fit in and it's just got worse in my own head and I can't control it. I feel like a kid and can't make my own decisions, I hate myself. and don't like anyone else to be really honest right now.
You fit in just fine here and will never be a burden.
 
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bpd2020

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I can understand you hating yourself. Maybe it is the way you feel and the thoughts you have that you hate. That is just something worth considering. It can be really hard to have to make our own decisions. I think you are brave to post how you are feeling.
 
Kerly13

Kerly13

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 11, 2020
Messages
57
Location
Chertsey
Thank you ghost for your kind words. And BPD. Thank you. I don't feel brave because I don't really tell anyone else how I feel, don't know how to process it myself so I just keep it to myself. I'm now a stranger to everyone I know.. does anyone see someone they know and immediately hide so they don't see you? I do that all the time.
 
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bpd2020

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England
I hide if I see anybody I recognise while I am out. I hate making small talk. I can understand you keeping all your feelings in. It can be hard to talk about them when we cannot make sense of them ourselves.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Jul 31, 2020
Messages
4,456
Location
Canada
I hide if I see anybody I recognise while I am out
I sort of do the same, often don't even wanna say hello to people I've known a long time, have that awkward feeling that makes me want to escape. I don't even like walking past a neighbor's house, I get self-conscious about that.
 
M

ManDss

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Apr 22, 2018
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Location
Argentina
Hi there kerly, so bad to hear u are not feeling good.

Hope u can feel better soon.
 
Kerly13

Kerly13

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Joined
Aug 11, 2020
Messages
57
Location
Chertsey
I sort of do the same, often don't even wanna say hello to people I've known a long time, have that awkward feeling that makes me want to escape. I don't even like walking past a neighbor's house, I get self-conscious about that.
Yes! I avoid my neighbours at all costs.. hate talking to anyone.
 
V

verydazed

Member
Joined
Sep 25, 2020
Messages
5
Location
australia
I’m not that old but for as long as i remember i’ve had nobody to talk to, except paying for a psychologist when everyone else can live there lives with ease. i used to avoid mirrors at all cost as i was so disgusted in myself and appearance, was never good enough and always had my mind looping about everything. i moved away from my home and found nothing but people who talk shit behind my back while all i tried was talking about real things and thoughts. i’ve moved back and i really feel like i don’t belong and am so use to chucking a fake smile on i don’t even know who i am. my head throbs everyday and i’m constantly worried about leaving home and thinking what will happen. my guilt is never not in my head and sickening feelings are always with me
 
Kerly13

Kerly13

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 11, 2020
Messages
57
Location
Chertsey
Verydazed.. so sorry you feel this way seems as though we have a lot in common do you have any friends you can talk to?
 
V

verydazed

Member
Joined
Sep 25, 2020
Messages
5
Location
australia
i just can’t bring my shit all to them they all have there lives and problems to be focused on, i just want to be open without making them turn away
 
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