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I don't belong....anywhere...

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echo66

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Aug 21, 2014
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226
I don't even know where to post on here...or even if I should post...

So many issues, overwhelming.

Too unwell for Primary Care Team, not unwell enough for CMHT. Patch up and ship out, doesn't matter if the person is still suicidal, so long as they aren't in imminent danger of acting upon it.
Tried meds, can't tolerate or don't work.
Been in counselling, she doesn't think there is anything more she can do for me from a therapeutic point of view and is bringing the sessions to an end.
Yes, I have a better understanding of my situation than a few months ago - but it hasn't dealt with the underlying suicidal feelings, the self-harming, the desire to just not be here any longer... do I just have to learn to live with feeling like this? Or hope that the urges become so great one day that I'll just act on them, problem solved.

Am so tired. So fed up of reaching out for help and finding the doors closed in my face. I thought there was a tiny glimmer of hope, but all hope did was chew me up and spit me out...
 
messymoo

messymoo

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I'm sorry you stuck between the two with no real help in sight. It sounds a horrible place to be. It's rubbish they are just leaving you unsupported. Is there a mind or rethink drop in near you at all they can be a great support and run courses in all sorts of things that may be helpful. Thinking of you :hug5:
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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So sorry you're feeling like this. Hope things improve for you soon.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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Have you tried IAPT to see if you can get on CBT?
 
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echo66

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Aug 21, 2014
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Thank you for your replies. Have problems phoning so emailed local Mind 2 weeks ago but haven't had any response, contacted the main office using their text service, but they said each branch has their own referral system, so I need to contact them directly.
I was referred to IAPT last year by GP, waited 3 months for a 1/2 hour phone assessment, only to be told that they didn't think their services were appropriate as I was regarded as too high risk.
It's just been a merry-go-round of:
GP - IAPT - GP - PCT (discharge after 6 appts) - Counselling - referral back to PCT (discharge after 2 appts) and a curt letter in response to a desperate letter from me, asking for further help, informing me that PCT was a short term signposting service and that referral to CMHT was only for "serious MH problems".

Guess they don't regard someone who SH's and is actively suicidal as having a serious problem then...

I just feel so lost.
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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I'm sorry that you are being failed :hug1: have you got a support or social worker who can do some telephone chasing up for you? Do you feel more therapy would help? You've made the right steps by reaching out, i just hope someone has an answer for you
 
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Alienated

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Wow... I am so there with you... And I am hated everywhere I go, just for getting old.

None of the professional here know about the needs of my generation, or care.
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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Hi echo,

really sorry you are having trouble getting the support that you need. Services are a mess imo, they are wanting to shunt people off because they do not have the capacity and will use any excuse to try and push people out. My OH is being messed around by services atm as well, I really hear what you are saying.

I know if you are needing to have input from a CMHT in order to qualify for ESA that is a worry. I wondered though if this might help you

Other affordable options for people on low incomes | the free psychotherapy network

Find free and reduced fee psychotherapy near you through the Free Psychotherapy Network | the free psychotherapy network

they might be able to help you find someone who does low cost or free therapy. I think it is very unfortunate that services do not equip us to do anything more than manage feeling crap (imo), I think if you want better quality of life often you will need to look outside of services.

You could also try enlisting the help of an advocate to obtain services from the NHS. Mind should be able to help you find one in your area. xx
 
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danijp

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Feb 20, 2015
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I do have plenty of sympathy as I have been there but do you really have nothing to live for? Why end your life it was given to you and you want to end it?
Sometimes you have to be hard on yourself and actually get help all by your self.
I read lots of self help books I went to seminars on building self belief they cost me but god I now know I was worth it!
 
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echo66

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Aug 21, 2014
Messages
226
Toasted Crumpet, many thanks for those links, I had a look but none are in or even near my area, not even a commutable distance. There is so little provision for MH where I live, whether it be public or private sector.

Maybe.she's.a.wildflower - I don't have any kind of support or social worker. I am regarded as a 'functioning-depressive' so obviously not seen as being in need of support.

Alienated - I'm so sorry you feel like this, I think people become invisible when they get to a certain age and that is so wrong. People deserve to be helped and supported whatever their age.

danijp - reading self-help books is all very well, but it is an isolated activity; I need real-world human contact.
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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I wish I could think of something else you could do, I hope someone else will be able to think of something.

It is terrible that people who need help are falling between the gaps because of bureaucracy, it is just a way of lessening the amount of work services have to do, they want to be able to turn people down for whatever reason so their workload is lighter as they are overstretched.

Knowing that doesn't help you, of course.

Have you tried Depression Alliance? Even if they don't have support groups in your area they do a penfriend service. I know it's not the same thing as face to face contact but maybe better than nowt.

The only other thing would be to suggest low cost therapy if you get DLA you might just be able to afford it..the BACP should be able to find someone in your area who does it

BACP Find a Therapist - Counselling and psychotherapy | It's good to talk
 
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echo66

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Aug 21, 2014
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Thank you Toasted Crumpet for your kind words and all your efforts to suggest options. xx
 
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echo66

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Aug 21, 2014
Messages
226
After a fruitless visit to the GP this week when I reached desperation point, and I really have to be desperate to visit my GP - because all she could suggest was re-referring me back to the PCT - who have already discharged me twice and then sent me a curt letter informing me that I don't qualify for help from the CMHT in reply to a desperate letter from me asking for help; or asking for my counselling sessions to be extended (which they have already said they won't do).

At least 4 different people have suggested Maytree to me, so maybe that is a sign I should contact them...?? But they are in London and I am nearly 300 miles away, plus with work and other responsibilities, I don't see how I can just disappear for 4 nights - that's even assuming they would take me, I believe they turn away more people than they accept... would be interested to know if anyone else on here has stayed at Maytree or had contact with them.

I am now researching private therapists in my local area, I know choice shouldn't be dictated by price, but my god, they know how to charge! Not sure how many appointments I would actually be able to afford...so unsure whether it is even worth going down this road.

Perhaps I just have to learn to 'live with' my suicidal thoughts (if that isn't a contradiction in terms...) and try to work through them when they get bad... or hope that one day they become too overwhelming and I just act on them - problem solved...
 
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Helena1

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I don't know about your family or work commitments but what about the easter weekend, do you get them off?
 
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