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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

I done with being an open book & I give up!

S

SicklyBloom

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 20, 2020
Messages
169
Location
USA
I've come to the point where I'm completely and utterly done with reaching out to people. I don't care what anyone thinks, I'm done trying because I always fail again and again. I'm numb and have this feeling that I can only describe as being smothered. I'm not done with everyone's fake sympathy and unrequited feelings, if you can't do it, don't! It's as simple as that! I'm not someone to feel sorry for, I'm just stuck in between like usual. I'm suicidal with no friends or close relatives to help me through, I have a therapist but she's not supposed to be my friend. I know people these days are always joking about how depressed they are and it honestly doesn't help me. It only invites trouble into my life and creates this false sense of security. I've been neglecting myself and so has everyone else. I hate how I feel like such a burden now and how my dad's toxic parenting has done nothing but give me a low-self esteem. I'm sorry to break to you, but there's nothing healthy about a father who pushes his own shortcomings onto his own children and then gets to play favorites as well. He has caused me so much anxiety and depression growing up due to his emotionally distant nature. He literally tries to use materialism to make amends and when you confront him, he'll use what he's done for you against you! My mother has had it with his shenanigans and knows how negatively he's affected me. Plus, I'm codependent due to my anxiety and depression so he has more control over my life and I hate myself for letting that happen. I'm seriously considering suicide because I feel like nobody cares! No, really! Nobody actually cares, it's all for sympathy's sake. If you cared, you'd reach out regardless if you know them or not. You'd let them talk and you'd only listen. You'd see yourself in their situation and you'd let your experience shape theirs. Let's be honest, nobody cares these days and they never will. You're always going to be in it for yourself and it's always going to be about your opinion. If it's in your heart, you'd say what needs to said. Don't fool yourself and you'll be spared.

This is how I'm feeling at the moment, don't take offense to it. I'm just angry right now and all I can do is stop everything. I give up.
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
7,032
Location
England
It is so hurtful to reach out for support and not get any. I know you think nobody cares but we care. You can always post how you feel on here. I believe your brother cares too. I am so sorry your father treats you that way. You do not deserve that.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

Well-known member
Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
4,853
Location
Sheffiield
I'm really sorry you're having a such hard time with your father and are feeling suicidal.

It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

In the USA the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be contacted on 1-800-273-8255
or at suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

Also in the USA 211 is a number you can use to access information about social services.

I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

Please take care of yourself.
 
T

treasurebox

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
265
Location
Philippines
It is sad that you are hurting. It will be good for you to start writing a journal. Pour out your heart and your thoughts and feelings in writing. Journal is like a best friend. It listens and it calms you minutes after you write.

It will be good for you to write a letter to your dad. A letter also pouring your thoughts, feelings, needs and wishes. Write with gentleness and respect. Write with the yearning to be closer to your dad. Write with the yearning to have a better relationship with him.

Remember, suicide is not a good solution. Remember, you were created to live a happy life. You were born to be strong and to make a difference to the people around you.

Whenever I feel down, I listen to good music. These songs from youtube helps me:

Fearless by Jasmine Murray
Overcomer by Mandisa
Good morninng by Mandisa
I Believe I Can Fly by R Kelly
Don't worry be happy by Bob Marley

I suggest you listen to them daily or as needed.

It will also be good to you to seek medical help when you are still not peaceful.
 
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