• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

I don’t want to be here anymore

Bod

Bod

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 19, 2021
Messages
6,601
Location
MR POSITIVE
Hello, welcome to the forum please don't hurt your self as your life can get better and more under control. Do you have a GP doctor that you can talk to about how you are feeling.
 
D

DBSAiko

Member
Joined
Aug 29, 2021
Messages
20
Location
Spain
What do you want to end? Do you want to end your life? or, do you want to end your suffering?
What do you really, really want to end???... I do not think you want to die. I do not think so. You would not put a message here if not. You are asking for help. You are asking for hope. You are asking for life. For tears and for pain. For the end, to your suffering. Choose life, look for it. Wherever you may be, where you may find it. Choose life. Choose possibilites. Open doors. Open windows. New life. Death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem...
 
J

Jlondon22

New member
Joined
Aug 29, 2021
Messages
4
Location
London
What do you want to end? Do you want to end your life? or, do you want to end your suffering?
What do you really, really want to end???... I do not think you want to die. I do not think so. You would not put a message here if not. You are asking for help. You are asking for hope. You are asking for life. For tears and for pain. For the end, to your suffering. Choose life, look for it. Wherever you may be, where you may find it. Choose life. Choose possibilites. Open doors. Open windows. New life. Death is a permanent solution to a temporary problem...
Thank you for reaching out with such a strong message. Unfortunately I've been so consumed with a feeling of worthlessness and an inability to feel comfortable in my own skin for what just feels like too long now. I've tried to keep afloat but losing the will now.
 
J

Jlondon22

New member
Joined
Aug 29, 2021
Messages
4
Location
London
Hello, welcome to the forum please don't hurt your self as your life can get better and more under control. Do you have a GP doctor that you can talk to about how you are feeling.
I really hope so, it's feeling a bit much at the moment.
 
D

DBSAiko

Member
Joined
Aug 29, 2021
Messages
20
Location
Spain
Thank you for reaching out with such a strong message. Unfortunately I've been so consumed with a feeling of worthlessness and an inability to feel comfortable in my own skin for what just feels like too long now. I've tried to keep afloat but losing the will now.
You know, imagine you are in a sea, in an ocean, and you are swimming, but you are not just any swimmer, you are an OLYMPIC SWIMMER.... YOU ARE SWIMMING FOR A GOLD MEDAL! You are swimming for a gold medal... You have long strong arms, with elegant and toned muscles by years of exercise and practice. You are moving through the waters... You are moving entrepidly and boldly... The waters wish wash wish wash wish wash around you... You climb and climb and climb through those ever so cowardly white waves!

Everywhere cheers you on! Music plays in the background as you reach the finish line! Trumpets sound and drums beat to the rythium ( AND I CAN'T SPELL!!!! hehe) of your strong and quick heart... Young and strong.... you stand there... Young and strong you stay...

You met the finish line
You beat the competition!

"THAT GOLD MEDAL IS MINE!" Your heart screams...

Life is mine...

My life.... is mine...

You are not floating, you are standing strong. You are standing strong...
 
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
62,111
Location
Lancashire
Here are some numbers and links which might help you.

It may help to have a look at these two pages on the forum: Suicidal Crisis and Mental Health Forum - Getting Help about what to do if you're feeling suicidal, or if you need emergency help. I hope you can use the forum for support during this difficult time.

If you’re thinking about suicide and are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (i.e. in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111) or call the international emergency number of 112.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can call one of the following helplines:

In the UK and Ireland, the Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123.
In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is on 13 11 14.
In New Zealand, the Need to Talk service is on 1737 or 080017371737.
Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org.
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
11,092
Location
England
I’m desperate and suicidal. Can anyone help?
How are you feeling today?

I was wondering if you have any support from friends or family, or if you have seen your doctor?
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
11,092
Location
England
@Jlondon22 i hope you are feeling a bit better this evening. If you are able, please let us know how you are.
 
J

Jlondon22

New member
Joined
Aug 29, 2021
Messages
4
Location
London
@Jlondon22 i hope you are feeling a bit better this evening. If you are able, please let us know how you are.
Thank you! I got through the day somehow. Woke this morning feeling low again BUT I tidied my living room which feels like some progress. I used to run a lot, I’m thinking to go back to it this week. It might help me devise a plan to get myself out of this situation.
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
2,699
Location
England
Definitely start the running again. But before you do this sit down and make a plan for the day ahead. Regulation is important:

Tomorrow I'm going to wake up at...
I'm going to eat breakfast at...
I'm going to exercise at...
I'm going to shower at...
I'm going to...[insert activities or work/study here]
I'm going to socialise in some way, be it via txt, email, phone or in person...
I'm going to go to bed at...

Build a routine for yourself, help your body clock out, and stick to it.

"Circadian rhythm disruptions are a major hallmark of mood disorders. Dampened and phase-shifted temperature, activity, and hormonal rhythms are frequently reported in major depressive disorder (MDD) and bipolar disorder"

"Decades of research have pointed out associations between rhythm disturbances and depression" - Circadian Rhythm Disturbances in Mood Disorders: Insights into the Role of the Suprachiasmatic Nucleus
 
Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
11,092
Location
England
Thank you! I got through the day somehow. Woke this morning feeling low again BUT I tidied my living room which feels like some progress. I used to run a lot, I’m thinking to go back to it this week. It might help me devise a plan to get myself out of this situation.
That's good news, you could start with walking? I walk every other day.
Remember to rest too.
 
H

Hulaw2007

Member
Joined
Aug 30, 2021
Messages
5
Location
21793
I’m desperate and suicidal. Can anyone help?
I can't personally help. I don't know you and I am not a doctor. I don't even know your age or history. Also, all I am about to say is my own OPINION and does not take the place of a mental health professional. Please read to the end. Even though I am wordy, I am sprinkling ideas for you throughout my reply to your post.

I can tell you a little bit of my story and maybe it will make you feel better and more hopeful. But, before I start I want to say that I struggle with ADHD, Bipolar I / Schizoaffective Disorder since age 14 or 15 and I am now age 50.

I have been in-patient psych hospital and out-patient hospital at this point so many times that I have lost count. My first in patient was at age 15 for a month and then at age 16 for a month (less than 6 months apart). I was in an out-patient group 5x per week after school the entire School year. I had been enrolled in Gifted classes and IB program classes, but after my breakdown the guidance counselor and my parents thought it would stress me less to take fewer classes and to take on-level classes plus an emotional support class period they had ( Omg what a cluster F that emotional support class was). I was never told my diagnosis at this time. It was 1986-1987, and they put me on Pamelor (an antidepressant ) and Stelazine (an antipsychotic). However, my dad intervened at the end of Sophomore year and threw all of my pills down the garbage disposal and forbade me taking any medications. I then dealt with having Severe symptoms off and on. As bipolar goes, I was right on point. But, when the psychosis hit, those times were the hardest.

During my Junior year of high school (the year after all the hospitalizations and therapy) I had a better year due to all the therapy and due to having a few (not many) good, solid friends. Although I had some periods of suicidal ideation, it was easier to handle because I had some therapy tools to help, I pursued athletics again, and I forced myself to talk to my friends about my illness and what I had gone through my Sophomore year. Talking to others and not isolating yourself is one key to helping yourself through troubled times. Most of the time there ARE friends or family who can help listen and support you. My friends and family also helped me not hurt myself When I was at dark moments because I did not want to hurt THEM by me dying. That thought did not always help but sometimes it did. Also, me finding some positive activities was also helpful. One decent thing my dad did was enroll me in Tae-kwon-Do for a year and a half. It did wonders for my heeth, strength, and self-esteem. My dad DID understand I was ill, he just did not believe in medications. I will end all this high School talk by saying I put all my energy into bringing my GPA back up, and trying to get into college like I always planned to. I became hyper-focused on my goal. Sometimes finding a POSITIVE goal in life to work towards can help you when you are feeling really bad about yourself. It helps you shift focus from the internal thoughts of harming yourself to the external goal which in turn helps the internal thought processes. Again, this is my opinion. But, in doing this I graduated #71 out of a class of 721 with a GPA of 3.71 and a full-tuition scholarship to Florida State University. I went to FSU and dormed with my best friend from high school. We did that our first year, then got an apartment together our second year. I stayed at FSU for 2 years and got my AA degree and transferred to the University of Central Florida because I made the ridiculous, impulsive decision to get married at age 20. The problem with no medication is you make rash decisions which affect your whole life. But, my now ex-husband is a good man. A really good guy. We have 2 children together ages 25 and 27. So, I wouldn't change my rash decision in the end otherwise I would not have my wonderful children. My advice on decision- making is to decide RIGHT NOW that when you are going through a rough patch with your illness you will NOT make ANY big life decisions. I wish I had been given that advice. Because / after getting married I was on medication again (butjust an antidepressant at that time which as is well known leads to manic episodes in bipolar people). So, what did I do? Yes, I joined the Army. I lied about my mental health Status, Stopped all medications, and joined the flippin Army. Ijust went home to my husband one day and said "I'm signing up for the Army," That is probably the crown jewel of a big crown of jewels in my life of the biggest impulsive decision I have ever made. of course I had a meltdown 2 weeks into Boot camp and had to be dis charged. Luckily I had a very understanding Captain who gave me a medical discharge. I honestly wish I had been sucessful in the Army. I always wanted to be in the military. But, it's just off- limits for people like me. Any way, the point is that I have made some SERIOUS mistakes in my life. And I'm still here. There are people around you that still want you here. Despite whatever has happened in your life, other people have had horr ible lives or have done seriously bad or stupid things, or have been severely depressed for seemingly no reason at all. God has a plan for you. I am not uber-religious, but as a Jew I do believe that God loves each individual regard less of religion (or no religion) and has plans for that person if that person CHOOSES to find their path in life.

On to more drama. When my kids were 2 and 4, I came out as a lesbian and of course got divorced. I had my first MAJOR psychotic break during the separation but before the divorce was final. I will just say it was 1999 when the divorce was find and gay marriage was not legal anywhere in the U.S. and I lived in a VERY conservative State so my ex got sole custody of the kids even though he asked for joint custody. Eventually the custody arrangement was changed to joint butI still had to pay him $300 a month in child support. If I had not met and moved in with a woman by then that wouldn't have left me any money to live on and I would have been sleeping in my car. When I first Came out my parents didn't talk to me for TWO YEARS because they are very religiously conservative and in their c hurch all gays are hell- bound. Eventually they came around.

Due to all of this Craziness I was way off track in finishing my BA degree. My illness, my divorce, my coming out, my new relationship, my dealing with / my parents) rejection all interfered. My grades Suffered. But I finally graduated with a BA in Radio/TV /Film in 1999, 10 years after my high school graduation, with a GPA of 3.15. Tomy surprise, my mother flew in for my college graduation from the University of North Texas. This is ano ther piece of advice again similar to what I said earlier. Find something you Can be passionate about and start working towards it. Do it now! Don't sit back and wait on life to happen - it doesn't work that way. You can do it! I know you can! I don't even know you but nearly everyone can think ofa goal worth trying for and then going for it.

For me I soon realized my degree was impractical (duh) as I did not live in LA or anywhere that had alot of jobs related to my field. I had a minor in business so I got a job doing inventory analysis for a major retailer in Texas at their Home Office near Dallas. Eventually the environment there became toxic. The people (not all) were cruel and anti-gay. I cried on my way to work every day. I cried in the bathroom during the day too.

At age 29 during all this, I was diagnosed with Bipolar 1, mixed, with psychosis at the time I was admitted to the hospital. I was put on Depakote for the first time, plus on antipsychotic. It literally changed my life. * * * That's another thing. When I was a teen there were a handful of medications to try and help people, but now there are dozens. Literally dozens. Please hang on until you find the right doctor who will listen to you and who will help you find the right medication. Even if it is expensive and newer, usually there is away of getting it cheaper with a discount card or program from the manufacturer.

Anyway, as time went on and I had fewer psychoses and mood Swings, I still had my moments of wanting to self-harm and to die, But, one of my best friends killed herself when I was 21. We went to Middle School and High School together. I was just devastated. It really F.ed me up for a long time, including deep feelings of guilt. I decided I never wanted to put my kids my wife or my parents through that. That right there keeps me safe most of the time. Having an anchor to hold onto while the boat of life I am in is crashing into big waves. There is always an anchor. Try to find your anchor.

Anyway, my ex partner, our daughter we had together (she was 2 years old at the time but is 19 now - I am the biological mom) and my daughter from my relationship with my ex husband all moved to Maryland because I got a scholarship to go to Law School in DC. Law school was always a .dream of mine but I always told myself I couldn't do it, until one day which was extra bad at work I just said to myself that I am getting the hell out of that job and doing something I really want to do. I started My PhD in English Literature while I has working on getting into Law School. I did 3 part-time semesters of that. I have 18 credit hours towards that degree. I finally got a LSAT (Law School Admissions Test) Score that was really good and I applied to law schools 2 years in a row until I found a fit I liked with a good scholarship. So, I uprooted my family and we all moved. I felt a great deal of pressure to succeed after bringing my family all the way across the country so I could follow my dream. I graduated on time with my class in the top 10% of my class (#14). I now work as an attorney at the U.S. Department of Justice in DC. I am .a firm believer that if you believe you can meet a goal, even if it seems really huge and out of reach, you can do it. If I had not taken this chance on myself I might still be in my car crying on the way to work. who wants to live like that?

My biggest advice to you is to find a goal and then look online for positive sayings, proverbs or mantras about believing in yourself and your ability to reach your goals and then pin that mantra up in several places in your house. Sit down and open up excel on your computer (or Word) and start planning towards your goal?

Finally, my ex partner and I split after 14 years together. A little While later I met someone new. I realized in meeting her that I had not been treated right in my previous relationship. My wife who I am with now is kind to me. Just simply loving and kind. Don't we all deserve people is our lives who are loving and kind to us? So, my final point will be you need to surround yourself with kind people as much as you can. Drop the negativity. You don't need those people in your life that bring you down.

Every person has inherent worth. You are worthy. Worthy of love. Of kindness. Of respect. Dig deep. You will find strength. You have it in you to get through this very difficult time in your life. I do not in any way minimize the pain you must feel. I have been there, my friend. I just want to encourage you to work with your doctor. Be patient. The right medication will come along and help you. And I also want to encourage you to find a good positive goal that excites you - like law school did for me. Your goal could be anything. Running a 5k, etc.

Anyway, please take care of yourself and if you really feel you are a danger to yourself please go to the Emergency Room and get help right away.

***From a concerned fellow mental-heath sufferer..
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
M I'm new here.I don't have any mental illness. Introduce Yourself 8
T New diagnosis of BPD ...having a hard time and I'm new here so don't know how to start. Introduce Yourself 8
D Don't know where to start here Introduce Yourself 2
M I don't know how it post a new forum here Introduce Yourself 2
N Hi. New here, hoping someone understands me as "normal people" don't. Introduce Yourself 31
J Don't really know what I'm doing here but I guess this is reaching out Introduce Yourself 2
L I'm new and don't know how I found myself here... Introduce Yourself 10
W I don't know what to do with my life (yay!) Introduce Yourself 5
N I don't know Introduce Yourself 4
J I don't know what to do Introduce Yourself 2
D I'm...don't know if my life...i feel as if my life is hanging by a thread. Introduce Yourself 8
G I don't know what to title my introduction: a title Introduce Yourself 5
Z I don't know what is right for me Introduce Yourself 8
D I really don't know where to start, or what to say, I thought I could just look around and see how it's done, but I'm lost, must be this dull brain Introduce Yourself 5
N I don't know what I really want from my life..... Introduce Yourself 10
W I don't like the world any longer Introduce Yourself 2
J I'm in uncharted water! I Don't know how to help my son. Introduce Yourself 4
H I don't have to listen to me, I'm not my real dad! Introduce Yourself 5
M i don't know what to expect Introduce Yourself 9
E I hate my life and I don't know how to change it. Introduce Yourself 4
O When you don't belong anywhere Introduce Yourself 11
M Don't know where to start Introduce Yourself 5
P I don't know what to say Introduce Yourself 18
D I don't know what to do anymore Introduce Yourself 7
M Caregiver help question. My daughter is 22 with Schizoaffective. I need help and don't know where to go. Introduce Yourself 6
S I don't think I love anyone Introduce Yourself 16
R I need help and I don't know what I need Introduce Yourself 8
sparrowling I don't remember if I did this... Introduce Yourself 3
Lualeo I don't have a diagnosis Introduce Yourself 16
S Don't know how to be happy anymore Introduce Yourself 11
Z not feeling great, don't know why, lets see if this place can help Introduce Yourself 6
I I don't really know who I am Introduce Yourself 4
I Don't feel like talkin Introduce Yourself 6
B I don't even know what the heck is going on anymore Introduce Yourself 3
B Hi there... I don't know what my "diagnosis" is... Introduce Yourself 7
Q I don't know who I am anymore Introduce Yourself 11
N Hi everyone, I don't know what's wrong with me Introduce Yourself 5
J Doctors don't no nothing about mentel illness Introduce Yourself 4
Chrysalis 2020 Looking for friends, who don't judge! Introduce Yourself 15
H Feeling very low at the moment. Don't know how to get out of this despair Introduce Yourself 4
P I don't know how to put my feelings into words. Introduce Yourself 2
H I don't know why I keep reaching out...but I do. Introduce Yourself 2
M New Member, I don't know where to turn Introduce Yourself 5
qwynie Rose Don't know where to post this.. sorry! Introduce Yourself 12
D Chased my wife away with my depression. Persistent thought - accompanied by self-sabotage - says, "You don't deserve happiness." Introduce Yourself 9
B I don't know if i belong on this forum Introduce Yourself 6
A I don't know how to help my partner Introduce Yourself 5
BPsmith Don't know where to start lol but i will start by saying hi, and Thankyou for this opportunity to off load this b.s.The battlefield in the mind is.... Introduce Yourself 4
D don't mind me Introduce Yourself 134
UnderstandingCherry Tell me where I'm going wrong, because I don't know anymore Introduce Yourself 15

Similar threads

Top