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I don’t know how to picture my future

konata

konata

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Joined
Feb 2, 2012
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28
So I think I am ending my relationship - I don’t want multiple sexual partners like he does. I’m gutted and angry at myself that I couldn’t change and accept it.

I am also on the housing list for an adapted bungalow. I got a high band because I live in a rented house which is not suitable for me (physical health wise, I also have many other health issues and I’m waiting for big operations etc) But I don’t know what my future looks like.

I’m already in a wheelchair most of the time. My chair is amazing and helps me do stuff and having my carers come in really helps me to do more but I’m still young and it hurts so much to see my peers doing stuff like getting married and having kids and buying a house and I’ve been … I’ve spent the last ten years being in hospital or a psychiatric hospital. Having surgeries. Being too unwell to move. It’s great I have carers now to help me and I’m getting the support I need…

but I don’t know if I’ll ever be happy.

I feel like a life like mine is for the elderly people who have lived full and amazing lives. I’m 29 and I am finding it impossible to see any value in my life. Even though I so desperately want to be able to help others. I wanted a family of my own. I wanted a partner I could rely on. I wanted health. I wanted a career. I wanted to see the world.

I feel like I have been stripped of the future I saw myself having. I feel like I am going to end up dying in 20 years sad and alone.

I just feel like a drain on society, a burden on anyone in my life, I hate that I am too unwell to work, stuck on benefits which mean I can’t marry anyone and be financially independent, I can’t even live with a partner because I would lose all my income.

Should I just do what the government want and kill myself?
 
Tawny

Tawny

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I'm in the same situation as you, only not in a wheelchair and i am 40 something. I have been through those feelings of grief for what might have been, maybe i used to say should have been.

It is hard to accept and then it just feels sad.

I have seen an adapted bungalow recently and i must tell you that it was beautiful. I have a neighbour who had an accident on his bike and is now in a wheelchair, and showed me the bungalow around the corner. His life has completely changed, there are many like you.

Many also who get married, and some have children, i don't know how you are physically. I don't have children although physically could have and maybe still could.

That ideal, that seemingly norm, is not really normal because it is not as common now sadly. We are probably in the majority when it comes to not having a nice house, husband and children, car and job. The whole package.

Life is amazing though, minus those things there is so much pleasure to be had, fun times, you just cannot see it right now. In a chair, a bit harder, but the world is adapting for you to have a fuller life than you might have had 50 years ago.

Maybe getting in touch with an organisation that knows what you can do in the local area, joining the community, where there are probably all ages in it. So many children and teenagers also. Group outings, just like we have mental health groups with their outings.

I don't have children, i often say to mum, i will end up dying in my bed, incontinent, starved, nobody will find me for weeks, unlike her. I don't think that will be the case. We may end up in big hotels with an in house nurse and doctor, dance floor/roll floor :) canteen. Who knows?

I hope you enjoy having your new home decorated beautifully for you, and then start to make a life for yourself there soon. You will probably be in by Christmas.
 
Tawny

Tawny

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The Samaritans are helpful to talk to if your thinking spirals down. They are there 24/7. I assume you are in the UK as you discuss banding. If you feel desperate and think you might end your life, please ask for help because your life is worth living, it is just a bit different. You will meet good people and smile and have coffee and cake and watch fireworks, there is much to see and do. Keep going.



Help for suicidal thoughts

If you're feeling like you want to die, it's important to tell someone.

Help and support is available right now if you need it. You do not have to struggle with difficult feelings alone.

Phone a helpline

These free helplines are there to help when you're feeling down or desperate.

You can also call these helplines for advice if you’re worried about someone else.

In the UK and Ireland, call the Samaritans on 116123.
In the US, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline ion 1-800-273-8255.
In Canada, call the Suicide Prevention Service on 1.833.456.4566.
In Australia, call Lifeline on 131114.
In New Zealand, call Need to Talk on 1737 or 080017371737.
For other countries please visit this list of crisis helplines.

If you have been affected by the contents of this thread and would like to speak to someone about your feelings you can also call one of the above helplines.

Emergency help

If you are in immediate danger, please call your local emergency number (in the UK call 999, in the USA or Canada call 911, in Australia call 000 and in New Zealand call 111 or call the international emergency number of 112).
 
mischief

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Greetings @konata

Even though I so desperately want to be able to help others. I wanted a family of my own. I wanted a partner I could rely on. I wanted health. I wanted a career. I wanted to see the world.
There is no reason why most disabled people can't achieve these things. While I don't know your individual circumstances, many disabled people already do many of these things. Yes, they may need support, as it sounds you are now getting.

Work out your goals, work out the routes to get where you want to be, work out what support you need to get there and go for it. It's useful to build a strong circle of support that can help you along the way.

Just imagine the confidence you'll build as you achieve each goal along the way.

If you need ideas on how you can get to where you want to be please do ask here on the forum, as many forum members may have ideas that can help.
 
konata

konata

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Joined
Feb 2, 2012
Messages
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I'm in the same situation as you, only not in a wheelchair and i am 40 something. I have been through those feelings of grief for what might have been, maybe i used to say should have been.

It is hard to accept and then it just feels sad.

I have seen an adapted bungalow recently and i must tell you that it was beautiful. I have a neighbour who had an accident on his bike and is now in a wheelchair, and showed me the bungalow around the corner. His life has completely changed, there are many like you.

Many also who get married, and some have children, i don't know how you are physically. I don't have children although physically could have and maybe still could.

That ideal, that seemingly norm, is not really normal because it is not as common now sadly. We are probably in the majority when it comes to not having a nice house, husband and children, car and job. The whole package.

Life is amazing though, minus those things there is so much pleasure to be had, fun times, you just cannot see it right now. In a chair, a bit harder, but the world is adapting for you to have a fuller life than you might have had 50 years ago.

Maybe getting in touch with an organisation that knows what you can do in the local area, joining the community, where there are probably all ages in it. So many children and teenagers also. Group outings, just like we have mental health groups with their outings.

I don't have children, i often say to mum, i will end up dying in my bed, incontinent, starved, nobody will find me for weeks, unlike her. I don't think that will be the case. We may end up in big hotels with an in house nurse and doctor, dance floor/roll floor :) canteen. Who knows?

I hope you enjoy having your new home decorated beautifully for you, and then start to make a life for yourself there soon. You will probably be in by Christmas.
Thank you Tawny, you’ve certainly helped me see some hope in my situation. And you’re right, even if I can’t meet all those “normal life goals” I can still find things which I can achieve and contribute to helping other people. Thank you 😊
 
konata

konata

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Feb 2, 2012
Messages
28
Greetings @konata



There is no reason why most disabled people can't achieve these things. While I don't know your individual circumstances, many disabled people already do many of these things. Yes, they may need support, as it sounds you are now getting.

Work out your goals, work out the routes to get where you want to be, work out what support you need to get there and go for it. It's useful to build a strong circle of support that can help you along the way.

Just imagine the confidence you'll build as you achieve each goal along the way.

If you need ideas on how you can get to where you want to be please do ask here on the forum, as many forum members may have ideas that can help.
Thanks mischief! You raise some great points. Where would be a good place to ask on the forum?
 
mischief

mischief

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You're welcome to continue in this thread.
 
R

rawlinsc

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USA
I am dating a woman who is on oxygen and applying for disability. If she can find a good man like me you can find someone too.
 
konata

konata

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Joined
Feb 2, 2012
Messages
28
Thank you all.
I have broken up with my boyfriend now.

I’ve been keeping myself incredibly busy to avoid thinking about how extremely sad I am so I don’t fall into being depressed.

But I’m running myself into the ground and getting very stressed out. It’s making me start to get more paranoid and I came close to shouting at a random man today because I was being told by one of my voices they were spying on me and filming me and following me.

I’m tired.
 
mischief

mischief

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Hi @konata

I have broken up with my boyfriend now.
Congratulations! That must have very hard to do, but you've done it and put yourself in control of the situation.

I’ve been keeping myself incredibly busy to avoid thinking about how extremely sad I am so I don’t fall into being depressed.
What sorts of things have you been doing? Having you been in contact with other people? old friends? family?

But I’m running myself into the ground and getting very stressed out. It’s making me start to get more paranoid and I came close to shouting at a random man today because I was being told by one of my voices they were spying on me and filming me and following me.

I’m tired.
Is it time for a break? may be go away for a few days? or maybe is it time to slow down and have some 'me' time.

How is your support organised? Do you get your support workers through an agency? or do you employ them directly through direct payments? Some of these things can make living life difficult, as you'll no doubt need support when you go away or do the things you want to do.

It sounds like you've taken a huge positive step towards making your life more the way you want it. Congratulations!
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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I know you cant work and have carers (from your posts), how good are you with your hands? Just thinking if it interests you, you could make things (and if your hands are steady enough) :hug:

My mum has arthritis to the point that she cannot walk long distances, yet she does amazing knitting :hug:
 
W

wednesday addams

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The addams family
Hi! I also have a lot of the same feelings. Maybe we don't have those things others do because it wasn't ment to be. Maybe someone knows what's best for us than we do. Blessings to you.🌹
 
W

wednesday addams

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I don't always know the right thing to say, but I try. Good luck to you in whatever you do.🦋🦋
 
Bod

Bod

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So I think I am ending my relationship - I don’t want multiple sexual partners like he does. I’m gutted and angry at myself that I couldn’t change and accept it.

I am also on the housing list for an adapted bungalow. I got a high band because I live in a rented house which is not suitable for me (physical health wise, I also have many other health issues and I’m waiting for big operations etc) But I don’t know what my future looks like.

I’m already in a wheelchair most of the time. My chair is amazing and helps me do stuff and having my carers come in really helps me to do more but I’m still young and it hurts so much to see my peers doing stuff like getting married and having kids and buying a house and I’ve been … I’ve spent the last ten years being in hospital or a psychiatric hospital. Having surgeries. Being too unwell to move. It’s great I have carers now to help me and I’m getting the support I need…

but I don’t know if I’ll ever be happy.

I feel like a life like mine is for the elderly people who have lived full and amazing lives. I’m 29 and I am finding it impossible to see any value in my life. Even though I so desperately want to be able to help others. I wanted a family of my own. I wanted a partner I could rely on. I wanted health. I wanted a career. I wanted to see the world.

I feel like I have been stripped of the future I saw myself having. I feel like I am going to end up dying in 20 years sad and alone.

I just feel like a drain on society, a burden on anyone in my life, I hate that I am too unwell to work, stuck on benefits which mean I can’t marry anyone and be financially independent, I can’t even live with a partner because I would lose all my income.

Should I just do what the government want and kill myself?




Hi Konata, I am sorry you are suffering and in a wheelchair and that you feel so low and I'd like to say that I am a member on a photography forum and a couple of the members are in wheel chairs and their photography is some of the best I have ever seen and they seem happy that they have a hobby they enjoy. Reading through this post that you shared I think you actually sound a very nice positive young lady, so please don't think you are a drain on society and that you do not have a future. As in I think you do have a future in your life to be loved and looked after by a loving person who loves you for you as to me beauty comes from within us and not outside. I know of a few couples and they have a wheel chair for everyday use and it is so nice to see them happy and smiling as they live in the same road as me and we stop and talk when we bump into each other, they do not work and it does not bother them but they have one main thing Happiness so I think in time you will also have and fine that happiness in your life.
 
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