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I don’t feel like myself anymore...

M

MeAndBTS

New member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
3
#1
I’ve always been depressed and anxious. I used to go to therapy, but around 21 I stopped going because I felt guilty about my aunt paying out of pocket for me to go, plus I don’t think the therapist did much to help. Over the years, it seems to have gotten worse (25 now). Even though I’ve been depressed, I motivated myself very much into my jobs. I’ve always performed greatly and my bosses always appreciated my work greatly. I started a new job and I’m about to leave only being there for a year. It was the best job ever, if your wondering I was a lead teacher for an infant classroom. And worked my butt off for that position. I’m leaving due to coworkers not listening to me, and almost causing a terrible accident that could have been prevented, if they followed what I ask. Thankfully as messed up as this sounds, I’m glad I wasn’t there to experience it because I would feel so guilty (went home for the day). I don’t want to go into too much details about that...But anyways,, next week is my last week and a part of me is very sad to leave because I love the kids and the work I put in, but I have to because I feel like it will get worse the longer I’m there because of my assistants not listening or caring to. I know they don’t like me, which is fine. I’m only there for the paycheck and children. Anyways, I have no back up job... but I feel so drained. I guess I want a break from everything. I don’t want to deal with anyone anymore, not even my friends and family, but I force myself to because I don’t want them to worry. I don’t feel like myself especially leaving a job and not wanting to work for a while. Deep down, that’s not realistic for me. Idk...what should I do? How long of a break should I take? I have money saved up, but obviously I don’t want to be out of work for too long, but I know I need to take a break to recover. Feeling extremely unmotivated as well. I now don’t have insurance to cover the cost of therapy because I was under my job’s. I feel stuck as it’s been a while since I went to therapy. Sorry for the long post.
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2018
Messages
195
Location
California, US
#2
Hi and sorry to hear you're struggling. You sound very capable with alot to offer though perhaps mental health needs to be a priority for now. I struggle with MDD and I get how much energy is lost to it.

What's your diagnosis and what medicine have you been prescribed to help you manage depression?
You seem open to therapy. I suggest a cognitive therapy program to help manage negative thoughts and regulating emotions. These kinds of therapy helped me greatly. Talk therapy is useful but I didn't learn skills or tools talking to my therapist.
 
M

MeAndBTS

New member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
3
#3
Hello,
I am no longer in therapy because I have no insurance atm due to leaving my job. I will though but idk what it covers yet (I have to look into, y’know). When I was in therapy, I was on Xanax...which helped a bit, but felt zombie like. And another one (don’t remember name atm), but before I had a reaction it did help.
Do you know the difference between the two therapy? Like you, I felt like talk therapy itself wasn’t helpful for me. Thanks for the help.
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2018
Messages
195
Location
California, US
#4
Cognitive therapies like CBT, DBT teach skills in a group setting (a classroom with 1-2 therapists and others with mental health problems). They show you how distorted our thoughts become because our illness lives in the mind. Cognitive therapy gives you tools for challenging negative thoughts and destructive behavior.

I had difficulty when my symptoms were out of control, I struggled to get to the classes and when I could attend, I had a hard time concentrating. But once I got some effective medication that turned down the symptoms this changed and I was able to be fully present and learn. It really helped.