I don´t know how to continue anymore

[J_Taim]

Hi,
I struggle with Depression and Anxiety since I was 11. My Parents got divorced when I was 4 years Old and I live with my Mom since then. We moved to other City regularly and right before we moved the fifth time the Depression and Anxiety started and just got worse since then. I go to Therapy for 3 months now, but I don´t think it helps me at all, I´m actually just scared about having to go to the Psychiatry when I tell my Therapist about my Suicide thoughts, Self Harm and my addiction tendencies. But I guess not telling her is Pointless anyways because she obviously cant help me when I lie about those Things. I recently started Harming myself again, after almost 2 years of not Hurting myself on purpose. I think about going to the Psych ward voluntarily, but my social Anxiety keeps telling me to not go, but i don´t think I can make it any longer.

 

[NWiddi]

Please, if you're at risk of suicide then seek help. I don't know how your system works in Germany but either see your doctor or go voluntarily to your local hospital emergency department.

 

[J_Taim]

Don´t worry I´m way too anxious to actually end my Life. I just don´t have any Energy left to do daily task and I feel like I´m destroying my chances on having a normal Life.

 

[NWiddi]

I suffer from chronic fatigue due to the medication I'm on but at times I wonder if it has anything to do with my vitamin D levels, I don't get out much due to the UK lockdown and restrictions and it's the middle of winter so sunlight isn't something that's abundant.

I think if I don't pick up during spring I may just see my doctor for some tests.

Are you on any medication for your anxiety? I take 50mg of Sertraline for mine and I think it helps me.

 

[J_Taim]

I´m sorry to hear that. I hope you get better soon. I consume vitamin D supplements every once in a while (even though I´m not sure if they help at all).
My Therapist says that i shouldn´t get any medication because she can´t heal it when the medication lowers my Anxiety.

 

[jajingna]

My Therapist says that i shouldn´t get any medication because she can´t heal it when the medication lowers my Anxiety.

This doesn't make sense to me. Wouldn't you say your anxiety is caused by deeper issues? I believe anxiety is a symptom, though we speak of anxiety disorders as though they are the main problem. Something is making you anxious, after all, and therapy is supposed to help you understand what is causing it. Meanwhile, a medication can help you feel better and more able to cope with daily living as well as the challenges of therapy, which of course can bring up painful experiences that you and your therapist will try to work through.

 

[J_Taim]

I totally agree with you. I think the most important thing should be to at least make the everyday life manageable. But I can´t change the fact that she doesn´t want me to be on medication, even though it would make my life way easier.

 

[Blooming]

Do you have the right therapist? I send you a link about different treatment options. I am sorry it is American, but maybe you can get some ideas to what you can search for in German.
Help for Depression: Treatment Options and Where to Find Help (healthline.com)

By the way, do you know that the man who developed 'Autogen Training' (an anxiety reducing tequeniqe) was German?

Autogenes Training – Wikipedia

de.wikipedia.org

 

[J_Taim]

Interessting I actually didn´t know. I don´t have too many choices in the area I live in. In Germany only some Therapy form get paid by health insurgence, so i can´t really decide. (Furthermore I am genuinely anxious about going to a new therapist)

 

[Ringocolumbus]

I can really appreciate your situation as it sounds so much like mine. I just had a doctor's appointment and he again suggested therapy. I went to therapy for a while but it made me so anxious I couldn't stand it anymore. Now I need to return to therapy and I do think it is a good idea, but it terrifies me. I too self harm, but I haven't had a bad incident since 2009. Although recently I ended up harming myself pretty bad, but nothing like I have done in the past. I am also on medication, which doesn't seem to be helping recently, so he has added additional medications. I haven't started the new drugs yet. I agree that you might want to consider another therapist, or just visit your regular doctor. My doctor prescribed my medications for me, not a therapist. Medications can really help, if you find the right one. That's another thing to be anxious about though! Good luck to you my friend.

 

[J_Taim]

I´m truly sorry to hear about your situation! I hope you get better soon. I´m going to go to my doctor soon and ask him if he considers medication.

 

[jajingna]

I'm surprised your doctor (or therapist) was against medication as it sounds like you've really been struggling.

 

[J_Taim]

Germany is relatively strict with medication over all so I believe that Doctors and Therapists shouldn´t prescribe too much medication here in Germany. So I guess as long as I don´t ask for it I´m not gonna get any medication.

 

[njmisdesperate]

I don't know how i cope, but i feel like the best thing to do is just keep going & not overthink things

 

[J_Taim]

I try my best to just continue, but I don´t have a slight bit of Energy left. I´m constantly exhausted. Furthermore everyone tells me how lazy I am and that I need to try harder and that everyone has a hard Time right now. All this makes it so much worse. The only thing I´m capable of doing is laying in Bed and sleeping. I actually don´t know how to continue my everyday life like this. I feel like I am on the verge of destroying everything in my Life.