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I dissociated again - I want to self harm

J

Julian93

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The last couple of months my mental health has been really good. Mainly because I finally accepted that I am trans and I came out and started hormone therapy. Things have been really great. Ive quit self harming and was actually looking forward to life. Then, a couple of nights ago I dissociated. it was only A few seconds long but ever since I’ve wanted to self harm. I feel like a fog over me. I’ve been waking Up tired, I’m just not myself. In my head, if I self harm it’ll snap me out of this. But logically I know that it would probably just send me deeper in depression. I can also feel myself slipping into hypomania. I get real creative and obsess over leatherwork or cooking and I’m starting to do that. I guess I really am bipolar. I guess I was just hoping that once I became comfortable with myself that this part of me would go away. I know it doesn’t work like that.
 
calypso

calypso

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Hiya. I would advocate that you get a professional diagnosis on whether you are bipolar. I think we all feel a relief when we admit to ourselves something as big as being trans and that gave you an uplift. But the underlying depression you mention will reassert itself. Have you any help for it?
 
J

Julian93

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Hiya. I would advocate that you get a professional diagnosis on whether you are bipolar. I think we all feel a relief when we admit to ourselves something as big as being trans and that gave you an uplift. But the underlying depression you mention will reassert itself. Have you any help for it?
Hi, I was actually diagnosed as bipolar, I just never believed it. I guess, during my good times it made it feel like I’m better, like maybe I never really was bipolar after all. I know that’s not logical. I’ve had several different doctors/therapists tell me I’m bipolar. I guess i also feel like because my symptoms are sort of internal, like I don’t outwardly display my symptoms that like, idk, it must not be real.
 
calypso

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I understand that - I denied I was bipolar for months before eventually accepting it. I hate the meds I am on but I have to say I am so balanced now
 
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