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I did everything for my BDP girlfriend. I didint leave her any moment for 2 years. She cheated me and now post pictures with new BF on instagram! Why?

W

whudu

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I met a girl who was 22 years old. I was divorced. Our first meeting was in the hospital. We dated but she was sick so she wanted to go to hospital and I went to her dormitory. She stayed at the hospital for 3 hours and I was near her. After that, I made for her soups, made foods etc.

We started to be together. She was coming and staying with me in my office. I had planned to open a restaurant in my city. She was telling lies to her family. She told them what she was going to university but that was true. She was just staying in his room. No friend, nothing. Just sometimes dating on the internet. She had been trying rape when she was 21 years old. So all her life is destroyed.

She wanted to learn kitchen and work with me. I sent her to a course in another city, bought books and spent a lot of time and money. I opened our new restaurant kitchen for her and allowed her to make everything. My brother arranged a job for her in a big city to make her learn the real business.

While we were together I caught her dating another man on the internet. I wanted to break up. She went her village back. She called me when she was drunk tried to come to my city when she was drunk. She came office and I left the office but she runs after me and cried. I said OK and we started again.

She went to 3 different courses, many workshops and met with big chefs. She had somebody issues. We went to 3 hospitals and I was always with her. We went another city to go to hospital and then she had to stay 2 days in the hospital and I didn't leave her even 1 h.

She becomes OK and we started to work again. She worked hard, learnt the kitchen very well and made very good burgers. We learnt everything together, did everything together. She started to me my life.

Someone called her and she started to say a lie to me. I caught again her. Her old boyfriend was threatening her. She sent nude pictures to him before. So now he was telling her that if she doesn't become with her he would publish those photos on the internet. I handled that issue as well.

I started to see some issues with her during this period. When I caught her when she was cheating on me she was telling lies to these boys like she was living in another world. Even for small things, she was telling lie and it seems she was believing that lies.

I tried to talk with her. She was not speaking with her family. She was telling that only her grandmother was loving her. She was hating by her mom. Every day she was talking with her grandmother on phone. So I searched for a psychiatrist for her and paid all costs. She was going to the doctor every week. She was telling her issues with her mom etc and it seems she was OK.

2 years passed. When I was going outside of the country she couldn't even eat anything. She was in depression. I thought always she can't live without me. But I didn't know her real problem. We wanted to move to another city. She chose a city and we came here to a new town.

She was always asking this question to her self "who am i" "am I really important?" She was feeling empty. So I decided to make my new restaurant on her. I made her boss. She was 24 years old. We hired 40 years old chefs and all of them saying "boss" to her. We didn't open a restaurant. We were working together hard but sometimes we were fighting bec of the job.

I had also some issues as well. So I started to use Streterra, Cipralex etc. After I started to use these pills I didn't want to make sex. She was so good at sex and she always wants to make sex and she had no limits. As a man I was having a dream when I was with her.

One day again I caught her while she was cheating on me on the internet. I was a little drunk and I said "that's the end. I don't want u and left the home" Then she suicide took all my pills and wanted her life to end. I came home and then we went hospital and stayed 1 night at the hospital.

I didn't leave her. I had to call her family. I called her grandmom on the phone but I am shocked. She was her mother! She saved her mother as Grandmother and she went to the doctor and made a story and tried to solve her issues with his lie world!.

After I learnt that we went again doctor and I learnt that she was BDP. I said OK I will help you and didn't leave her. I didn't change any plan. Still, my restaurant was on her, she was boss...

We started to solve her BDP illness. So we went the new doctor. She said many lies, she was always saying lie to anyone even for small things. She was getting angry easily.

We had 10 days left to open the restaurant. I felt something bad. She started the diet, tried to look at herself too much and her phone was always hidden. So I caught her again with dating a rich lawyer. I read all conversations and that cheating was different. She fell in love with that man. She talked with him every day on phone like 70 90 minutes. My heart is broken. That was not small cheating. I wanted her back to the old city(where our first rest. is there) That would be our second restaurant. She didn't want to go back. She wanted to stay here but she wanted to have different homes. I didn't accept that and called her father and mother. They called her back to their town. She was telling me "You can't leave me. You know me" But I made her leave my city.

After 2 days later she started work in our other restaurant but meantime she started to post pictures with that man on Instagram! She didn't block me, my workers, my family (I introduced her to whole my family) every day she started to post a new picture on Instagram as a story. "I love you too much" pictures while she was kissing him...

My life destroyed. I couldn't open my new restaurant. I wanted to die. I moved here with her, we made all recipes together, we were smoking outside of the restaurant and making dreams. How she could act like that? Didn't she love me? Why she post pictures with him just 2 days later?

I learnt that she said lies when they met with that lawyer. (rich lawyer). Lawyer left her but again they started to be together. She is living in a small home now. The lawyer thinks she has money but she doesn't have it. They broke 2 times in 3 weeks. The lawyer always goes outside of the city and very busy man. So that means she will be at home alone. She can't stay at home alone. She is not working, she doesn't have friends. But now she sticks to that man. She thinks that is love but I don't think.

I always think about her. I can't do anything in the restaurant and at home. Life is empty without her and when I see she is posting a pic with that man and saying "I love u so much" I cry all day. I am going doctor and started Xanax. But I can't understand how she moved so fast? I didn't do anything bad. She was nothing I made her chef, boss, didn't leave her for a moment. I was like his father, brother. But of course, after 2 years excitement left.

I also always think that she is not happy but she has no choice. She cants live without sticking someone. So in this situation do u think can she be happy? Why she post pictures like this? Do u think will she call me? I know many people the same thing "Oh u are free and u are saved..." I know all these things. But I promised her that I know your BDP problem and I will be with you. I see her like my everything. If your daughter steals something and goes jail will u stop loving her? NO. It is the same situation for me.

So I really want to hear your comments about that. I can't call her. I want her to call me and always think "doesn't she miss me" "why she post that man as the story..." "does she really love him..."
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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She might be sensation-seeking, which is one part of BPD :hug1:

Having said that, she does come across as being unable to actually attach emotionally to other people and you have to think of yourself, making yourself ill pining for someone else when that person doesnt sound like she thinks of you any more, will only hurt you :hug1:
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

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Nashua NH
Why can’t you call her just to check in to see how she is doing? Let her know that you miss her and that you are sorry that things turned out the way they did. I agree with your friends and family that you are better off without this woman as she is a cheater and you will never be able to trust her. All off your generosity she has taken for granted which is a sign of immaturity and disrespect. Still if you would like to call her I would call her. You were so with her for two years so it’s not as though you are an absolute stranger. Check in and see where she is at/how she is doing. Then based on how that turns out plan to move forward from there. I am sorry that you are hurting and I hope that this is helpful. xo, j
 
W

whudu

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Why can’t you call her just to check in to see how she is doing? Let her know that you miss her and that you are sorry that things turned out the way they did. I agree with your friends and family that you are better off without this woman as she is a cheater and you will never be able to trust her. All off your generosity she has taken for granted which is a sign of immaturity and disrespect. Still if you would like to call her I would call her. You were so with her for two years so it’s not as though you are an absolute stranger. Check in and see where she is at/how she is doing. Then based on how that turns out plan to move forward from there. I am sorry that you are hurting and I hope that this is helpful. xo, j
How can i call her? She is with him and posting pictures on instagram. Now they are in car and signing song together and she seems happy. How can i call her while she is with someone and look she is happy :(
 
W

whudu

Member
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She might be sensation-seeking, which is one part of BPD :hug1:

Having said that, she does come across as being unable to actually attach emotionally to other people and you have to think of yourself, making yourself ill pining for someone else when that person doesnt sound like she thinks of you any more, will only hurt you :hug1:
Yes she seems she doesnt think of me after 2.5 years. I did everything to her and now she posted a video on instagram. She is signing sogn with that man in car and looks happy. While she is happy I am looking her picture and crying. Life is so hard when u think and love someone but she doesnt care with you anymore.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Yes she seems she doesnt think of me after 2.5 years. I did everything to her and now she posted a video on instagram. She is signing sogn with that man in car and looks happy. While she is happy I am looking her picture and crying. Life is so hard when u think and love someone but she doesnt care with you anymore.
To be honest, I'm getting the impression that she will drop him as well like a hot potato as soon as she decides again that "the grass is greener on the other side"

not relationship related but my mum's the same with places to live, as soon as she gets bored of one area or something bad happens in the family she wants to move to a new area again :hug:
 
M

MYTIMEHASCOME

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Messages
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Yes she seems she doesnt think of me after 2.5 years. I did everything to her and now she posted a video on instagram. She is signing sogn with that man in car and looks happy. While she is happy I am looking her picture and crying. Life is so hard when u think and love someone but she doesnt care with you anymore.
You said one day you caught her cheating on the Internet and you said this is the end I don’t want you then she tried to kill herself as someone with bpd it sounds to me like she thought you were abandoning her and now she’s devalued you to protect herself and now she doesn’t want you.

it’s a bpd trait where you can devalue someone you care about so that it doesn’t hurt when they leave. I did this with a girl I had been dating for 10 years one day she said she’d had enough after an argument and she left for the weekend and when she came back on the Monday I had gone. I don’t think about her at all even after all that time my life just carried on ... I feel nothing for her now no hate no love it’s like we never met each other, she is essentially nothing to me.

Sorry to tell you bro but this sounds like what she’s doing and if that is what she’s doing she’s not pretending she genuinely doesn’t think about the relationship anymore. You were drunk and caught her cheating which is her fault she did a bad thing but as soon as you said “that’s it it’s over” this is what happened.

I’m not blaming you I’m just saying what I think has caused her to blank you.

I think you need a gf without bpd I understand you care about her and love her but if you try and be with her now it will probably cause you more heartbreak. :hug: sorry you’re going through such a bad time :(
 
F

fragrant_violet

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This girl cannot control herself

Please try forget her
 
W

whudu

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You said one day you caught her cheating on the Internet and you said this is the end I don’t want you then she tried to kill herself as someone with bpd it sounds to me like she thought you were abandoning her and now she’s devalued you to protect herself and now she doesn’t want you.

it’s a bpd trait where you can devalue someone you care about so that it doesn’t hurt when they leave. I did this with a girl I had been dating for 10 years one day she said she’d had enough after an argument and she left for the weekend and when she came back on the Monday I had gone. I don’t think about her at all even after all that time my life just carried on ... I feel nothing for her now no hate no love it’s like we never met each other, she is essentially nothing to me.

Sorry to tell you bro but this sounds like what she’s doing and if that is what she’s doing she’s not pretending she genuinely doesn’t think about the relationship anymore. You were drunk and caught her cheating which is her fault she did a bad thing but as soon as you said “that’s it it’s over” this is what happened.

I’m not blaming you I’m just saying what I think has caused her to blank you.

I think you need a gf without bpd I understand you care about her and love her but if you try and be with her now it will probably cause you more heartbreak. :hug: sorry you’re going through such a bad time :(
Oh, thanks for your long msg. I just want to ask you some questions.

1) You were with that girl for 10 years. In your relationship was she helping you so much? who was the giver always in this relationship?
2) So once you have gone even 1 day u didn't think about her?
3) I am sure u were with many girls after u left her. But did u try to get revenge on that girl? I just want to learn the reason why she posts pictures on Instagram with love words, publishing stories without blocking me, my family and my workers. She did this only 1-2 days later she left. What can be the reason for that? In your story she is gone and then comes back then u left In my story I caught her and she didn't want to leave my city and wanted to work with me. But I pushed her to go. So can the result different? Why she didn't want to leave?

Now she is staying in a small house. Her new BF can't stay with her all day. They just meet 2-3 days a week. She can't sleep without a person, she is afraid of the storm. She doesn't have any job, she can't go to, doctor, every week. She looks happy in all her photos but I know she can't be happy with that situation. She was boss here, working whole day, has 2 cats, has a good small house, has me who cares with her always, was going doctor taking pills, friends, dreams with job.... But now she is nothing..
 
W

whudu

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To be honest, I'm getting the impression that she will drop him as well like a hot potato as soon as she decides again that "the grass is greener on the other side"

not relationship related but my mum's the same with places to live, as soon as she gets bored of one area or something bad happens in the family she wants to move to a new area again :hug:
too bad :( Also thanks for your msg
 
W

whudu

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This girl cannot control herself

Please try forget her
yes, true friend but I love her too much and I know she can't be happy and try to fight with BDP without me. She doesn't tell anyone that she is BDP so no one will help her. I am sure her life will be ruined soon and she will become more aggressive. I see her like my girlfriend, my sister, my daughter, my friend...
 
M

MYTIMEHASCOME

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Oh, thanks for your long msg. I just want to ask you some questions.

1) You were with that girl for 10 years. In your relationship was she helping you so much? who was the giver always in this relationship?
2) So once you have gone even 1 day u didn't think about her?
3) I am sure u were with many girls after u left her. But did u try to get revenge on that girl? I just want to learn the reason why she posts pictures on Instagram with love words, publishing stories without blocking me, my family and my workers. She did this only 1-2 days later she left. What can be the reason for that? In your story she is gone and then comes back then u left In my story I caught her and she didn't want to leave my city and wanted to work with me. But I pushed her to go. So can the result different? Why she didn't want to leave?

Now she is staying in a small house. Her new BF can't stay with her all day. They just meet 2-3 days a week. She can't sleep without a person, she is afraid of the storm. She doesn't have any job, she can't go to, doctor, every week. She looks happy in all her photos but I know she can't be happy with that situation. She was boss here, working whole day, has 2 cats, has a good small house, has me who cares with her always, was going doctor taking pills, friends, dreams with job.... But now she is nothing..
1) I remember she did a lot I don’t know if she did as much as you but I remember she did a lot like I can’t remember exactly how coz when we finished I just kinda forgot about it all.
2) like maybe I thought about her if someone asked me about her that didn’t know we weren’t together, but I didn’t think about her and wonder if she was okay I just kinda forgot about her I never thought about her not even 1 hour after 1 day after nothing.
3) I can’t say for certain but like maybe she’s not blocking you because she doesn’t see a reason too she just carries on with her life.

like I didn’t block my gf on Facebook or Instagram because I didn’t care about her and I didn’t feel mad at her we were together and then we wernt.

maybe she didn’t block you because she’s not trying to make you angry or jealous or hurt You she’s just carrying on with her life and doesn’t feel anything so there’s no reason to block, but I can’t say for certain because I’m not her.

yeah In my story I’m the one with bpd so she said she wanted to leave me and left the house and then came back and because I had bpd I had gone.

she didn’t want to go with you because at the time she loved you but when you pushed her out she forgot about you she feels nothing it’s what people with bpd do we devalue people so we feel nothing about them.

trust me dude even if she isn’t happy she won’t come back to you because you pushed her out because she was cheating so even though you are right to push her out you abandoned her in her mind and she won’t forgive you ... I promise I have the same illness she has and I was with my gf twice as long even if I was suicidal and miserable and my gf said we can be together I would tell her I don’t want to be with you ... because she said she wanted out so she abandoned me and now she is dead to me ... it’s harsh but that’s how it works.

you need to move on bro and find a gf who doesn’t cheat on you and loves you back - sorry if my words upset you I’m just trying to help :hug: if you want to keep trying with her do it but I don’t think it will work :(
 
Prettyroses99

Prettyroses99

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You sound like a sweet and caring person. But it's time to move on. You have already given her another chance but she hurt you again. So you can't blame yourself for not trying.

Good luck
 
M

MYTIMEHASCOME

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Messages
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You sound like a sweet and caring person. But it's time to move on. You have already given her another chance but she hurt you again. So you can't blame yourself for not trying.

Good luck
definitely this

like it’s not you it’s her ... like I love everybody and try and help people and I love animals and I loved my gf massively but when she told me she was leaving I told myself I hated her and she was nothing to me because if I didn’t do that I’d have had a breakdown i did it to not feel the heartbreak of being left again (even though she came back) it’s a defence mechanism she needs help but unless she gets dbt it will be the same over and over.

like pretty rose said you sound like a really caring person! I know you like this girl but it doesn’t seem like it’s going to work so let it go it will save you heartache in the long run x
 
W

whudu

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1) I remember she did a lot I don’t know if she did as much as you but I remember she did a lot like I can’t remember exactly how coz when we finished I just kinda forgot about it all.
2) like maybe I thought about her if someone asked me about her that didn’t know we weren’t together, but I didn’t think about her and wonder if she was okay I just kinda forgot about her I never thought about her not even 1 hour after 1 day after nothing.
3) I can’t say for certain but like maybe she’s not blocking you because she doesn’t see a reason too she just carries on with her life.

like I didn’t block my gf on Facebook or Instagram because I didn’t care about her and I didn’t feel mad at her we were together and then we wernt.

maybe she didn’t block you because she’s not trying to make you angry or jealous or hurt You she’s just carrying on with her life and doesn’t feel anything so there’s no reason to block, but I can’t say for certain because I’m not her.

yeah In my story I’m the one with bpd so she said she wanted to leave me and left the house and then came back and because I had bpd I had gone.

she didn’t want to go with you because at the time she loved you but when you pushed her out she forgot about you she feels nothing it’s what people with bpd do we devalue people so we feel nothing about them.

trust me dude even if she isn’t happy she won’t come back to you because you pushed her out because she was cheating so even though you are right to push her out you abandoned her in her mind and she won’t forgive you ... I promise I have the same illness she has and I was with my gf twice as long even if I was suicidal and miserable and my gf said we can be together I would tell her I don’t want to be with you ... because she said she wanted out so she abandoned me and now she is dead to me ... it’s harsh but that’s how it works.

you need to move on bro and find a gf who doesn’t cheat on you and loves you back - sorry if my words upset you I’m just trying to help :hug: if you want to keep trying with her do it but I don’t think it will work :(
Thanks mate :( It seems you are true.

Her new BF is a lawyer. She told that she didint love me, I was pushing her to be with me.. After I cought her she wanted to leave my city but I didint let her go. I told her that "I will kill u if u dont give company to me. So she scared and signed the papers and gave company to me" . She said all lies and that lawyer BF believed her and they went police!!!

2 days ago police came to my restaurant and asked me questions and now we will go court with her.

But she is living in a dream. She said that "I shouted to her near some wine sellers" I tried to kick her in front of all other employees... So now these wine seller, other employers will go police and tell the truth. So nothing will happen to me. But she built her releationship on lies and that lawyer believed her. She just makes 30 min plans to save her and keep being lover with that man.

Now she blocked me from everywhere. But she didint block my rest manager . Rest manager is sharing stories about restaurant and she is looking asap. Maybe she is in #10 first looker in stories.

I contacted her before she blocked me. I tried to help her and tried to tell that man everything true bec he will learn everything. I contacted with that lawyer and told whole story. She didint reply me and also that lawyer as well.

I just understand that part. Why she keeps looking our rest stories? She doesnt share anything 3-4 days. Once our rest manager shares a story which includes me or rest pictures 1 hour later she is sharing story with that man "I love you..."
 
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