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I did a really stupid thing

L

LostGirl1987

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Oct 19, 2020
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United Kingdom
So I’ve posted many many times about a situation with a kind-of-ex that I was having a really hard time getting over. I was really struggling however over the last couple of months I’ve really felt like I’m getting better at not thinking about him nearly as often. However, that all changed two nights ago when my friend had arranged for he and I to meet up and work things out, which I appreciated at the time and we actually were able to reconcile. After quite a bit of drinking we did end up kissing a lot, even though we agreed to be friends. I felt strangely okay about it however I know he’s bad for me and I know he’s still talking to this other woman he’s involved with and the whole thing is a recipe for disaster. Since then he has messaged me saying he’s really glad we could work things out however he doesn’t seem to remember the kissing part and honestly I’m just confused. He’s messed with my head so many times and I really don’t want that to happen again. I had him blocked for so long and now I feel like I’ve just gladly let him back into my life and haven’t protected myself emotionally. For some strange reason I just cannot seem to let him go and it’s so frustrating because over time he’s become an integral part of my friend group and I’m not getting a whole lot of support from them. The anxiety is so overwhelming and I wish I could just simply not think. I have such a hard time trusting him as well as my friends and I find that it just completely ruins my happiness.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Joined
Jun 13, 2016
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2,226
So I’ve posted many many times about a situation with a kind-of-ex that I was having a really hard time getting over. I was really struggling however over the last couple of months I’ve really felt like I’m getting better at not thinking about him nearly as often. However, that all changed two nights ago when my friend had arranged for he and I to meet up and work things out, which I appreciated at the time and we actually were able to reconcile. After quite a bit of drinking we did end up kissing a lot, even though we agreed to be friends. I felt strangely okay about it however I know he’s bad for me and I know he’s still talking to this other woman he’s involved with and the whole thing is a recipe for disaster. Since then he has messaged me saying he’s really glad we could work things out however he doesn’t seem to remember the kissing part and honestly I’m just confused. He’s messed with my head so many times and I really don’t want that to happen again. I had him blocked for so long and now I feel like I’ve just gladly let him back into my life and haven’t protected myself emotionally. For some strange reason I just cannot seem to let him go and it’s so frustrating because over time he’s become an integral part of my friend group and I’m not getting a whole lot of support from them. The anxiety is so overwhelming and I wish I could just simply not think. I have such a hard time trusting him as well as my friends and I find that it just completely ruins my happiness.
Where are we without trust :hug: Are you able to create a bit of distance between you and him, to give you some thinking and breathing space :hug:
 
L

LostGirl1987

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Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
200
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United Kingdom
Where are we without trust :hug: Are you able to create a bit of distance between you and him, to give you some thinking and breathing space :hug:
Yeah I’m kind of keeping him at arms length at the moment, just trying to keep that distance. I’m going back to work soon so hopefully that should help keep my mind focused on other things.
 
Desire less

Desire less

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Mar 7, 2021
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Holland
I am sure you will not trust him again so easily...its just hard these situations, rational it's easy but emotionally it's sometimes very difficult.
Been in almost identical situations before...sometimes takes multiple times to break up.
Don't blame yourself too much ... it's nothing strange or stupid.
Try keep your distance emotional...which you seem to do already.
 
L

LostGirl1987

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Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
200
Location
United Kingdom
I am sure you will not trust him again so easily...its just hard these situations, rational it's easy but emotionally it's sometimes very difficult.
Been in almost identical situations before...sometimes takes multiple times to break up.
Don't blame yourself too much ... it's nothing strange or stupid.
Try keep your distance emotional...which you seem to do already.
Thank you so much, it’s just hard because sometimes he and I have really nice conversations and enjoy each other’s company, other times he deliberately doesn’t respond to me and is clearly very deceitful. I’m probably just overthinking him not messaging me back but it does do my head in sometimes. I just wish I wasn’t in this position again.
 
Zackthemaniac

Zackthemaniac

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Oct 16, 2019
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Location
North Carolina
Its hard when your head and heart can't agree. But it sounds to me like you know you need to stay distanced for your mental health. So keep that mindset and no more alone time or drinking together ! Lol
 
L

LostGirl1987

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Oct 19, 2020
Messages
200
Location
United Kingdom
Its hard when your head and heart can't agree. But it sounds to me like you know you need to stay distanced for your mental health. So keep that mindset and no more alone time or drinking together ! Lol
Thank you 😊 it’s just hard because I have zero trust in absolutely anyone these days and I’m always thinking of the worst case scenario. I even start thinking that maybe one of my friends are seeing him even though the idea is ridiculous, my anxiety just goes a mile a minute 😖
 
Wishbone

Wishbone

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Apr 20, 2019
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England
After quite a bit of drinking we did end up kissing a lot
however he doesn’t seem to remember the kissing part
I know he’s still talking to this other woman he’s involved with
he deliberately doesn’t respond to me and is clearly very deceitful.
As a man, let me say this: I'd put my life savings on him knowing exactly what he did with you. That's certainly never happened to me and I've been in some right states before. When the situation is confined to just you and him, even easier - believe me, he knows.

You know he's talking to another woman he's 'involved' with and at times he doesn't respond to you. To me that sounds like he's playing you both and when he's not replying to you is likely when he's with this other woman, or other women. She likely gets the same cold treatment when he's off somewhere else, like when he was with you.
I've known these types of guys, been friends with them and seen how they operate. They're usually the ones that could talk themselves out of pretty much any situation. Caught red-handed cheating with someone else and still their other halves stick with them because they've promised not to do it again, yet they don't know about all the others before and all the others to come.

You know it deep down, this guy's no good and he's no good for you. Aim higher.
 
L

LostGirl1987

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 19, 2020
Messages
200
Location
United Kingdom
As a man, let me say this: I'd put my life savings on him knowing exactly what he did with you. That's certainly never happened to me and I've been in some right states before. When the situation is confined to just you and him, even easier - believe me, he knows.

You know he's talking to another woman he's 'involved' with and at times he doesn't respond to you. To me that sounds like he's playing you both and when he's not replying to you is likely when he's with this other woman, or other women. She likely gets the same cold treatment when he's off somewhere else, like when he was with you.
I've known these types of guys, been friends with them and seen how they operate. They're usually the ones that could talk themselves out of pretty much any situation. Caught red-handed cheating with someone else and still their other halves stick with them because they've promised not to do it again, yet they don't know about all the others before and all the others to come.

You know it deep down, this guy's no good and he's no good for you. Aim higher.
Yeah I think you’re definitely right about that. Deep down I know he’s actually a terrible person, I just keep letting him reel me back in. It’s hard because we didn’t speak for months and now he’s suddenly in my life again and I don’t think I was ready for it yet. I feel like he’s being really manipulative and making me feel like the irrational one.
 
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