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I destroyed the best thing in my life

N

Nancourt

Well-known member
Joined
May 26, 2018
Messages
222
My Girlfriend of only 2 months broke up with me 5 weeks ago. And it has wreaked havoc on my life. I am 23 years old and a student in his final year at university. I have been depressed all my life and I don't really have any happy memories in my life except for when i met her. When I met her I felt that my life started to change. I suddenly felt happy and I allowed myself to fall for her and her family-they are amazing. i still love her-I know it's weird and stupid that I feel this way about a girl that Ive know for two months. But I do. I acted cold and distant to her the night we broke up, because I thought wrongly that she was being cold and distant. i am filled with so much regret and self hate, because she is such an amazing person. And now she's gone forever. The one person who had the potential to love me is gone. And honestly I don't see the point to life anymore. Everything I put value in before, is meaningless now. I have stopped caring about virtually everything. I am haunted every night by dreams of her. I am crying every single day. Every day is getting worse and worse, only now I have to pretend it's getting better because of the people around me who told me I should have moved on by now. But I can't move on, not when I feel this way about someone, I'm in love and the feeling isn't going away. I haven't been studying at all as a result. She was my first love. I've never really had a girlfriend before, only her. She was special to me. I wish I didn't mess it up so badly. But I guess I deserve what i got. I deserve to be alone. That's why I've started to consider ending things. This time for real. Before I met her I always thought about suicide. Then I met her and those feelings and thoughts went away. Now theyre back with a vengeance. I am alone. No one messages me anymore. She doesn't ask about my day and wishes me good morning and good night anymore. She had pursued me so much in the beginning, now I'm just alone, again. And I don't want to live like that again. I want to die. Because I refuse to be 30 or 40 and still not met anyone else. I want to be in love with someone, I want to have someone by my side. I am sorry for the pathetic rant but I can't tell this to anybody else in my life right now because they're all really busy or sick of it by now. I hate myself for always ruining the best things in my life and I always do. I am alone again. I keep self-sabotaging myself. Why couldn't I have been happy with her.
 
P

PaulDUK

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 22, 2019
Messages
78
Location
UK
My Girlfriend of only 2 months broke up with me 5 weeks ago. And it has wreaked havoc on my life. I am 23 years old and a student in his final year at university. I have been depressed all my life and I don't really have any happy memories in my life except for when i met her. When I met her I felt that my life started to change. I suddenly felt happy and I allowed myself to fall for her and her family-they are amazing. i still love her-I know it's weird and stupid that I feel this way about a girl that Ive know for two months. But I do. I acted cold and distant to her the night we broke up, because I thought wrongly that she was being cold and distant. i am filled with so much regret and self hate, because she is such an amazing person. And now she's gone forever. The one person who had the potential to love me is gone. And honestly I don't see the point to life anymore. Everything I put value in before, is meaningless now. I have stopped caring about virtually everything. I am haunted every night by dreams of her. I am crying every single day. Every day is getting worse and worse, only now I have to pretend it's getting better because of the people around me who told me I should have moved on by now. But I can't move on, not when I feel this way about someone, I'm in love and the feeling isn't going away. I haven't been studying at all as a result. She was my first love. I've never really had a girlfriend before, only her. She was special to me. I wish I didn't mess it up so badly. But I guess I deserve what i got. I deserve to be alone. That's why I've started to consider ending things. This time for real. Before I met her I always thought about suicide. Then I met her and those feelings and thoughts went away. Now theyre back with a vengeance. I am alone. No one messages me anymore. She doesn't ask about my day and wishes me good morning and good night anymore. She had pursued me so much in the beginning, now I'm just alone, again. And I don't want to live like that again. I want to die. Because I refuse to be 30 or 40 and still not met anyone else. I want to be in love with someone, I want to have someone by my side. I am sorry for the pathetic rant but I can't tell this to anybody else in my life right now because they're all really busy or sick of it by now. I hate myself for always ruining the best things in my life and I always do. I am alone again. I keep self-sabotaging myself. Why couldn't I have been happy with her.

Mate, I am feeling your pain. You are young though and whilst this may seem so painful, you have your life ahead of you and there may be other painful split ups, but it is a learning process to get to where you need to be. I know my words maybe do not help, but I fell your pain and so you are not alone, remember that.
 
D

dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,927
My Girlfriend of only 2 months broke up with me 5 weeks ago. And it has wreaked havoc on my life. I am 23 years old and a student in his final year at university. I have been depressed all my life and I don't really have any happy memories in my life except for when i met her. When I met her I felt that my life started to change. I suddenly felt happy and I allowed myself to fall for her and her family-they are amazing. i still love her-I know it's weird and stupid that I feel this way about a girl that Ive know for two months. But I do. I acted cold and distant to her the night we broke up, because I thought wrongly that she was being cold and distant. i am filled with so much regret and self hate, because she is such an amazing person. And now she's gone forever. The one person who had the potential to love me is gone. And honestly I don't see the point to life anymore. Everything I put value in before, is meaningless now. I have stopped caring about virtually everything. I am haunted every night by dreams of her. I am crying every single day. Every day is getting worse and worse, only now I have to pretend it's getting better because of the people around me who told me I should have moved on by now. But I can't move on, not when I feel this way about someone, I'm in love and the feeling isn't going away. I haven't been studying at all as a result. She was my first love. I've never really had a girlfriend before, only her. She was special to me. I wish I didn't mess it up so badly. But I guess I deserve what i got. I deserve to be alone. That's why I've started to consider ending things. This time for real. Before I met her I always thought about suicide. Then I met her and those feelings and thoughts went away. Now theyre back with a vengeance. I am alone. No one messages me anymore. She doesn't ask about my day and wishes me good morning and good night anymore. She had pursued me so much in the beginning, now I'm just alone, again. And I don't want to live like that again. I want to die. Because I refuse to be 30 or 40 and still not met anyone else. I want to be in love with someone, I want to have someone by my side. I am sorry for the pathetic rant but I can't tell this to anybody else in my life right now because they're all really busy or sick of it by now. I hate myself for always ruining the best things in my life and I always do. I am alone again. I keep self-sabotaging myself. Why couldn't I have been happy with her.
Hmm relatable. I know those feels. It's hard.
If you felt suicidal before you met her, and she took that away, it's as if she acted as a cure for you. I'm not sure what went wrong or why, but at the bottom of it, it's unlikely that anyone could be a cure for someone's deep-rooted problems that way. Surely you can see that too?
I know you're clouded by all the emotions you have for this girl and they are foggy and intense, but you need to take care of you too. Stop beating yourself up, people get in relationships, they mess up, they get better, they understand themselves better, they try again. That's life.
You need to find something in yourself you love. And I know that can feel really hard. Just try to heal yourself a little, do some counselling, read some self-help books, post on here, share with a friend, make new friends, whatever works.
I know it feels like that was your one chance with that girl, but honestly that's just your mind tricking you. You'll go through loads of phases in life of meeting new people, and you will find more people you feel a spark with. Honestly, you're not 30 or 40 and alone yet, and trust me, if you look for new opportunities like new jobs, new hobbies, move to a new place etc, you'll meet lots of new people. Nothing is written in stone yet. Open yourself up to some possibility, at least.
This pain will go away. You may hold some insecurities in your heart, but we all do. You'll be okay.
 
Y

Yodagirl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2019
Messages
626
Location
Georgia USA
Im
My Girlfriend of only 2 months broke up with me 5 weeks ago. And it has wreaked havoc on my life. I am 23 years old and a student in his final year at university. I have been depressed all my life and I don't really have any happy memories in my life except for when i met her. When I met her I felt that my life started to change. I suddenly felt happy and I allowed myself to fall for her and her family-they are amazing. i still love her-I know it's weird and stupid that I feel this way about a girl that Ive know for two months. But I do. I acted cold and distant to her the night we broke up, because I thought wrongly that she was being cold and distant. i am filled with so much regret and self hate, because she is such an amazing person. And now she's gone forever. The one person who had the potential to love me is gone. And honestly I don't see the point to life anymore. Everything I put value in before, is meaningless now. I have stopped caring about virtually everything. I am haunted every night by dreams of her. I am crying every single day. Every day is getting worse and worse, only now I have to pretend it's getting better because of the people around me who told me I should have moved on by now. But I can't move on, not when I feel this way about someone, I'm in love and the feeling isn't going away. I haven't been studying at all as a result. She was my first love. I've never really had a girlfriend before, only her. She was special to me. I wish I didn't mess it up so badly. But I guess I deserve what i got. I deserve to be alone. That's why I've started to consider ending things. This time for real. Before I met her I always thought about suicide. Then I met her and those feelings and thoughts went away. Now theyre back with a vengeance. I am alone. No one messages me anymore. She doesn't ask about my day and wishes me good morning and good night anymore. She had pursued me so much in the beginning, now I'm just alone, again. And I don't want to live like that again. I want to die. Because I refuse to be 30 or 40 and still not met anyone else. I want to be in love with someone, I want to have someone by my side. I am sorry for the pathetic rant but I can't tell this to anybody else in my life right now because they're all really busy or sick of it by now. I hate myself for always ruining the best things in my life and I always do. I am alone again. I keep self-sabotaging myself. Why couldn't I have been happy with her.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. But always remember the sun will shine eventually in even the darkest of places. Have you tried to reach out to her and ask for forgiveness and see if things can be worked out? I know it doesn’t feel like it now but things will get better.
 
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Nancourt

Well-known member
Joined
May 26, 2018
Messages
222
Im

I’m really sorry you’re going through this. But always remember the sun will shine eventually in even the darkest of places. Have you tried to reach out to her and ask for forgiveness and see if things can be worked out? I know it doesn’t feel like it now but things will get better.
Thank you for replying. I did try to talk to her. I wrote her a letter. We attend the same university course only she's in her first year and we live in the same town so I see her around. She came to sit near me and observe me a few weeks back (Im in a dental course) but only platonically, but that was it. This monday she was in the clinic but she only smiles at me and went to sit near someone else. Now she doesn't even look at me. She blocked me on instagram, last week. So yeah I must be some kind of monster. I know she's moved on, but if you knew the beginning of the relationship and how into me she was. I realise it's over but it doesn't make things better at all. I realise now that the night we broke up i was being too clingy. I asked if she had wanted to meet up for a minute at school or if she just wanted to meet up later and she said better we just meet up later. and I felt offended and that she became distant. And now i realise what i did and how much I hate myself for it.And these shitty traits I have will ensure I'm single forever. I lost an amazing girl. And she will never look at me the same again. I lost someone who i thought could be my soulmate. I really connected with her and her family. Her family are really nice, the complete opposite of mine. In mine we just fight and offend each other, my father yells all the time and is always upset. For that reason I dislike him. My mom has schizophrenia, so I can't depend on her, plus when i was 11 she left us for 3 or 4 years.
 
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Nancourt

Well-known member
Joined
May 26, 2018
Messages
222
Hmm relatable. I know those feels. It's hard.
If you felt suicidal before you met her, and she took that away, it's as if she acted as a cure for you. I'm not sure what went wrong or why, but at the bottom of it, it's unlikely that anyone could be a cure for someone's deep-rooted problems that way. Surely you can see that too?
I know you're clouded by all the emotions you have for this girl and they are foggy and intense, but you need to take care of you too. Stop beating yourself up, people get in relationships, they mess up, they get better, they understand themselves better, they try again. That's life.
You need to find something in yourself you love. And I know that can feel really hard. Just try to heal yourself a little, do some counselling, read some self-help books, post on here, share with a friend, make new friends, whatever works.
I know it feels like that was your one chance with that girl, but honestly that's just your mind tricking you. You'll go through loads of phases in life of meeting new people, and you will find more people you feel a spark with. Honestly, you're not 30 or 40 and alone yet, and trust me, if you look for new opportunities like new jobs, new hobbies, move to a new place etc, you'll meet lots of new people. Nothing is written in stone yet. Open yourself up to some possibility, at least.
This pain will go away. You may hold some insecurities in your heart, but we all do. You'll be okay.
Thank you for your reply.
 
N

Nancourt

Well-known member
Joined
May 26, 2018
Messages
222
Mate, I am feeling your pain. You are young though and whilst this may seem so painful, you have your life ahead of you and there may be other painful split ups, but it is a learning process to get to where you need to be. I know my words maybe do not help, but I fell your pain and so you are not alone, remember that.
thank you for your words
 
Y

Yodagirl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2019
Messages
626
Location
Georgia USA
Thank you for replying. I did try to talk to her. I wrote her a letter. We attend the same university course only she's in her first year and we live in the same town so I see her around. She came to sit near me and observe me a few weeks back (Im in a dental course) but only platonically, but that was it. This monday she was in the clinic but she only smiles at me and went to sit near someone else. Now she doesn't even look at me. She blocked me on instagram, last week. So yeah I must be some kind of monster. I know she's moved on, but if you knew the beginning of the relationship and how into me she was. I realise it's over but it doesn't make things better at all. I realise now that the night we broke up i was being too clingy. I asked if she had wanted to meet up for a minute at school or if she just wanted to meet up later and she said better we just meet up later. and I felt offended and that she became distant. And now i realise what i did and how much I hate myself for it.And these shitty traits I have will ensure I'm single forever. I lost an amazing girl. And she will never look at me the same again. I lost someone who i thought could be my soulmate. I really connected with her and her family. Her family are really nice, the complete opposite of mine. In mine we just fight and offend each other, my father yells all the time and is always upset. For that reason I dislike him. My mom has schizophrenia, so I can't depend on her, plus when i was 11 she left us for 3 or 4 years.
I can understand you being upset,but please please don’t think about taking your own life! You will be gone,but everyone else will have to still live with that pain! I’ve had my heart broken a time or two and it was really hard but it eventually gets better. And I totally understand the family issue as well my Mom is how your father is and she was very abusive physically and mentally. My Dad is an alcoholic. I’m not the best at talking but I’m always here to listen. 😊
 
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Partlysolved

Active member
Joined
Jan 12, 2019
Messages
36
Before I met her I always thought about suicide. Then I met her and those feelings and thoughts went away. Now theyre back with a vengeance.
Try not to be dependent on someone to take away your suicidal thoughts. If not, you will find yourself in a difficult situation once the person you are dependent on goes away or is suddenly missing in your life.
 
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Nancourt

Well-known member
Joined
May 26, 2018
Messages
222
I can understand you being upset,but please please don’t think about taking your own life! You will be gone,but everyone else will have to still live with that pain! I’ve had my heart broken a time or two and it was really hard but it eventually gets better. And I totally understand the family issue as well my Mom is how your father is and she was very abusive physically and mentally. My Dad is an alcoholic. I’m not the best at talking but I’m always here to listen. 😊
I want to thank you for talking to me. I know my problems might pale in comparison to what you go through so I'm sorry about that. I also know that i might be sounding weak but that's because I am. the reason I don't want to live anymore is because I am sick ob being alone and I am sick of the good things in life ending. And she was the best thing to have ever happened to me. I feel like it was love. Girls never like me in a desirable way usually. But she did, she approached me. I think this might have to do with my personality I guess.I couldn't hold onto her for more than 2 months that tells me that I'm a failure at life. The last time a girl liked me was 5 years ago, I had a "fling" with her and that aswell only lasted 2 months. Because people must find me repulsive. I bet she saw the inner crazy and wanted nothing to do with me anymore. nobody ever does
 
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Yodagirl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2019
Messages
626
Location
Georgia USA
No problem. Do you still live with your parents? Maybe getting out of that toxic environment would be good for you. In my opinion I believe you could benefit from seeing a therapist, I’ve seen one and it’s great to get my feelings out there. Also I found out I had ptsd from my childhood. And also, have you been to talk to your GP about this issue? I don’t believe for one minute that you’re a failure at life or repulsive. If they left after two months I would say they weren’t right for you. When you love someone your there for them in good and bad times, you don’t just give up and walk away. The right girl will come along and accept you even with flaws when you least expect it, so don’t give up.
 
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Nancourt

Well-known member
Joined
May 26, 2018
Messages
222
No problem. Do you still live with your parents? Maybe getting out of that toxic environment would be good for you. In my opinion I believe you could benefit from seeing a therapist, I’ve seen one and it’s great to get my feelings out there. Also I found out I had ptsd from my childhood. And also, have you been to talk to your GP about this issue? I don’t believe for one minute that you’re a failure at life or repulsive. If they left after two months I would say they weren’t right for you. When you love someone your there for them in good and bad times, you don’t just give up and walk away. The right girl will come along and accept you even with flaws when you least expect it, so don’t give up.
Yes I still do. I'm in my last year studying so leaving home isn't the wisest choice right now. Truth be told I should have left 5 years ago. Thank you for your support btw. I know you must have your own life so I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me. If I could pay back this kindness i would, so thank you
 
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Yodagirl

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 9, 2019
Messages
626
Location
Georgia USA
Yes I still do. I'm in my last year studying so leaving home isn't the wisest choice right now. Truth be told I should have left 5 years ago. Thank you for your support btw. I know you must have your own life so I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me. If I could pay back this kindness i would, so thank you
😊 It’s absolutely no problem at all! I could understand it not being the right time to move out. Hopefully you can do that in the near future after your studies are done.
 
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