• Share. Be Supported. Recover.

    We are a friendly, safe community supporting each other's mental health. We are open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.

I deserve the award for ‘Worst Mental Health’



I have social anxiety, general anxiety, a learning disability, and major depression. I’ve been fighting a losing battle with my mental health for most of my life (28 years old). I’m fairly smart and capable, with above average physical health, but I’ve been unable find and keep employment due to my poor mental health. I lasted 2 days at my last job before attempting suicide.

I do not experience joy, happiness, satisfaction… or any feelings in the positive spectrum of human emotion. I feel there is a futility with every action I take. I do not have a libido, and thus have never sought companionship with another human being. I do not have friends, and have no desire to make any. In fact, I have no desires or ambition whatsoever. I feel that I could win the lottery tomorrow and it wouldn’t make a difference. It would be nice to be off social assistance, though.

As a strong believer in Evolution and Dwarin’s theory of ‘natural selection’, ‘survival of the fittest’, etc. … I cannot help but feel that I’ve been selected by nature to fail. I do not feel bad about it anymore. A sort of peace comes with acceptance. I am helping my species by not reproducing. I would turn down any such opportunity because I could never risk creating another person like myself. It would be unfair to the child.

The dilemma is that I must continue to exist for foreseeable future (for ethical reasons). Sometimes when the pain of living is too great, I think about how it will all be over some day. I look forward to the day when there are no more thoughts, memories, or feelings. I do not believe in an afterlife, and the peace of oblivion has a lovely allure.

I'm at the bottom of a bottomless hole.


Well-known member
Founding Member
Apr 4, 2008
Borderline everyone is a valuable individual.You are not an exception. You may not have had the treatment and support that you need. I immediately thought of a therapeutic community I don't know if they have them in Canada.
Don't give up on yourself try and seek some help and support.
You could start a blog on here.
Take care.


Thanks for the reply. I was actually banned from a previous Depression Forum because my opening post was too depressing (I toned it down this time).

I am seeing a psychiatrist and I'm on medication. Prozac and Risperidone. I'm being weaned off the latter starting tonight, and in favor of another medication. I forget what it's called, but it causes weight gain as a side-effect.

At this point, I'd be willing to lose my hair, teeth, and gain a few hundred pounds if it meant I could be at peace with myself. I'm willing to sacrifice my personality as well.

Probably a no on the blog idea, I'm not very good at writing.


I broke down today and I may have to be committed. My avatar is exactly what I look like at the moment.
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
M I don't deserve to be here Depression Forum 4
D Guilt and fear of karma, but I deserve it Depression Forum 4
N I just wish i had a second chance. i know i dont deserve it. but if i could just have one more chance just one Depression Forum 6
Fairy Lucretia do i deserve to be happy? Depression Forum 10
D If you think I deserve it, may you help me? Depression Forum 1
T Exhausted. Do I deserve this? Depression Forum 6
L Feeling like you don't deserve what you have Depression Forum 9
X I'm depressed, but I don't deserve to be at all Depression Forum 4
M Why we all deserve depression Depression Forum 16
G I feel like I don't deserve depression Depression Forum 7
Y such a useless person doesn't deserve to live Depression Forum 5
Anime-Alchemy Do I deserve help? Depression Forum 3
A I guess I deserve it ... Depression Forum 12
B Do we deserve honestty? Depression Forum 4
razza Hate myself. Deserve to be punished. To die. Depression Forum 265
S do i deserve it? Depression Forum 11
MeAndMyDepression Who is the worst slob? Depression Forum 8
R I imagine that the worst possible things will happen Depression Forum 10
jajingna Do you have a worst or best time of day? Depression Forum 10
C I feel like the worst person in the world Depression Forum 19
JessisMe Mornings are THE WORST!!! Depression Forum 7
manicmonday Feeling like the worst mum in the world Depression Forum 13
C Worst week of my life :( Please help. Depression Forum 4
Jimh Worst week in 9 years Depression Forum 30
wollie Your worst nightmare Depression Forum 4
M The worst Depression Forum 5
G Today has been my worst day in probably years... Depression Forum 10
Urban Hermit Worst day of the week? Depression Forum 8
I worst day rver😢 Depression Forum 5
W Worst I’ve felt in a long time Depression Forum 1
Z My own worst enemy! Depression Forum 1
I Depression the worst part of schizoaffective disorder. Depression Forum 1
M Own worst enemy Depression Forum 1
C My boyfriend's worst episode - depression Depression Forum 3
L Worst day for a long while Depression Forum 2
P My Worst Enemy Depression Forum 2
J This round of depression is the worst I've felt Depression Forum 1
B I've been fighting with depression for 10 years. It feels like everything is getting worst for every year. Depression Forum 5
J worst episode of depression Depression Forum 3
G The worst thing Depression Forum 1
K The worst person in the world is me! Depression Forum 6
student12 I feel the more good i do the worst i get treated Depression Forum 1
C My own worst enemy Depression Forum 9
V worst day in ages dont know why Depression Forum 5
J Worst night in a while Depression Forum 10
B In your opinion, what's the worst job to have when you're clinically depressed or have Bipolar Disorder? Depression Forum 4
LX_Marego a turn for the worst Depression Forum 4
E my worst day of the past 2 weeks :'( Depression Forum 1
lpattie Worst nights sleep of my life Depression Forum 4
W Is the worst Depression Forum 5

Similar threads