I cry all the time because im scared of loosing my mum

[beckie.x03]

Im 17 and my mums 47 but im constantly thinking about what my lifes gonna be like when my mum dies. Im feeling emotional now just writing about it and I know im gonna cry sometime soon! Its not like there is anything wrong with my mum. Shes healthy and she has quit smoking for a year now and says she will never go back. But just thinking about not having my mum really really upsets me. (The tears have started now!!)

When I was little I used to be really close to my mum. We would do everything together, make dinner, watch TV, go shopping and I would tell her all my secrets and worries and she was my best friend and no one would EVER replace her. Shes still my best friend but we are not how we used to be and I know we never will be again. We argue ALOT and I can say some real hurtful things that I dont mean.

I just wont be able to cope when my mum dies and I know it already! ..I just cant put into words how I would be if my mum died. It would be like I had died myself.

My mum and dad are together and happy but I dont really have a close relationship with my dad and I dont have these feelings about being alone if he died and I donthave them about my younger brother. I mean I would be upset and cry but I think I would be able to cope, I just couldnt cope if I didnt have my mum.

 

[Aahbut]

Hi Beckie,

We all have those thoughts around your age, I know I did. When we are young we see ourselves as indestructible, as if we can live for ever. The difference between 17 and 47 seems massive, so we see people that age as closer to death, which I suppose they are. There is no reason your mum will not live to a ripe old age, so stop worrying yourself. It is probably the worry that is putting that wedge between you that stops you being good friends again. We all have to die sometime, don't worry yourself closer to it, or your mum.

 

[Dollit]

Beckie, Aahbut is right. We develop our feelings of mortality in our teens and coupled with those hormonal changes it pretty much messes us up for a while. It is normal to feel like this, to think of how you would cope if you lost someone close. It doesn't mean it will happen just yet. What you have to remember is that how you think you'll cope and how you actually do cope are two different things. It's quite amazing how resilient we are and how well we cope. Just enjoy being with your mum and don't worry about falling out with her, that's part of growing older and testing boundaries.