- Jan 1, 2021
I feel like crap. The worst part is I don't even have the reason to. I just got back results on my first assignment for college and I got 89%, I gave it my all and I was expecting to be at least in the 90's with a GPA of 9. I still got an A but it's pathetic, my friend who is less academically inclined than me got 100% and I am so happy for her but it just furthers the disappointment in myself. School was horrible for me and the only thing I ever did well at was the schoolwork, I didn't have any friends and was constantly bullied. Now I don't even have the smarts. I just wonder what the point is, I am 25 years old and getting upset over a grade like my life depends on it. Even though I have the skills to self soothe it's not always enough. But with BPD, I know that there will always be times like this where I want to hurt and I can't. I'm so ashamed of myself, the grade, my reaction to it, everything. I feel disgusted with myself I wish I had somebody to talk to about it but instead I just silently cried all night like a baby.