I can't stand this any longer ! Can't stop crying

[skyblue]

Rapid Cycling,... I can't stand this any longer. I know there's nothing anybody here can do, but I can't stop crying/mixed episode. I feel so low right now that I can't stop thinking about ending my life. But how can I possibly do this when my children need me ? I'm being pulled in both directions and my head is messed up.
I feel so angry about myself, I hate myself for being this way, I can't forgive myself for something I've done in stupidity. I'm so bloody stupid ! I want to harm myself so bad.

I just can't bare it anymore.

 

[emski]

I can understand how you feel. But we have to stop apologising for things that are beyond our control. And for the things that happen when we are unwell? We can't blame ourselves for those either. It all perpetuates the cycle of self-hatred and self-deprecation.

If you had epilepsy for example, would you blame yourself for having seizures and feel the constant need to apologise to everyone?

I have been feeling the need to blame myself for something that happened a week ago, and I feel the need to apologise and right the wrong. But I can't because I can't change what happened, and others can't forgive me if I can't forgive myself.

So I just need to move on, even if I think I may have lost my best friend in the process - what's done is done though, I can't change that.

Skyblue, you need to allow yourself to be unwell. It is ok. If you believe that it is ok to be ill right now, you might stop blaming yourself for being unwell, and beating yourself up about it and hating yourself. I know you're feeling terrible right now, and not much anyone can say can change that, but if you try and allow yourself, and give yourself the time to go through the process, it may be that little bit less painful to go through

Thinking of you and wishing you well and lots of

 

[skyblue]

I can't forgive myself for letting my son down. I'm so, so worried about this situation with the appeals, I have to wait until May 25th for one appeal and then they still don't let you know until 7 days later. I have another appeal in late June. I messed up the original application form and now both of these schools are full. They will not accept him because of my stupid mistake, despite being in the catchment area. I feel like the worst mum ever, I feel physicall sick.

My son will have to walk to the allocated school they've put him in and cross 3 main roads, it's also about 20mins from our home. I can't stand the thought of it. I'm so worried about his safety. It'll be hard to drive him there because my daughter has school in the opposite direction, 6mile drive. I don't know what to do. I could drive him there, but then he'll be waiting around for ages until the school opens, that's no good either. What will he do when it's winter/snow/ice.

 

[emski]

Skyblue, it is not your fault though - please don't blame yourself. Doesn't your partner have equal responsibility? Not saying you should blame him, but in that you are not blaming him then you are putting it all over yourself.

Maybe your son will make new friends nearby with whom he can walk to school? Or what about a school bus?

 

[skyblue]

Skyblue, it is not your fault though - please don't blame yourself. Doesn't your partner have equal responsibility? Not saying you should blame him, but in that you are not blaming him then you are putting it all over yourself.

Maybe your son will make new friends nearby with whom he can walk to school? Or what about a school bus?

My partner pisses off at times because he doesn't ever think about these things, he leaves it all up to me. I have to do everything for the children, with all the decision making, absolutely bloody everything and I feel like a single mum to be honest.

It isn't equal responsibility, because it was my fault, I was the one who wrote the application form out, but I know what you mean, he just sits on his ass and doesn't look into anything when considering our son's future. I don't know why he's like that, I can't understand it.

To tell you the truth, I really don't think they'll be any kids that live close by going to that school because it's out of catchment and also there isn't a bus that runs there. There's a bus that runs to the station, bus should take 5mins, he could walk from there, but then he'll still have to cross two main roads and walk another 10mins.

 

[skyblue]

Btw - He's not stressing about it all, it's like he doesn't seem to care, it really gets my back up.

 

[emski]

I believe a lot of Dad's are like that, especially if he sees himself as the breadwinner, and that excuses him from any kind of work at home (?)

You made the mistake on the form when you weren't well, so it is not a question of fault or blame

 

[skyblue]

I believe a lot of Dad's are like that, especially if he sees himself as the breadwinner, and that excuses him from any kind of work at home (?)

Yep, I think you're probably right there.

I feel so hopeless, a walking disaster.

I can only wait to appeal and hope they hear me, I so hope everythings going to turn out ok.

 

[emski]

Whatever happens Skyblue, it WILL work out okay

 

[skyblue]

Thanks for helping Emski xx

 

[jax]

Just wanted to give you a ((((( Hug ))))) Know just what youare going through. x x x

 

[Libra1]

Skyblue, am sorry to read you are so distressed over your sons' school place and the coming appeal

As the mum of 3, 2 boys at Uni now and a daughter (youngest) working, I do empathise with the 'stress' you feel over this situation. My husband worked away and I was left with sole care etc. and understand how overwhelming it all can be right now.

I am a former secondary school governor, and taught special needs teenagers at another school in the borough and just wanted to say, when you go to appeal please stipulate, your sons' name be placed on the 'waiting list' of a school/schools within your catchment area as some students' do not like/or are unable to settle at their 'chosen' - first choice school and move schools between years 7 and 8. There just might then be a chance your son would end up within your catchment area

Please get onto your LEA/ Appeals Service and explain you have exceptional circumstances for your son to be within your catchment area.
Please keep your Gp/hospital doctors up to date with all of this added stress.
Wait until after the elections, then get your local Mp involved too.

In the meantime please stop beating yourself up, and try and stop the fags and coffee and eat and rest a little over the weekend. You being upset will only worry and upset your children.
Hope this is of some help to you.
Take care, and let us know how you are?

 

[triple x]

hugs hun

since u helped me yesteday il try dont hate ur self from that i learned about rapid cycling it will pass u probs know this but it doesnt feel like that just now. let it out always helps for me anyway have u tried a diary sorry if it doesnt hugs

 

[skyblue]

Skyblue, am sorry to read you are so distressed over your sons' school place and the coming appeal

As the mum of 3, 2 boys at Uni now and a daughter (youngest) working, I do empathise with the 'stress' you feel over this situation. My husband worked away and I was left with sole care etc. and understand how overwhelming it all can be right now.

I am a former secondary school governor, and taught special needs teenagers at another school in the borough and just wanted to say, when you go to appeal please stipulate, your sons' name be placed on the 'waiting list' of a school/schools within your catchment area as some students' do not like/or are unable to settle at their 'chosen' - first choice school and move schools between years 7 and 8. There just might then be a chance your son would end up within your catchment area

Do you think I should wait until after the elections then
Please get onto your LEA/ Appeals Service and explain you have exceptional circumstances for your son to be within your catchment area.
Please keep your Gp/hospital doctors up to date with all of this added stress.
Wait until after the elections, then get your local Mp involved too.

In the meantime please stop beating yourself up, and try and stop the fags and coffee and eat and rest a little over the weekend. You being upset will only worry and upset your children.
Hope this is of some help to you.
Take care, and let us know how you are?

Libra, thanks for your advice. I was going to get my local MP involved, but I wasn't sure if this would make any difference, I will now though as you've mentioned it.

I have written to the school explaining the situation, I have a Psychiatrist letter too explaining I was unwell at the time of writing the original application forms out. These documents have also been sent to Statutory Appeals.

These are all going to be discussed on the day of Appeal.

Regarding MP - Do you think it's best to wait until after the elections then, or contact him now ? I hope you're around to answer this soon.

Thanks so much Libra x

 

[Libra1]

Hi Skyblue - how are you today?

I only suggested contacting your local Mp after the elections as it seems to be the only thing on their minds at the moment! They do seem to have office staff, so when you are ready I guess.

Hope you have a restful/more peaceful weekend and bank holiday.