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I CANT LIVE LIKE THIS, IS THIS SCHIZOPHRENIA? or what HELP ME

nenexx

nenexx

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Please read this, I am struggling with this so hard, I need your advice literally got nobody to talk to...

INTRODUCTION: Fear of SCHIZOPHRENIA [ PSYCHOSIS, HEARING VOICES] AND GOING INSANE

Two years ago I got diagnosed with HYPERTHYROIDSM which was terrible experience. That destroyed my mental health completely, but I 'll write about it more further below... After I got diagnosed with that few days after panic attacks started, different compulsions and opsesive thoughts + fear of death... I was struggling so hard and I refused to go to psychiatrist but at the end, I had to.I was convinced that my heart is sick (Because of tachyardia + extrasystoles), that my body is sick, that I have cancer such as lymphoma because my lymph nodes were still swollen as they are now, brain tumour and a lot of other bad things... I was convinced that I will die, and in order to prevent it because there have been so many negative thoughts I made some compulsions in order to "stop it"... This cant be thing such as instrutive thoughts, they are not thoughts, they are phrases /words that pop in head, loud in head, thought is different, or maybe they are inst. thoughts but i dont know....

Before my illness, hyperthyrodism, I have never experienced panic attacks or things that have been mentioned above... Few months ago I succesfully managed to realize that panic attacks were just false alarms and that i control my thoughts and that I had 350 negative thoughts per day and none of them happened, so it was easy for me to convince myself that I am okay.

The only thing that remained was cardiophobia and thats it, nothing else, I managed to help myself and to "cure" three different mental problems, even if they could come back at any time...

MAIN PROBLEM: The main reason why I encouraged myself and decided to see psychiatrist is because I think I might have schizophrenia or something like that, and if I dont have it now, I am sure i will develop it really soon...

When I am fully awake or even falling asleep, I tend to hear random phrases/words which make no sense, they last one second, they are NOT commanding me, or talking with me, or having ability to talk to them etc... They are in my head, but they are so loud, that I cannot control them. Sometimes they become so loud that I think that I will get schizophrenia and that I will hear them from outside, but after I hear some sound in real life, it is easy toseparate that they are in my head.I will read something and something in my mind will pop up, I cant tell its voice because voice would be distinct and I would hear it thru ears, its more like I dont know, when you are imagining something but with all force and it happens.

Sometimes music will automatically play in my mind. When I am falling asleep, I will hear random phrases or dialog which I am in, but I am not controlling it, my mind makes it, and brain is working 100 miles per hour etc... I am sleep deprived, in last two years, I slept 4-5 hours per night because of the problems that I have mentioned above.... How can I even sleep, because I am scared that I will start to hear them as real sounds.... This doesnt happen when I am listening to music or when I get good sleep, but I cant get good sleep BECAUSE I cant FALL asleep, even if I do i would wake tired and the less i sleep the worse this gets...

I DONT THINK THAT: I am god, that i can read peoples thoughts, that they can read my thoughts, that everybody wants to get me, that people are spying on me, that i have super powers, that my speech is slowed or anything like that. BUT IM AFRAID I WILL BECAUSE THIS IS HAPPEnING TO ME...

PSYCHIATRIST COMMENT: So, I went to psychiatrist who told me that it is just pure anxiety, and he gave me 0.25 mg xanax morning and 0.25 xanax night. He says this has nothing to do with schizophrenia... He is really experienced guy, but I am still afraid...

He also told me that people who are schizohprenics are usually not aware, and that they would never go to psychiatrist on their own, especially at the beggining because they dont know that schizophrenia is related disease that they have... I did milion tests on schizophrenia and every test is negative, but I cannot calm myself down... He told me to meet him again for 2 months, so you can see that is 100% convinced that I am okay...

MY COMMENT: I am so scared, I am student and I need to focus on books and college and this awful shit is killing me. 24/7 i will be listening to music just to forget about it, and this thing comes back ...
 
SoftRain

SoftRain

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I am sorry you are going through this. It must be terrifying.
 
P

PastelKittenX

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Not schizophrenia!

Still think they are intrusive thoughts.

Your psychiatrist is very right about people with schizophrenia not having awarensss.

It was my mum that took me to see a psychiatrist. I was very ill, but didn't believe I was at all.
 
ht46

ht46

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It sounds like really bad anxiety, the lack of sleep will increase problems I would suggest sleeping pills for a short period just to reset your body clock and ween off them. You can't assume its schizophrenia, it sounds like you catastrophize about different illness. Lack of sleep can be one trigger for psychosis. I think therapy would be a great start, I went to meta cognitive therapy one thing I learnt if something happens eg intrusive thoughts we become worried which makes us constantly on the look out for intrusive thoughts this in turn makes us have intrusive thoughts. So maybe try and stop stressing about your symptoms and and practice some calming exercises, self care, its bad timing considering youre a student I suggest you speak to your tutor and say youre struggling with youre mental health its really common these days and they should help, reach out.
 
nenexx

nenexx

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I hope so guys... this is strange even if i don't hear anything I imagine that I will hear something or that I am hearing and then my adrenaline pumps up and i become breathless... it is so confusing...
 
ht46

ht46

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I knew I was unwell eventually told my mum she took me to the psychiatrist.
 
nenexx

nenexx

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I knew I was unwell eventually told my mum she took me to the psychiatrist.
How long did it take you to realize that you were unwell, I went 2 days after I noticed difference...
 
ht46

ht46

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I hope so guys... this is strange even if i don't hear anything I imagine that I will hear something or that I am hearing and then my adrenaline pumps up and i become breathless... it is so confusing...
Therapy can help with this ask for meta cognitive therapy. Try and find some calming techniques, be careful with meditation if it feels like it makes this worse stop.
 
ht46

ht46

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How long did it take you to realize that you were unwell, I went 2 days after I noticed difference...
About 4 weeks until it got really bad, I was dealing with trauma and stress as well so had been acting strange for years.
 
ht46

ht46

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but like when I was at my point of needing help the symptoms were very severe, I had asked my mom to tie my hands because I was afraid of harming her.
 
nenexx

nenexx

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What were your symptoms during those years and those 4 weeks?
 
D

dasso2022

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Medication has come a long way. Worth trying, and your life is valuable and worth living.
 
ht46

ht46

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What were your symptoms during those years and those 4 weeks?
I think we spoke about it in your other thread. delusions, voices, visuals, dissociation, panic.
 
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