• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

I can't get over something my manager and my mum said. I can't stop over thinking and obsessing about it. How can I get over it?

S

Silkworm25

New member
Joined
Nov 2, 2017
Messages
2
I can't get over something my manager and my mum said. I can't stop over thinking and obsessing about it. How can I get over it?

I have been depressed for a few months now and just recently decided to go back to my old singing teacher for singing lessons. I was a bit nervous to see her again because it had been so many years. I thought that was very normal and to be expected. I had not seen her in about 3 years. So we met for the lesson and as we were talking out of nowhere out of the blue she said "it's not good to be so not sure all the time". I was already feeling very depressed and I found this very insulting. So I came home and told my mum (im still living at home and thought she would comfort me). Instead she said something that made me feel so much worse, she kind of agreed with my singing teacher and said "yeah you should be sure", "why not tell your teacher you are sure". The problem is I wasn't even sure what she was talking about. But the whole experience made me feel like its not ok to be "not sure" at times. Like, doesn't everyone go through times of uncertainty and change in their life where they are very unsure? Isn't it ok to be not sure or indecisive? I keep getting attacked by my singing teacher over this and feel very hurt and bullied. A lot of other students feel this way about her as well and myself and one other stopped going to lessons there. But what she said still bothers me. Is it ok to be not sure, aren't we all not sure at times? I'm in between jobs at the moment and employment is a bit uncertain. I feel not sure about what my next job is going to be, or how I'm going to use my degree. I guess im unsure about lots of things in life. My mum said something that implied this wasn't normal. She said something that drove me crazy, it really hurt and I haven't been able to get over it for weeks. She said I should always say I'm sure about things, even if I am not sure. I was going to sing at a gig my singing teacher offered me to sing at, but I didn't really feel ready yet to sing at it. I didn't really feel up for it. And even if I eventually would have been ready to sing at, I was so depressed that I didn't want to. Mum said just say you are sure (when I hadn't even practiced yet or rehearsed the song). It really upset me and made me so angry and I haven't been able to shake it. I've always been the kind of person who is confident enough to be honest. If I am not sure about something yet, I just say I'm not sure yet, I'm sure I'll be ready on the day I'm just not ready yet. I guess I just feel very attacked over this personality trait of mine. It makes me feel depressed that people are criticising something about who I am. I guess my questions are 1) Is it ok to be not sure at times? Aren't we all in life? 2) Isn't it more normal to say straight up. 'I'm not sure yet but will be ready on the day'. Why won't my mum listen to a different point of view? 3) Is it normal to disagree with your parents over fundamental life principles like this? Is it weird I don't agree with her about this? 4) what should I do to get over this / Stop obsessing about it and move on?
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
4,504
Location
On a comet
Hello,

1) It's absolutely perfectly ok and normal to not be sure at times or even most or all the time.

2) Yes it's normal to be honest and say you are not sure but also it's best to say you are not sure if you really are not sure. Imagine this situation: An athlete call Bob hasn't had much training and has been eating junk food, and his trainer asks if he wants to participate in an up coming race. Bob now has two choices, be honest with his trainer or lie and say he is ready.
So what you did it's correct. It's always best to be honest.

3) Yea i would say it;s normal to disagree with your family/siblings/parents about principals, philosophies, in regards to life. I'm different to both my parents in my life view and principals. Some people are similar to their parents, but others are not.

4) Just know that you have not done anything wrong and that you should be proud that you have a great quality in being honest. You know yourself best. And hopefully then you can put this behind you.
And also know that you can always ask on this forum for an opinion or to vent about life. We are not judgemental here and we will always support one another.
 
W

wildflower91

Member
Joined
Oct 19, 2017
Messages
8
I'm really glad you are talking about this situation you're facing. Talking about it is really helpful when you are unsure or confused. Here's what I think personally after reading your story:
1) It is absolutely okay to be unsure about some things. That's just part of being human. Don't let anyone make you feel otherwise about it.
2) I would agree that you're right on track with being honest if you're unsure or not ready. Honesty upfront is usually best for everyone involved. Tell the person if you aren't sure right away and ask for their support if needed. Sometimes we all need a little extra encouragement to step into something new or outside our comfort zone. As for your mom, I obviously don't know her, but it can be hard to hear a perspective different from your own when you are sure you're right. Try to be understanding and see things from her perspective (btw, that doesn't mean you have to agree with what she says).
3) I would say it's totally okay to disagree with your parents about fundamental life issues. In fact, that's pretty normal, I think, the older we get. I've not been living with my parents almost a year now and I've disagreed with them on some major things several times. As long as it isn't something that will endanger your life or the lives of others, I think disagreeing with them is just fine. Just try to make sure you disagree with her, or anyone else, with lots of respect. :)
4) As far as "getting over it" goes, I think it's important to feel upset. Feeling whatever you're feeling is part of the healing process. I find it's helpful to write it all down in a journal. I write down what the person said, the situation, and how it made me feel in the moment and how it makes me feel now. Then I would say once that happens, you don't have to let their words have power over you anymore. You are strong and smart and you don't have to let negative words control your thoughts. Replace them with good, positive ones. You are unsure, and that's okay. You need time. You are growing and taking steps. There is nothing wrong with you for doing things differently. (Maybe even consider if getting a different singing teacher would be beneficial for you.) Blessings to you, dear one.
 
C

Chamon

Member
Joined
Nov 27, 2017
Messages
6
I have found that my parents will say things thinking that they are being helpful but they have no idea how their words aren't helping. I think this is mostly because they are looking at the situation through their own experiences. I still confide in them sometimes but I don't take them very seriously. The only person who has helped me figure things out is my therapist.
 
Top