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I can't get over my ex and I'm torturing myself

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ItssRee

New member
Joined
Nov 28, 2019
Messages
1
Location
Washington
I've known my ex for years. We've always dated off and on and it always wasn't the healthiest, but over time I just couldn't find myself to let go. I met her when I was 10 years old. We broke up again for the 100th time and again I just can't get over her. I feel like my whole life revolves around her and I'm empty and desperate for her. What's weird is that I absolutely despise her. I'm not attracted to her and I don't even like her personality (when she's nice she's good to be around) but all she does is hurt me. She's able to get over me so easily and im just.. stuck. I can't move on and I haven't ever been able to. We always get back together but I just want it to end. I feel like I'm being tortured, because I can't make my own decisions without regretting them. I have the strongest urges to just text her and even ask how she's doing, if she's okay, or of she really hates me? I did earlier this night and regretted it immediately when she told me she had a boyfriend. It just hurts so fucking bad. I don't know how to get over this and I'm desperate for help right now. I know later that when I'm in an okay mood I won't want help and deny therapy. But right now I'm desperate enough to make an account on a random website for help. If you've read this far thank you so much.
 
Edinscotbrit

Edinscotbrit

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 20, 2019
Messages
207
Location
Scotland
You`ve the insight to see it wasn`t a healthy relationship, you mentioned you`ve had multiple break ups, this really never was going to work.

Delete her number, you`ve mentioned you regretted texting her and finding out she has moved on, you must do the same.

Enage in a new activity, if nothing else until the urges pass. If possible, change your number as well, then it`s on you if you text her.

You two aren`t a good fit, I doubt she hates you, you just are a part of her past now, nothing else.

Let it go.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
4,662
Location
Nowhere
hi Ree :welcome: :)

we are here for you to replace her !
its good to replace her with lots of new friends
who also like talking about relationships

is there anything else going on in your life
besides that relationship ?
how is your social life looking generally ?

:grouphug:🎶
 
B

Billy Idol

Member
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Yorkshire
I was in a EXTREMELY volatile abusive relationship for 21 years. We broke up literally hundreds of times and always i went back. She was an alcoholic, Bi-Polar, BPD, Menstrual Syndrome (bad period nark ANYTIME of month), chain Smoker and had Paranoia streak.

I always went back even though it was VERY wrong because she was in the past my best friend. I was being loyal, i was helping and if i wasn't around she for sure would self destruct and fall off a cliff.

OK, it was bad, she was extremely violent towards me on several occasions

Now here's where i an help you and anyone else reading... If you have had even just a couple of years of fighting/problems, it's high time (past time) to quit. Note when there is '''baggage'' in a relationship, it NEVER is going to get better. Damage is done.

Life is for gaining peace within yourself, not enduring any harm or sadness.

I wasted almost 2 decades of my life on this person, my biggest regret in life and if only i could reverse the clock. Now in life you an't reverse the clock so move ON. I know more than anyone how difficult this is, but ask for help, do whatever it takes, end the relationship.
 
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1

1989Dawn

Member
Joined
Nov 28, 2019
Messages
8
Location
Ontario, Canada
It’s so difficult when someone has been a big part of your life for so long. They’re part of your routine, almost engrained in your everyday life. It’s understandable why it would be so hard to move on from someone like that. That being said, it seems like you really DO want it to be over. You don’t want to torture yourself anymore. As hard as it sounds, it might be a good idea to delete any contact information for her so you can’t reach her in times of weakness. I find writing what you WOULD say to them helps. You obviously know the person well so you could imagine what they would say back and how the conversation would go. When I did this, I found that the conversation didn’t go well anyway even though I was practically talking to myself (writing conversation in journal.) I found it helped though to get what I wanted to say out, without regretting anything afterwards. And I know this is WAY easier said than done, but if you do feel like speaking with her is torturing yourself, cut contact with her and delete any contact information you have for you. You don’t need to torture yourself any longer. But since it’s so routine to have her in your life, you need to find something to replace her with. Find a new hobby or even come on this forum. Write out what you’d like to say to her. Again, easier said than done. I’m also struggling with not contacting an ex who became such a large part of my life. I wish you the best of luck and we’re all here for you!
 
T

thisisnotmylife

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 13, 2019
Messages
49
Location
UK
I went crazy over my ex, got sectioned and it ruined my life 3 months ago. he hasn't got a clue and will be living his life. its not fair but for your own sake you need to move on. please.
 
B

Billy Idol

Member
Joined
Nov 25, 2019
Messages
14
Location
Yorkshire
From my experience of People in bad relationships, i would say a lot of the problem is not having somebody ELSE to go to when you feel Bad,, so you just go to your Partner who knows what's going on, butttt, WHOM is the Person you should LEAST be going to.

Find a friend, or family, even a neighbour, someone you can go to in crisis to break the circling routine (fight -back together, fight - back together X million).

I am a good Listener, if anyone likes walking i frequent Swaledale regularly.

Could do with new friends.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2017
Messages
2,419
Location
Somewhere out there
From my experience of People in bad relationships, i would say a lot of the problem is not having somebody ELSE to go to when you feel Bad,, so you just go to your Partner who knows what's going on, butttt, WHOM is the Person you should LEAST be going to.
So true.
 
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