I cant find someone like me

[ManDss]

I feel such a desconection of people in general.

I have that feeling of "being an observer" symptom.

I can be ok around people. But I should have to fake everything. The way I move, I talk, etc. People can see Im a little weird, they see Im faking everything, they dont understand why, but anyway.

I know lot of people have this experiences. The thing is I dont relate to this people either.

I feel comfortable with myself, I dont have low self steem, Im ok about social situations, I dont have anxiety, in a group of people if I have to take the iniciative to do something I have no problem taking the first word, etc.

I have depression, since long time. It took me long time to figure it out how to be comfortable living. Ive change a lot, cant believe how I use to waste life ein the past, its a long story. I used to be like in a constant crisis all days, not talking about anxiety, more like "what to do with life", and over thinking about everything, giving too much importance to a lot of mundane things. Now this is past.

Going back to the core of this topic, Im an oddball.

I really feel I would not find someone to really feel good and comfortable in life.

I had some friends, I dont talk with them anymore because some reasons, but its like I have to cherry pick the people I like, my friends have other friends, I dont l like their friends, or, I have the again "observer symton" and I just listen their friends and I just put a "nice face" and agree with any they say because... I dont really care about their opinions


I tend to "use" people. I put a "nice face", they think Im friendly, so they I can ask them for stuff, simple stuff, nothing crazy, like if they know how to get to some direction, etc, they just "give me information" that I need, thats their value to me.

Anyway, I dont have a problem with this.

But some people that have some treats like me, seem they make a big deal of all this, and in short words, I think most of them are so dumb, they want to portrait as intelectuals, they dont see how dumb they are, and other dumbs think they are smart.

Im a very serious person, sometimes if I chat with someone on text and I see laugh, I just think "ok, this is another one of those". If a person havent read for the pleasure to learn about the world, its just not my kind of person.

Or music, or films, if someone tells me they like the popular trending shows, not my kind of people. Same with music.

Gonna wrap things here. Gonna try to keep writing other time.

 

[Scapes1986]

Thanks for sharing about this. I can relate to some of the things you’ve said. I liked how it ended.

I feel a sense of disconnect from nature right now. Just a complete shut down. And I am craving more technology. Weird.

 

[Argon]

I feel such a desconection of people in general.

I have that feeling of "being an observer" symptom.

I get you. People can seem just like zoo specimens. Silly animals living their silly lives. I'm not very social and I don't need much socialization. Are you a scientist?

 

[ManDss]

I get you. People can seem just like zoo specimens. Silly animals living their silly lives. I'm not very social and I don't need much socialization. Are you a scientist?

No.

 

[Purpleplum]

You don't sound like an oddball. You sound like an intellectual. You don't like fluff. You might want to watch being too aloof or pompous though. It's a social world. We have to at least pretend to like other humans.

 

[ManDss]

You don't sound like an oddball. You sound like an intellectual. You don't like fluff. You might want to watch being too aloof or pompous though. It's a social world. We have to at least pretend to like other humans.

I think Im and oddball in the sense that... for exaple: time ago I met a group of people, lets say we all were into a kind of new-wave, drugs, environment. They were good people, but I couldnt relate to any of them. The things they have to say are like wind to me. And thats part of the "being an observant" thing, I just look them talk, and pretend what they say is relevant to me, they are easy going and dont have "existencial issues", I talk with them and I ""secretely" vent my issues with them, they dont get whatever Im talking about, and if they grasp a bit of what Im talking and tell some something, I just listen them pretending I care of their opinion.

Lately Ive been in kind of an identity "crisis", because my personality have change so much. Now Im more easy going, I dont know how I would be with those people if Ive encounter them again. I think Ill try to be more "normal" with people, and dont pretend too much, and make boundaries, but at the end Ill end up like always, not caring about what they have to say and looking them like fools.

Ive just have 1 person I feel that when I talk I can be fully understood. Was a friend I distanced because some problems. Ive been dreaming with him, that we reconciliate, I dream we finally talk, have been 6 years since last time we talked, sometimes I make up jokes in my mind and I imagine he would laugh about the jokes we used to make. I imagine telling him of my present problems (as I used to do).

I dont thinl ever would find someone with I feel with him, or ever stop dreaming with him, or making conversations with him in my mind.

 

[newbegins]

"I dont thinl ever would find someone with I feel with him, or ever stop dreaming with him, or making conversations with him in my mind."

i don't think you are unusual in having such an association with a loved one.

altho my wife died 10 years ago, i have dreams and mental conversations daily. (unfortunately some of them are still unresolved arguments; but i guess by now it is too late to settle them. )