• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

I cant find anyone attractive. Im broken.

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M_Therd

Active member
Joined
Feb 16, 2018
Messages
31
Hey. I've been diagnosed with BPD for years now. Having trouble with relationships. The problem is I've never met anyone and thought I'd like to have sex with them. I'm attracted to certain people's personality and I get crushes but I just want to be around them and be their friend. I fall in love very easily but it's platonic. I was raped when I was a child and I think it's broken a part of me. I just don't want to have sex with anyone. I'd still like to have a relationship though, I'd like to cuddle and kiss but I really don't want to go any further than that. Is that possible for me? Can i have a relationship like that and still keep the other person happy?
 
UnstableSolace

UnstableSolace

Member
Joined
Jul 3, 2020
Messages
12
Location
United Kingdom
You can be asexual/aromantic. I myself am asexual and somewhere on the aro spectrum and from what I’ve seen it’s quite common with anyone of similar illnesses. I think it might have to do with the emotional sensitivity and/or how we act around others.

It really depends on the person. I wouldn’t really go for people who have too much sexual or romantic attraction or you will feel engulfed. Talk to them about what you want to do and what you don’t want to do, if they‘re okay with that then it’s good.
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
2,076
Location
Canada
Finding the right person may be difficult but possible. Maybe there's some website ?
 
bpd2020

bpd2020

Well-known member
Joined
May 25, 2020
Messages
6,942
Location
England
Yes, it is possible. Many people show love and affection without sex. There are many couples who do not have sex. It is just the matter of finding a like minded person.
 
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Liana

Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2020
Messages
20
Location
UK
Hey! I totally relate to this.
Personally, I rarely feel like having sex (like once every 2-3 months). I don't know what this is caused by (medication, stress, depression, sexual trauma, etc.) but I just don't crave sex nor particularly enjoy it.

First, I want to ask you if you feel comfortable with masturbation. If you do, EXPLORE THAT OPTION! That is the #1 way to re-own your body and learn to trust yourself in your body in relation to sex, intimacy and libido.

Second, remember that being intimate with someone doesn't mean having sex with someone. As other users have said, you can be in a relationship with someone who has very little libido or in an open relationship with someone who wants to be with you emotionally but still has that sexual need they could fulfill elsewhere according to rules you would set amongst you two. In any case, intimacy can be a massage, a hug session, cuddling, preliminary sexual activities, back kisses, making out softly, couples' yoga, a shared bath, a relaxing shower.

When you don't feel comfortable with your own sexuality or with "simpler" intimacy, sex feels like it's on the far end of the spectrum and doesn't seem appealing. AND THAT'S OKAY, NORMAL AND VALID. If you think you're not asexual and "just" have low libido or sexual trauma, there are tons of ways to reconnect with that sexual part of yourself if you want to. Please message me to know more about that! If you think you're asexual, I guarantee you there are TOOOOOOOOOOOONS of asexual amazing people out there for you. It's scary to connect with that part of yourself, but once you do you'll feel better I promise.

Granted, sexual compatibility is definitely important. I'm currently in a relationship with someone who has libido through the roof, and as a woman with no libido, it's hard to constantly feel "broken" and to constantly have to work on upping my sex drive. However, I believe that with hard work, relationships that are healthy make libido-work worth it.
 
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M_Therd

Active member
Joined
Feb 16, 2018
Messages
31
Thank you so much for the messages guys. It means so much. Thank you Liana you really gave me some good advice. Thank you for taking the time to help me out.
 
L

Liana

Member
Joined
Nov 17, 2020
Messages
20
Location
UK
Thank you so much for the messages guys. It means so much. Thank you Liana you really gave me some good advice. Thank you for taking the time to help me out.
Check out the YouTuber Janelle Fraser's YouTube channel and website. She's a dating coach and offers months-worth of free online content to reconnect with your body, get over sexual trauma, increase your libido, and open up to intimacy again. Here is the link to one of her videos about healing childhood trauma, specifically sexual trauma:
 
D

dewey

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,279
Really really sorry to hear you went through this and I wish you all the strength in the world. I think that a good therapist (note I Say good therapist as many therapists won't be good or won't be right for you) but a good therapist could really help you come to term with this and help you figure out what is going on. It is painful to work through painful issues of this order, with a therapist, but it can help to understand and try to make sense of what is going on. Psychoanalytic therapy might be a useful type of therapy for you to try.
 
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MYTIMEHASCOME

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 12, 2011
Messages
710
I’m with you!

I just want to cuddle and watch the grinch with someone - you are not alone my friend 🤗❤

sorry to hear you were raped :( my sister got raped and it broke her - I wanted to kill the person who did it to her but she wouldn’t tell me coz she knew I’d happily go to prison and then I wouldn’t be around anymore :( and she wanted her big brother around

You are not alone! 🤗❤🌈
 
Lavender_Rose

Lavender_Rose

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 12, 2020
Messages
1,264
Location
United States
I can relate to this. I very rarely develop crushes either and when I do ive never had fantasy of having sex with them. Ive alway felt a little weird around people who are constantly talking about hot guys and well the conversation sometimes gets explicit, to which I excuse myself because I'm just not really about that. I've never really questioned it to much because I don't get much attention so it never been an issue. But I hope you can find someone who truly loves and appreciates you for who you are. There are all kinds of relationships so you can find one that works for you.
 
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