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I cant feel anything and i cant tell anyone.

O

okokok99

Member
Joined
May 2, 2020
Messages
18
Location
Sweden
For almost 3 years i have been getting more and more apathetic and im now at a point where i basically can not feel anything. I am completely numb and i get no joy out of life what so ever. I also have issues with dissociation/depersonalization and life doesnt feel real, it doesnt feel like i exist anymore. 3 years of my life have been completely wasted. During that time i havent been living, ive simply been existing. I really can not take this anymore. I just want to feel things again and enjoy things again. The problem is i cant tell anyone. I have a great family and i know that they would be supportive of me but for some reason, for the last 3 years that ive been dealing with this, i havent been able to say a word about what im going through. They have no idea that im dealing with any of this. Its not just that it feels hard to talk about, it feels absolutely impossible. Like it isnt even an option in my mind. Is there any way i can break through this invisible barrier in my brain and get the help i need? My life is completely on autopilot and i cant seem to take back control of it.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
912
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
Maybe if you called a crisis hotline several times or more and told them what you are telling this forum, it would not be absolutely impossible for you to tell your family. You don't have to tell them everything in the beginning. Maybe you can just tell them that you've been feeling down lately and don't know what to do about it. Then see what they say. If they respond positively, then maybe you can say something else equally as vague. Maybe that's all you need to do in the beginning. Then wait several weeks and say something else equally as vague, and also see what they say. You have to go slowly with opening up to them. It's for their benefit as well as yours. Good luck.
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,088
Location
Southern USA
For almost 3 years i have been getting more and more apathetic and im now at a point where i basically can not feel anything. I am completely numb and i get no joy out of life what so ever. I also have issues with dissociation/depersonalization and life doesnt feel real, it doesnt feel like i exist anymore. 3 years of my life have been completely wasted. During that time i havent been living, ive simply been existing. I really can not take this anymore. I just want to feel things again and enjoy things again. The problem is i cant tell anyone. I have a great family and i know that they would be supportive of me but for some reason, for the last 3 years that ive been dealing with this, i havent been able to say a word about what im going through. They have no idea that im dealing with any of this. Its not just that it feels hard to talk about, it feels absolutely impossible. Like it isnt even an option in my mind. Is there any way i can break through this invisible barrier in my brain and get the help i need? My life is completely on autopilot and i cant seem to take back control of it.
Hi!
I'm so sorry and glad you are here.
Are you afraid your family will not believe you? You noted they are supportative.
Perhaps as, meandmydressiion, said it will help to practice getting your words out.
Your post was very clear.
Talk to us. ✌
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
922
i think it would be best to begin opening up like the other posters said
 
O

okokok99

Member
Joined
May 2, 2020
Messages
18
Location
Sweden
Maybe if you called a crisis hotline several times or more and told them what you are telling this forum, it would not be absolutely impossible for you to tell your family. You don't have to tell them everything in the beginning. Maybe you can just tell them that you've been feeling down lately and don't know what to do about it. Then see what they say. If they respond positively, then maybe you can say something else equally as vague. Maybe that's all you need to do in the beginning. Then wait several weeks and say something else equally as vague, and also see what they say. You have to go slowly with opening up to them. It's for their benefit as well as yours. Good luck.
I dont even think i could call a hotline. Actually taking that step in real life, telling someone about my issues just doesnt feel possible. I think maybe part of the problem is that im so apathetic and lack so much motivation that i dont have a driving force within myself to actually get help. Just like how its easier not to clean my room and instead distract myself on my computer all day, its easier to not tell anyone and just go on doing nothing. It feels like im completely stuck and i have no way out.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
4,725
Location
Canada
Then you haven't talked to a doctor, and don't take any medication? That might be the thing you need to do. How long would you put up with a headache before taking a couple pills? Well, this is worse than headache.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
912
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
You might be a candidate for ECT. Here's some information about it. I'm seriously considering doing it myself.

Hi @RockinRoddy
I had 15 sessions of ECT maybe 10 years ago. I have treatment-resistant depression, so I was willing to try it. I hear different people have different outcomes with it. For me, it was planned for me, coming from another facility by ambulance. The hospital I was admitted to had staff that I saw on a daily basis, just like in any other mental health facility where they would give you your meds, take your blood pressure several times a day, have group therapy, have arts & crafts, other fun activities, have a daily session with your psychiatrist, etc. The only thing different about this setting was that they also performed ECT treatments on some of the patients. The treatments were administered on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, so I was in the hospital for about five weeks. They turn off the water faucet in your room for those days, because you're not allowed to drink or eat because you'll be under general anesthesia. When it's your turn for treatment, they put you on a gurney and wheel you off to where the procedure is actually performed. There were about four people in this really tiny room (it was kind of funny looking at all of them in there). They give you a general anesthetic because you do convulse. You don't feel anything because you are under general anesthesia. I think the actual procedure takes around five minutes or so. They then wheel you on a gurney to a rather large recovery room (I was the only one in there) where you recover for about an hour. You feel no pain whatsoever, before, during (okay, maybe an IV needle prick if I remember correctly), or after the procedure. You don't remember anything about the procedure when you wake up in the recovery room and you wonder where you are when you do wake up. They then wheel you up to the regular patient ward. This pattern repeats for all of the patients who are getting ECT treatments. Not every patient gets ECT treatments, if I remember correctly. There are two types of placing the two electrodes on your forehead: unilateral and bilateral. In unilateral, one electrode is placed on the top of your head and the other electrode is placed on your forehead. In bilateral, the two electrodes are placed on opposite sides of your forehead. I don't know how they determine this, but I was given four unilateral treatments and eleven bilateral treatments. I kind of enjoyed being under general anesthesia, because I didn't have to worry about anything during this brief moment of time. Now for the $64,000 question: did I have any side effects from it and did it help me. As far as the side effects are concerned, it's pretty common to have some sort of memory loss (I'm not exactly sure of the statistic). The memory loss can be in the time period right after the procedure was performed or it can be further back in time. I did experience some memory loss (it's hard for me to say exactly how much, because you don't know what you don't know). My memory loss did go back all the way until I was a small child, but I think it was a small memory loss. Who knows. Now did it help me? I'd have to say no, and I wouldn't get it again. I've read that if the treatments didn't help you, that they won't help you again if you do try it for a second time. But everyone's experience with it can vary, so it's your decision call. Let me know what else you want to know. You can tell from my lengthy reply, that I'm into all aspects of this treatment.
 
J

JeanPierre

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Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,088
Location
Southern USA
I wanted to say that my mom absolutely hated the ECT treatments. She did not even look like herself (and it was horrible to even see her) after a session.
I'm sorry you went through that and it didn't help.
For her, it ultimately was a help, with the meds, but her life was such a struggle.....
It seems to have been a reset of sorts for her to work and build upon.
I wonder if it has gotten better for the patients since the 1970's. xx
 
O

okokok99

Member
Joined
May 2, 2020
Messages
18
Location
Sweden
Then you haven't talked to a doctor, and don't take any medication? That might be the thing you need to do. How long would you put up with a headache before taking a couple pills? Well, this is worse than headache.
For sure i need to see a doctor. But the problem is not necessarily that my family dont know, its that if i dont tell them i cant get treatment. I live with my family (mom and 2 brothers) and in order for me to get the treatment i need i would have to tell them somehow and thats something that i just cant do, which means i cant get treatment. This is why i feel im stuck.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Jul 31, 2020
Messages
4,725
Location
Canada
What are you going to do? Suffer in silence? This is a medical problem you need help for. Are you sure you cannot reach out and contact anyone?
 
Gdzoul28

Gdzoul28

Active member
Joined
Mar 23, 2021
Messages
27
Location
Somewhere.
Hi okokok99,
Well done for turning to somewhere for help even if it is this forum; but take on board the advise people give, it’s to help you. You shouldn’t be alone in this. If you can’t tell them, how about just writing what you said down and giving it to them?

Hope you get the help you need.
 
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