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I can't do it anymore

  • Thread starter Irrationallyrational
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Irrationallyrational

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Joined
Oct 2, 2020
Messages
11
Location
Uckfield
I don't trust anyone anymore. I don't even trust myself. I want to be invisible, I want everybody to move on and forget about me. I want to hurt myself, remind myself that there is blood that runs through this body of mine. This broken, shattered emotional body. I have no desire to live. I just exist in a world where I trust no one. How is this a life?
 
S

Skyblue

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Joined
Nov 17, 2020
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31
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United Kingdom
Trust is a very precious thing - please never doubt your own trust in yourself. You are aware of how you feel and how much that hurts. Bleeding serves no purpose. It is because you are so alive you want to verify it.
You are alive. Trust yourself. Please find the tiniest source of joy in your life and hang on to it.
 
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Irrationallyrational

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Joined
Oct 2, 2020
Messages
11
Location
Uckfield
I just can't do it anymore
Trust is a very precious thing - please never doubt your own trust in yourself. You are aware of how you feel and how much that hurts. Bleeding serves no purpose. It is because you are so alive you want to verify it.
You are alive. Trust yourself. Please find the tiniest source of joy in your life and hang on to it.
 
D

DefectiveDusk

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Nov 19, 2020
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That all sounds really heavy, Irrationallyrational. It may feel like you can't do it anymore, but know that you can and that it won't always be like this (I've been at my breaking point so many times and have learned that if I hold out long enough, the pain eventually eases at least a bit to go on a little bit longer).

I know I don't know your experience, but I can totally relate to a lot of your struggles. The goblins in my mind are constantly throwing lies at me making me question everyone around me and especially myself. I don't feel I can even trust my intensely out of control thoughts and emotions at this point since they dramatically shift from one extreme to another at the drop of a hat. What I can trust is that I'm at least feeling (whether I can label or understand those feelings or not). What I can trust is that the struggle to get up and live every single day is real. I can also trust that I've somehow made it this far and can do hard things (whether I recognize in the darkest times or not). I don't want to make assumptions, but if just living each day is a struggle, that's a solid reminder of just how courageous and strong you are to continue to keep facing each day. You can make it through this and I hope that you do.

Don't underestimate the big importance of small things -- try to think of at least 1 thing to find a sense of peace and joy in. As Skyblue suggested, embrace that joy and hold on to it. Sometimes it's the smallest things that even get me through the day whether it be a simple mug of my favorite tea, sitting in a dark room with my favorite incense, or boarding down to the park. Is there anything you can think of that could get you through to the next moment?
 
I

Irrationallyrational

Member
Joined
Oct 2, 2020
Messages
11
Location
Uckfield
That all sounds really heavy, Irrationallyrational. It may feel like you can't do it anymore, but know that you can and that it won't always be like this (I've been at my breaking point so many times and have learned that if I hold out long enough, the pain eventually eases at least a bit to go on a little bit longer).

I know I don't know your experience, but I can totally relate to a lot of your struggles. The goblins in my mind are constantly throwing lies at me making me question everyone around me and especially myself. I don't feel I can even trust my intensely out of control thoughts and emotions at this point since they dramatically shift from one extreme to another at the drop of a hat. What I can trust is that I'm at least feeling (whether I can label or understand those feelings or not). What I can trust is that the struggle to get up and live every single day is real. I can also trust that I've somehow made it this far and can do hard things (whether I recognize in the darkest times or not). I don't want to make assumptions, but if just living each day is a struggle, that's a solid reminder of just how courageous and strong you are to continue to keep facing each day. You can make it through this and I hope that you do.

Don't underestimate the big importance of small things -- try to think of at least 1 thing to find a sense of peace and joy in. As Skyblue suggested, embrace that joy and hold on to it. Sometimes it's the smallest things that even get me through the day whether it be a simple mug of my favorite tea, sitting in a dark room with my favorite incense, or boarding down to the park. Is there anything you can think of that could get you through to the next moment?

Hey, I really appreciate your kind words and advice and your own experiences. I guess when I get to my absolute breaking point I can never see a way around it. It's just exhausting.
Sometimes I'll watch a favourite film or TV show and it sometimes helps but not always
 
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