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I can't cope

aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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Feb 21, 2012
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Sandhurst, Berkshire
Oh my goodness I can't cope.
I'm tired and emotionally drained, my jobs changing, I'm going out more with hannah to new places and she's going away in a couple of weeks.
it's getting worse it was 3 weeks she's coming to the course with me instead of 4 and I've now looked and she will only be able too come with me only 2 weeks now as its a bank holiday on one off the course days which she was coming with me on and on the 3rd week I was meant to go in on my own and her come in a little after because I have a limited amount of support workers as I struggle with making relationships and they can't get anyone else to cover as she's my main support and she's the one going away.
I feel like I'm going to let her down when she goes away I can't do this I feel overwhelmed I'm thinking of cancelling my personal training but she said not to make a rash descion and to give it a couple of weeks to get into a new routine then re-assess the situation and she understands it might be good to put it hold for a little while as doesn't want to push me too hard that I the. backtrack, as because I'm going out more and trying new situations which I'm not used too it's making me even more drained.

I just can't see how I'm going to cope when she goes away :cry2: im so scared it was like today she normally doesn't see me on the weekends but they couldn't get anyone else so she saw me I felt like I couldn't do life or anything anymore today but just spending 3 hours in her company today I felt the same but more able too cope so I needed that,so 3 weeks without her is going to be so hard she's the one that keeps me strong positive and keep me going I'm just going to let her and everyone down as I can't do it in 2 weeks go in without anyone I know I have too but I'm meant to talk and be with these other people and engage in this course, I feel so vulnerable and so lost.:cry2: I'm worried about her going away and something bad happening too her as the good people I meet they either die or go leave me I hope she comes back safe it's the "Laura situation all over again"

And with the talk of therapy ending too is another anxiety my therapist said it won't finish until after summer but she said we need to talk about it as she's knows I struggle with it and we need to make an end plan she knows it's a sensitive subject I know it's only talk but it's a trigger :cry2:

I can't cope with the changes and I can't cope with life or my conditions
 
pepecat

pepecat

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Oh my goodness I can't cope.
I'm tired and emotionally drained, my jobs changing, I'm going out more with hannah to new places and she's going away in a couple of weeks.
it's getting worse it was 3 weeks she's coming to the course with me instead of 4 and I've now looked and she will only be able too come with me only 2 weeks now as its a bank holiday on one off the course days which she was coming with me on and on the 3rd week I was meant to go in on my own and her come in a little after because I have a limited amount of support workers as I struggle with making relationships and they can't get anyone else to cover as she's my main support and she's the one going away.
I feel like I'm going to let her down when she goes away I can't do this I feel overwhelmed I'm thinking of cancelling my personal training but she said not to make a rash descion and to give it a couple of weeks to get into a new routine then re-assess the situation and she understands it might be good to put it hold for a little while as doesn't want to push me too hard that I the. backtrack, as because I'm going out more and trying new situations which I'm not used too it's making me even more drained.

I just can't see how I'm going to cope
when she goes away :cry2: im so scared it was like today she normally doesn't see me on the weekends but they couldn't get anyone else so she saw me I felt like I couldn't do life or anything anymore today but just spending 3 hours in her company today I felt the same but more able too cope so I needed that,so 3 weeks without her is going to be so hard she's the one that keeps me strong positive and keep me going I'm just going to let her and everyone down as I can't do it in 2 weeks go in without anyone I know I have too but I'm meant to talk and be with these other people and engage in this course, I feel so vulnerable and so lost.:cry2: I'm worried about her going away and something bad happening too her as the good people I meet they either die or go leave me I hope she comes back safe it's the "Laura situation all over again"

And with the talk of therapy ending too is another anxiety my therapist said it won't finish until after summer but she said we need to talk about it as she's knows I struggle with it and we need to make an end plan she knows it's a sensitive subject I know it's only talk but it's a trigger :cry2:

I can't
cope with the changes and I can't cope with life or my conditions
There's a lot of negative thinking in there, Aleshad.....
I'm not saying you're wrong for thinking or feeling that, and when we have anxiety and depression, negative thinking is pretty much all the thinking we do. The thing is though, if you think about the next few weeks in terms of 'I can't', then you're starting at a disadvantage. How about you think about the next few weeks in terms of 'This is going to be hard' instead?
You might find that the stuff you do with Hannah over the next couple of weeks before the bank holiday and before she goes away means that you can cope when she's away and you do manage things on your own a bit more.

When we say to ourselves 'I can't' we sort of close the door and leave ourselves with no other options..... but when we say 'This is going to be hard', it means that we're going to give it a go. We might suceed and manage, and surprise ourselves that we're stronger than we think. Or we might find it hard and don't do all that well. But we give it a go, and see how we get on.
Whereas if we say 'I can't', we're not giving ourselves that chance to find out.

Does that sort of make sense?

I know it's really really hard for you, and you sound like you're doing brilliantly with Hannah and she's helping you a lot - the bowling sounds like it was good fun. I think what I"m trying to say (and not doing it very well, sorry) is that don't go saying 'I can't' just yet....... you might find in a couple of weeks time that you can do more than you think.

:hug:
 
aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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Messages
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Sandhurst, Berkshire
Hi pepcat
I completely understand what your saying that is a very good way of explaining it! Thinking and saying it's going to be hard instead of I can't. I'll try saying that and thinking that and hopefully may help.
I think what I'm finding hard is that I got in my Brain that she was going to be there for 4 weeks I wasn't liking the idea but I got myself used to it, then she came and said to me only today its unfortunately only going to be 3 weeks and then I look at my emails to double check the course dates and I now know it's only going to be 2 weeks that she can be with me now as the bank holiday is on one of the course dates and it says it's not running on that date I hate change at the best of times because of my Aspergers. It just seems unmanageable but I guess there isn't a Lot I can do apart from when she's not there go as I don't want to let her down.
Also the hardest thing too is she's reminded me how to smile and laugh again and I haven't done that for years and it's just when she's not around the motivation everything goes.
I guess I'm just going to have ride through it all and hope she comes back
Wish I could feel your hugs :hug1:
 
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aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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Location
Sandhurst, Berkshire
Hi nikita
I know your right it is bringing the abandonment up and I'm judging this situation as the same as the CBT therapist situation, which I know are separate things, in reality I know she will come back but in My head it's like remember that bad experience it will happen again! Remember the therapist went away for 3 weeks ding Hannah's going away for 3 weeks too!. Remember the pain you went through how it still affects you now remember professionals don't mean what they say if they are associated with you and you get close you know what happens?!

I was thinking off having a print out calendar to tick the days off till she comes back but I did that with my CBT therapist and look where that got me. This is why my social worker wanted me to eventually to be able to go on my own so I'm not relying on hannah. I guess the next thing will be she's seen im attached too her so will take her away completely it's like I feel it's bad too be attached am I bad werid person ?
I'm glad you now can manage without your sister I'm sorry to hear what you've been through you are a very strong person too.

Thank you both for your words off advice and encouragement I really appreciate it
X
 
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aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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Sandhurst, Berkshire
Head is so full of stuff my head actually hurts just feel like I'm crawling through thick mud and I'm at a brick wall :cry2:
So tired want to run away and leave and just sleep forever I can't do this anymore :cry2:
 
messymoo

messymoo

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I'm sorry your feeling so bad hun just wanted to drop by with a hug :hug5: xx
 
aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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Really want to hurt myself as I can't do the other one even though I wish I could. I want the thoughts my feelings too stop I feel so much pain but I feel
Blocked out too :cry2:
 
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aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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Feb 21, 2012
Messages
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Location
Sandhurst, Berkshire
Hi nikita
Thanks for responding yes I do a lot off mindfulness in my one to one yoga sessions with my yoga therapist, it only seems to work when she's saying and doing it with me and I find it hard to hold onto what she says and remember it, but she says again that takes time and practice.
yes I think I need to switch off I have some relaxation apps on my iPad so hopefully they might let me and my thoughts rest for a while thanks for the advice
Thanks for the hug feels so hard at the moment like everything emotionally shattering I feel I will let hannah down when she goes away but I guess I just have to deal with it so scared
I'm also worried about my therapy session with my therapist talking about endings :cry2:
Xx
 
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pepecat

pepecat

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I'm judging this situation as the same as the CBT therapist situation, which I know are separate things,
X
That's a very important point you've said there and it shows how much progress you've made that you can recognise that they are two seperate things.

It's hard though, because I think our brains do like patterns with things, and we do like to use events that have happened in the past to help us with current events. Trouble is, our brains don't always get it right. So your brain is going 'X is happening again, therefore Y is also going to happen' (because that's what happened last time).
But just because something happened last time, doesn't mean it will happen again this time. You've changed, and learnt stuff, and made progress, and you still have a wee bit of time with Hannah before you have to manage on your own for a bit, so this time round it's not the same, as you already know.

Doesn't stop you worrying about it though, does it? :hug:
 
aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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Feb 21, 2012
Messages
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Sandhurst, Berkshire
Thank you that's kind , No it doesn't stop me worrying :hug1: yea my brain is defiantly doing that,
even though I know the reality of the situation that she will come back it's just that next level of trust and thinking does she actually care as she's getting paid to see me.

I'm hoping I'm going to get proved wrong and she comes back and then hopefully that memory will stay and not the other one.
X
 
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