- Feb 1, 2019
I'm really needing support with how to deal with all of my emotions right now. I currently have severe depression and social anxiety. In September I was put onto Propranolol to control my attacks and reduce the symptoms of anxiety. I then started CBT which I have now had 5 sessions of. My depression has got so much worse the past 5 months, my GP has put me onto antidepressants which are making me have intense suicidal thoughts (Im seeing my doctor in a few days) I have been on Citalopram for almost 4 weeks now, and to top everything off, my therapist has just referred me to a service specialised in eating disorders. I'm so overwhelmed with everything. She also wants to send me to a counsellor that can see me at least two times a week to help me deal with my depression and thoughts. I'm 19 and I'm at college studying a full time level 3 Access course with the goal to attend university in September. I have worked so hard to be on this course, but my depression and anxiety is taking over my life and ruining everything, I don't know how to cope, it's a struggle to face each day and I feel like I'm going to be trapped in this forever. I don't know how to explain to my mum about being referred to have an assessment for an eating disorder clinic as I'm having trouble accepting this myself. I feel bad on my therapist as if I have wasted her time when I originally went to see her to seek help with my anxiety, but each session turns into a counselling one, and I feel as if she could have seen someone else instead of trying to help me. I have always been so ashamed of my mental illness and I feel like this is never going to end. I have no motivation, I can't concentrate on anything, I'm so mentally done, and I'm preoccupied with all these horrible thoughts about not wanting to be here anymore. I want to recover, but I don't know how to cope with all of my emotions and the pressure. My Mental health has taken all the life out of me, I am not the person I used to be and my relationship is breaking down because of it. How can I motivate myself to do something instead of coming home and getting into bed and just crying my life away. It has been my dream for many years to be a child nurse, and I have interviews coming up for universities, but I'm not even excited, I feel empty or just sad and lifeless all the time. I'm really struggling and don't know what to do, I feel like everything is coming down on me at once and its breaking me. I get annoyed at myself for feeling the way I do as I'm confused why all of this is happening, it's affecting my grades in college, I see no future for myself. Please can anyone just talk to me, offer me any advice, I just feel so lonely and lost.