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I cannot stop crying

Lovely

Lovely

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Hello!

Ok, some advice off people from all walks of life would be really appreciated right now.

I am 22, and before last weekend I was a very happy virgin. Here's what happened recently.
I lost contact with a guy from college, anyway he found my number and we've been conversing ever since. I was already apprehensive as we are from different worlds
& he's not my usual type - I'm a country girl at heart & he's a real inner city kind of guy. Anyway, the more we spoke the fonder I become, he seemed like such a gentleman & I couldn't believe how interested he was in me after all this time. Eventually I came to my wits and had to tell him that we really should just be friends, I said I've had a very strict Christian up-bringing & I don't feel I'm ready for all that entails with relationships or dating. Well after I said that he persistently asked that I just give him a chance, so gullible me, did just that. From this point we must have been conversing for at least 3 months only via over phone though. And it came to a point where we set a date. Now the initial plan was to go for drinks. I had already cancelled a date we had arranged once so I knew I shouldn't really cancel again as it's rude. Well stupid me, I was exhausted organising a surprise birthday all last week, so I suggested he just come round & we have a good catch up - Smooth Radio, a Chinese take out & couple of drinks - to me that's perfect! (The last thing on my flaming mind was having sex on a first date!) I had already made it clear I don't do flings, & that I'm looking for something serious with someone & he said exactly the same (but of course he would). Anyway, half an hour BEFORE he was planning to leave, he started to get really comfortable, I knew as he put his hand on my knee I should've kicked his a** outside. But I am fully aware I got caught up in the moment, I felt a spark with our first kiss & a connection, so I somehow allowed it to just flow, but on the flip side I wanted to say "No" the entire time but I couldn't get the words out & I don't know why. Afterwards we just lay there in silence. I knew I had made thee biggest mistake! He didn't touch me whatsoever afterwards, we lay there in complete silence, he was so cold & offish. I made up small talk because it was that awkward & I felt so uncomfortable! Anyway, he fell asleep pretty much instantly, snoring so loud, I was kept awake & couldn't help feeling fake next to him & dirty. In the morning he said he had a nice time & that he would message me when he arrived home safely. He did exactly that, I received one text "back home", and nothing else. I messaged him asking if he was ok, to which he replied "Yhyh, U?", I then asked if he wanted to meet up again, he said "Yhyh". This is when I actually realised - I was talking to a completely different human being! I eventually just said, I like you but I feel like I'm wasting my time, to which he said that he doesn't want to complicate things and that we should just remain friends. He said he doesn't know where he stands right now as there's a whole world to explore. Honestly, my god, I have never felt so sick in my life. I have given him on a platter something I've cherished so much & I'm so angry at myself. I'm angry at him for being so twisted, but I'm more upset with myself for not listening to my gut instincts, I've no one to blame but myself. I really, really liked him, and I genuinely thought he felt the same! The thing that's ringing in my ear, is the one thing he said when we were laying down afterwards "You will remember me forever now".
Now, he is completely unaware I have suffered from severe depression & first episode psychosis! I feel like he's caused me psychological damage, & I'm now traumatised. You may think I'm overthinking, over-reacting & being dramatic, but this was & is such a big deal to me. It's something I can't get back, I can't change & I can't help but feel miserable, dirty & I remembering I won't ever forget.

Believe it or not I'm actually a really optimistic & positive person! But this has knocked me for six.

I can't even eat properly.
 

MarlieeB

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Hi Lonely.

I'm sorry that he seems to of treated you really badly and now he has gone cold on you.

I'm not with words at the moment but want to :hug1: you and hopefully bump the thread a little.

Marliee x
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

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Dec 28, 2014
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508
Hi honey, I am so sorry for what you went through. From what you say, it does sound like he's an asshole (sorry for cursing), lying to you and then breaking it off the next day.

I sense from your post that you're being too hard on yourself. Why is that? You liked him, and thought he genuinely felt the same. But he's the one who lied, why should you take the blame here? Please, try to be as gentle to yourself as you can.

I understand this is important to you, and that it's been a difficult experience. Give yourself some time to recover, and feel better. Try taking care of yourself, do you have a friend that you trust, who can spend some time with you?
 
Lovely

Lovely

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Where I am right now
Hi honey, I am so sorry for what you went through. From what you say, it does sound like he's an asshole (sorry for cursing), lying to you and then breaking it off the next day.

I sense from your post that you're being too hard on yourself. Why is that? You liked him, and thought he genuinely felt the same. But he's the one who lied, why should you take the blame here? Please, try to be as gentle to yourself as you can.

I understand this is important to you, and that it's been a difficult experience. Give yourself some time to recover, and feel better. Try taking care of yourself, do you have a friend that you trust, who can spend some time with you?
Hi StillFighting,

Thank you lovely. I guess I'm being hard on myself because I noticed 'red flags' well early on & I chose to ignore my gut feeling. I took a risk. Prior to this I was with my ex fiancé for three years & we believed in no sex before marriage even though we were totally, madly in love! So I can't believe I've gone & done this with a complete and utter 'a**hole' as you so clearly put it. Where is the logic in that? I have a close friend that's comforting me & spending lots of time with me. Thank you for such kind words. At this moment in time I don't think I'll ever open up to someone again!
 
*autumn*

*autumn*

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:hi: lovely and welcome to the forum.

Please don't beat yourself up about this.
Perhaps he does feel the same... but that was his way of dealing with it, seen as you said that that you felt like a completely different human being after a while.
I feel he treated you with respect.

Hope you feel better soon x
 
Lovely

Lovely

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Joined
Jul 6, 2014
Messages
44
Location
Where I am right now
:hi: lovely and welcome to the forum.

Please don't beat yourself up about this.
Perhaps he does feel the same... but that was his way of dealing with it, seen as you said that that you felt like a completely different human being after a while.
I feel he treated you with respect.

Hope you feel better soon x
Hi Autumnalsprinkles,

Thank you. No, you've misunderstood what I wrote! I didn't write this post very well. I meant after what happened it was literally like talking to another person. Meaning, before he was really nice, and then after completely cold, uninterested & dismissive. He just put on a front the whole time, basically...
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Aug 17, 2012
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The West Country
Hey, i'm sorry to hear that you've had this experience and that you've been so upset by it all :hug1:

It sounds to me like he was very sneaky and lead you to believe he liked you so that he could get what he wanted.
I'm sorry to say this, as this is just my opinion before anyone starts, but a lot of women have probably experienced men lying about their feelings so that they can get in your underwear.
I think the way he dealt with things and saying about there being a world to explore sounds pretty immature, to be honest.:unsure:

It's so hard when you're inexperienced.
I remember being 19 and making big mistakes sleeping with men that I didn't have any real desire for, just because I felt pressured into it and I wanted to be 'nice' and not say no even though I wanted to. I had terribly low self-esteem at the time - which by the way, i'm wondering if that's an issue for you at the moment?

It really sucked and I completed hated myself afterwards. But, i'm gradually learning to act on my gut instincts and prevent any dodgy situations from happening. You live and learn.
 
R

Roadfool

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Oct 14, 2013
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Staffordshire
That's a horrible story, Lovely... I just hope that you learn to accept what has happened as a genuine mistake. I'm 100% confident that you're a wonderful person who has learned a lot from this and I don't think you should feel guilty at all :) It just goes to show that these kinda scenarios happen to us all, including myself!

I'm also a kind hearted country boy, and I know how weird life can feel when you get tied up with city folk... It ain't easy! X
 
B

bonobo

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Jan 9, 2015
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Lovely, I pretty much said the exact same thing word for word the other day. Surely there must be nice guys out there.....?!

xxxx
 
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