I cannot continue my relationship with my girlfriend due to severe depression and anxiety

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SeanLee93

New member
Joined
Feb 22, 2019
Messages
1
Location
United Kingdom
#1
Hi all,

Hope everyone is okay, I'm 25 and really need some strong advice... so yeah the title...I've been with my girlfriend since December 2017 and I love her to bits.

After 6 years of covering, hiding, suffering with my severe anxiety and depression I finally wanted to do something about it after 3/4 attempted suicide's, lots of self harming and extremely dark thoughts within the past year (July 2018)

She has brought me out the dark a lot, loves me so much, actually cares, listens and respect's me more than I ever have been in my life. Recently however in the last 2 months we have done nothing but cry, argue and have the lowest moods almost on a daily basis and it's destroying me

I'm currently in CBT and looking to improve, these arguments, harsh opinions, wanting me change asap and overall sometimes not caring or believing I'm suffering is affecting my progress, my return to work after 6 months off and overall my mental health.

Yesterday after yet another pointless arguments which ended her stating our relationship wouldn't last till the end of the week, with my attitude, behaviour and mood....I snapped, I left the house at midnight, self harmed to just cause as much damage as I could as I completely lost it. I then was seconds away from taking my own life for the first time in months and if it wasn't for a random driver I'd be dead right now.

At the time when I wanted to end, I didn't think of her, care what she thought or anything, I was sad knowing my mum would be devastated and my son would grow up with out a loving dad.

Over the weeks before this incident I've discovered that she also self harms and has been for months and months of us being together due to the arguments we've been having.

I've come to decision after a week or so that I want finish everything between us, I've moved out my mum's to hers with all my stuff here, I'm unhappy, sad, anxious, scared and my mental health is plumiting down at the moment due to all of this!

I tried to explain this to her last night after I came home from work, showing her my hands, going through the suicide attempt and trying to get to understand, this isn't healthy for us both, we both need help, I need space and time to evolve and repair.

I was met with floods of tears, she shouted don't you do this to me, why are you doing this etc..I felt horrible doing it, I'm worried for my safety but I think for the first time in my life I need to sort myself out and get better

She doesn't want to go on a break as there's no point, it's either go or stay! I'm scared of what she might do when I'm gone

I'm frightened of moving out, emotions and everything. I don't think I can do it on the phone s

Please help, dont think I can carry on
 
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Ramson bangers

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 1, 2019
Messages
1,434
Location
England
#2
Hi Sean
Its great you have a supportive girlfriend. Dont do anything irrational. It might seem that your problems are being ignored by your mental health team but they are also working to give you the best outcome. Its alot of pressure to deal with. Goodluck and thanks for sharing.
 
S

sugarlips1980

New member
Joined
May 17, 2019
Messages
2
Location
London
#3
Hi Sean,

I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles. It's difficult to cope with your own depression as well as your partners.

You clearly love her and she loves you, but you're not in a position to help and supporr each other. It's very sensible to take time out from a turbulent relationship when you've got so low you almost ended things. You have a right to ask for space for self care and it's a healthy approach to not expect your girlfriend to "fix" you and to take responsibility for helping heal yourself. Nor can you really help her at the moment as much as you want to.

How about writing her a letter, keeping it simple and saying it's best to park aside your specific relationship problems to come back to when you are both in a healthier place. Be firm that you feel you need space to take care of your own mental health right now as thats all you have the energy for and given how close you came to ending it, it's critical.

Reassure her that you love her and want to come back to her when the time is right, and it really will be great for your relationship to start again when your heads are in a better place.

Perhaps you could, if you feel it would work, still keep some contact? Maybe coffee once a fortnight? But make clear that you still need emotional space so no heavy texts and calls in between.

And frankly, if she can't or wont respect your boundaries and need for space to work on your mental health, sadly you may need to be prepared to let her go. Your own mental health has to be your absolute priority right now.

Stay strong, remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You probably won't get better overnight, but it's mental health awareness week, there are lots of inspirational stories about of people who have been where you are and have come through the other side. I've certainly come close a decade ago and when I think of all the good times I've had since I'm so glad I pulled myself out it it.

Look after yourself. Go easy on yourself and forgive yourself. Call the samaritans. Get therapy. Get some exercise and eat well. Go for walks and get some sunlight. Find some pleasure in small things, something creative maybe, a hobby, box sets, some socializing when you're ready. Watch some comedy. Theres lots of joy to be had, you can crawl yourself out of this hole given time and perserverance. Believe that it's possible and thats a great start.
 
C

cookoo

Active member
Joined
Mar 16, 2019
Messages
37
Location
London
#4
I think you’re definitely on the right path by moving back in with your mum. No matter how much you both love each other you’re both grown adults responsible for your own selves and you can not let your fear of what your gf might do in your absence stop you from putting your mental health first otherwise you’ll just be stuck in a viscous cycle. One of you has to be strong enough to pause and walk away from this relationship until you’re mentally fit to be loved and love again.
 

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