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I cannot communicate and it's getting worse

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ManDss

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Apr 22, 2018
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941
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You are still really young.

Is not possible to find a way to cope and then trying to figure it out all this ?

I mean, I see u are really being hurt lot, and this gives u lot of stress. But if u can feel comfortable with yourself then u can approach all this with a more cold mind.

Have u talk about this with a friend ? To give u a perspective ? Or maybe ask to someone (not family) what think about how you talk with people.

Do u feel bad because you cant get something (like friends, or a partner, etc) ? Or just the idea of other people disliking you is what affects you ?
 
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Psycho

Active member
Joined
Mar 11, 2021
Messages
29
Location
London
You are still really young.

Is not possible to find a way to cope and then trying to figure it out all this ?

I mean, I see u are really being hurt lot, and this gives u lot of stress. But if u can feel comfortable with yourself then u can approach all this with a more cold mind.

Have u talk about this with a friend ? To give u a perspective ? Or maybe ask to someone (not family) what think about how you talk with people.

Do u feel bad because you cant get something (like friends, or a partner, etc) ? Or just the idea of other people disliking you is what affects you ?
A perfectly good question. Of course it's possible to find a way to cope. It has just been getting worse recently, much worse. Of course, all this is relative. It's interesting - and helpful - that a few answers have used the term 'hurt'. I guess that's true, I am hurt, I just can't quite determine by who and what and when it happened. I do try to get perspective virtually everywhere, but IRL people tend to tell me I'm nice, charming, lovely, all that shit. It really doesn't help.

As for your last question, it's a good one - I'm not just saying that. I find it genuinely useful. I don't feel like I want friends or suffer from lack thereof, much less a partner - but I guess I am naturally pragmatic and feel it could have a negative impact on my "survival" if I remain as completely alone as I am now. I don't know. I feel a genuine resentment about families, not because I'm some radical ultra-feminist or something like that, but because I dislike the idea of intimacy, sharing space, sharing... Everythung. It sounds a bit pathetic as I write it.

I do think the idea of being disliked and all that makes me feel I will never find a way to navigate the world socially, which is kind of scary. Maybe. Either way, I wanted to lay it out for myself.
 
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ManDss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 22, 2018
Messages
941
Location
Argentina
A perfectly good question. Of course it's possible to find a way to cope. It has just been getting worse recently, much worse. Of course, all this is relative. It's interesting - and helpful - that a few answers have used the term 'hurt'. I guess that's true, I am hurt, I just can't quite determine by who and what and when it happened. I do try to get perspective virtually everywhere, but IRL people tend to tell me I'm nice, charming, lovely, all that shit. It really doesn't help.

As for your last question, it's a good one - I'm not just saying that. I find it genuinely useful. I don't feel like I want friends or suffer from lack thereof, much less a partner - but I guess I am naturally pragmatic and feel it could have a negative impact on my "survival" if I remain as completely alone as I am now. I don't know. I feel a genuine resentment about families, not because I'm some radical ultra-feminist or something like that, but because I dislike the idea of intimacy, sharing space, sharing... Everythung. It sounds a bit pathetic as I write it.

I do think the idea of being disliked and all that makes me feel I will never find a way to navigate the world socially, which is kind of scary. Maybe. Either way, I wanted to lay it out for myself.
As far I understand, being literal by your words, is that the main problem is that you feel concern about your social interaction strictly for work reasons.

I guess you should have a "social interaction plan", be polite, have some chat, if people likes you or dislikes you, thats their problem, work good, so even if u are not great socially still can have a job.
 
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Psycho

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Messages
29
Location
London
As far I understand, being literal by your words, is that the main problem is that you feel concern about your social interaction strictly for work reasons.

I guess you should have a "social interaction plan", be polite, have some chat, if people likes you or dislikes you, thats their problem, work good, so even if u are not great socially still can have a job.
I see why it may come off that way but, well, I do not have professional problems. I am considering leaving the company for a role which would be a promotion with a salary raise. I am making an unbelievable amount of money for my age in my industry. I think I only notice it at work because it's more on the nose there, but it's the same at home with family friends or virtually anyone, I am vaguely scared about how my life will develop if I feel hurt/scared/exhausted after even going to the post office to send a package. I appreciate your comment, but I feel like I can't explain to you why it's so bad for me. I think people tend to be very teleological about things, i.e. focused on purpose. My mother is like that. But some things are just feelings. I feel miserable around people, no, this doesn't really impact my career, but it makes my life difficult in a way that is hard to define. I realise it is probably not something that can be changed but I just wanted to share somewhere.
 
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ManDss

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Joined
Apr 22, 2018
Messages
941
Location
Argentina
I see why it may come off that way but, well, I do not have professional problems. I am considering leaving the company for a role which would be a promotion with a salary raise. I am making an unbelievable amount of money for my age in my industry. I think I only notice it at work because it's more on the nose there, but it's the same at home with family friends or virtually anyone, I am vaguely scared about how my life will develop if I feel hurt/scared/exhausted after even going to the post office to send a package. I appreciate your comment, but I feel like I can't explain to you why it's so bad for me. I think people tend to be very teleological about things, i.e. focused on purpose. My mother is like that. But some things are just feelings. I feel miserable around people, no, this doesn't really impact my career, but it makes my life difficult in a way that is hard to define. I realise it is probably not something that can be changed but I just wanted to share somewhere.
I understand if is something u needed to take out from ur chest.

Again, u r young, and still have time to figure it out how to be in social situations.

My advice: try to stay comfortable with yourself , if someone doesnt likes u is their problem, if u are polite, ur soul gonna be clean.
 
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Psycho

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29
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London
I've thought about what you asked, @ManDss, a bit more as it is genuinely a reasonable question. I wouldn't worry about it, probably, but it does affect every single interaction in my life, I feel like I can't really talk and there's a wall of miscommunication between me and everyone else. Sometimes it applies to ordering a coffee and sometimes I can't explain to a cabbie how to find me. Probably a futile exercise trying to explain.
 
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ManDss

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 22, 2018
Messages
941
Location
Argentina
I've thought about what you asked, @ManDss, a bit more as it is genuinely a reasonable question. I wouldn't worry about it, probably, but it does affect every single interaction in my life, I feel like I can't really talk and there's a wall of miscommunication between me and everyone else. Sometimes it applies to ordering a coffee and sometimes I can't explain to a cabbie how to find me. Probably a futile exercise trying to explain.
Practice and practice, social interaction is also try, fail, and learn.
 
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Psycho

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Messages
29
Location
London
On the other hand, I have a friend who had a hard time dating but really wanted to, and her parents always said to her it's because she lacked confidence, that it would come, etc. But she's 30 and still a virgin. I think it might end up like that with my communication, i.e. that it will never get better because I've had two years of coaching and never grasped the basics, even how to react to someone's good news or greet my co-worker in the morning, I always cringe. I have been far too mature for my age when it comes to some things due to health issues and not mature enough when it comes to others. I partly started this thread because I feel, as the title suggests, that it has been getting worse, not better, in the last 5 years. I will see a shrink of some sort once thing calm down a bit post-lockdown, but know that's not what they're for.
 
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