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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

I cannot communicate and it's getting worse

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Vegan_veggie

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Oh great so absolutely nothing makes sense then does it?
 
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Vegan_veggie

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This is not true. Where did this come from? There are plenty of not so good-looking people with friends and who are doing well in their lives. On the other side of the coin, not all attractive-looking people have it all going their way either. There's so much more involved in this life than just what someone looks like. The person who started this thread says she is "very attractive" but is having problems socially.
Oh great so absolutely nothing makes sense then does it?
 
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Twinkle Toes

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Could it be something like schizoid or schizotypal personality disorder? There is alot of overlap between autism (high functioning) and the social/emotional side of schizoid disorders.

This article describes the difference between them.

 
jajingna

jajingna

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Oh great so absolutely nothing makes sense then does it?
Did you really think only good-looking people make friends? And only good-looking people are successful? That makes no sense, because there are people everywhere who aren't really that good-looking, I suppose they are the majority actually. Many of them are doing just fine.
 
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Vegan_veggie

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Did you really think only good-looking people make friends? And only good-looking people are successful? That makes no sense, because there are people everywhere who aren't really that good-looking, I suppose they are the majority actually. Many of them are doing just fine.
That’s how it’s been where I come from. At least only goodlooking ones appear to be happy and even though the non goodlooking appeared to have some friends they didn’t seem any happier.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

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Look, there isn’t any nice mental health help out there. My opinion is that it’s full of nasty staff who make well people feel ill just to keep themselves in work. Poverty stricken people who are either homeless or nearly homeless don’t mind sectioned because it gives them a free place to live and free food. But kids with wealthy parents who have gone off the rails somehow get done because their parents use the service to get their kids off their plate and it gives the mental health workers the opportunity to sink their teeth into unsuspecting individuals who presumed their parents would always take care of them but won’t. It’s a cold service with no solution and will make you feel worse about yourself. All you can do is pray for your life and accept we are born to die a painful death. These people in your life are using you to big themselves up by putting themselves above you it distracts them from the reality that eventually they will suffer and die too. I know because I suffer in this way too. Constantly hoping I’ve said the right thing so that my so called friends will still like me. Reasons people aren’t liked is if they are perceived as ugly or are an anomaly somehow such as being ginger. I’m a ginger and always struggled socially and with my mother who isn’t ginger. My dad who is ginger has an awful temper so I have no one to depend on for friendship even in my family. Only pretty females and goodlooking males have friends that’s all there is to it. These are the only successful ones in society, they are the only ones who have hope, everyone else fails over and over again. But then eventually even the good looks wither away and they die too so really there is no hope although it’s not painful to be goodlooking throughout life. All you can do is distract yourself with anything nice you possible can like having a pet instead of friend seeking, good food, reading, gentle exercise, exploring websites like these. Goodluck
I can understand where you are coming from :hug: Have you had any experience with Mental Health Teams etc. and if you have, may I ask how it went (you obviously don't have to answer that if you don't want to). PS: I am just another Forum user taking a interest in your well-being...
 
jajingna

jajingna

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I don't know who is happy or not, but I doubt it is only attractive people who feel that way. I wonder if many people are happy anyway, like consistently happy for many years. Some could be. Most of us seem to just have ups and downs, nothing really consistent either way. For some it just seems like one long struggle but most have a few good days here and there at least.

But on this forum there are some posts about how "everybody around me seems to be doing well while I'm not" and things like that. I don't sense that with people I know at least. I think most people are struggling in one way or another. But it is hard to know these things, you don't know really what goes on inside anybody unless they tell you.

There are some other posts about "I should be happy but I'm not, as I have all the things a person needs to be happy." As if there is a formula for happiness. That must be disappointing, being well-employed, being in a good relationship, or with a loving family, and still being unhappy? But some people get depressed or whatever despite having some pretty good stuff going on in their lives. Who knows why?
 
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Vegan_veggie

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Sometimes I can’t talk to anyone it feels like I can’t move my mouth
 
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Psycho

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I know how you feel about wanting to tell people to fuck off. I find when I add a friend or two to my life I find it utterly annoying that they text me or call me I don't want to constantly communicating or texting on the phone. I just want to be left alone.
Yes, that's exactly how I feel. Hence I end up discarding all the people who attempt to get close. But the general "talking" issue remains, I manage at work but I've been having an increasingly hard time with anyone who is not a casual acquaintance - my parents' friends, my old tutors who attempt to keep in touch, all manner of "old contact" from all over the place. I just can't do it and I do get the urge to text all my contacts "please fuck off forever".

This is not true. Where did this come from? There are plenty of not so good-looking people with friends and who are doing well in their lives. On the other side of the coin, not all attractive-looking people have it all going their way either. There's so much more involved in this life than just what someone looks like. The person who started this thread says she is "very attractive" but is having problems socially.
Exactly, thank you for clarifying that. @Vegan_veggie, I don't disagree that attractiveness is a prerequisite for success. The thing is, my issue is not about friendships or success. I am, for what that's worth, very attractive and quite successful, which only adds to the problem. I do have one "friend" of the sort you seem to be referring to, my childhood best friend with who we roam bars and get tirelessly complimented by the male population, etc, etc, but this isn't about that at all. I am also "successful" in the sense you seem to imply, with a very well-paid job for my age and my own house and so forth. This doesn't do anything for communication or being able to speak to people about anything, as it were. I really do have big problems socially and it's only making it worse that people assume if you're "hot", that's impossible. Thing is, I actually found your comment very helpful for some reason, @Vegan_veggie, so thank you for that. One thing that usually keeps me going is film and advanced hot yoga, this is how I distract myself, so I guess I'll just have to keep going.

Also, I know mental health help is far from "nice" and at its heart tends to be exploitative and self-indulgent. Hence why I don't seek it. I've tried all sorts of other things to get close to people, even substances, but that didn't do anything for me, I barely felt it, and I was still as isolated as before. I also understand that I am fortunate in many respects, not least when it comes to my looks, but I have had the kind of hard times I would not wish on anyone, including being practically unable to breathe for 2 decades.
 
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Psycho

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I don't know who is happy or not, but I doubt it is only attractive people who feel that way. I wonder if many people are happy anyway, like consistently happy for many years. Some could be. Most of us seem to just have ups and downs, nothing really consistent either way. For some it just seems like one long struggle but most have a few good days here and there at least.

But on this forum there are some posts about how "everybody around me seems to be doing well while I'm not" and things like that. I don't sense that with people I know at least. I think most people are struggling in one way or another. But it is hard to know these things, you don't know really what goes on inside anybody unless they tell you.

There are some other posts about "I should be happy but I'm not, as I have all the things a person needs to be happy." As if there is a formula for happiness. That must be disappointing, being well-employed, being in a good relationship, or with a loving family, and still being unhappy? But some people get depressed or whatever despite having some pretty good stuff going on in their lives. Who knows why?
This is interesting. My mother is very emotional whilst, as I indicated above, I lack emotion almost entirely, and she is always going on about "being happy", me needing to lead a "happy life", and she's also said something along the lines of "life is not for being unhappy". I feel like these to me are fairly abstract statements, I am not unhappy (especially as long as people fuck off). I guess I am just conscious of the fact I am young and am trying to come up with a strategy to carry on in life, because as it is, I am not managing to interact with people at all when it comes to anything beyond rudimentary. But then that begs the questions whether that's even necessary. People like me could probably exist in their own "Matrix" of sorts and do fine, it's when communication comes in that I feel an unsurmountable sense of exhausting and hopelessness about relating to others.

I used to think I wanted children, I am also very good with them, but recently I've realised children mean endless communication - partner, nursery, grandparents, doctors, the children themselves, after all, and I simply couldn't cope with that.
 
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Psycho

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Could it be something like schizoid or schizotypal personality disorder? There is alot of overlap between autism (high functioning) and the social/emotional side of schizoid disorders.

This article describes the difference between them.

I will read this, I love that stuff and you could well be right. Thanks. Personally, I do think it is a disorder of some sort. But medical pros have so far disagreed.
 
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Psycho

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The thing is, today I almost feel normal, I came to work, got a pay rise, got complimented on my dress, this is kind of the point of social interaction, right? But then I think back to what annoys my family when I make conversation. Like I said, I have always observed others, trying to imitate how they speak, and I read a lot, all of which has taught me that conversation is like a ball game - throwing a ball back and forth. I am not talking about banter or small talk, but the basics of face to face communication. I have always thought it is my job to reply after the other person has finished talking. It's not that I don't have anything to say - I usually do - but I find the process artificial. If it wasn't my turn to speak, I wouldn't say anything, but I make an effort to treat the conversation as an academic discussion, pros and cons, back and forth, argument and counter argument. This is the only way I understand how to do it. But the admittedly few people I bother to speak to like this outside work find this approach to conversation annoying, they think I interrupt (never done that, always wait for them to finish), and they also think I speak for the sake of speaking.... Now, that is something I can't really argue with, because I think that is the case. I can parse more specific examples but it's things like that, I come out of it wondering what the other person had envisaged the purpose or the method of the conversation to be and I can't grasp it.
 
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Psycho

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Could it be something like schizoid or schizotypal personality disorder? There is alot of overlap between autism (high functioning) and the social/emotional side of schizoid disorders.

This article describes the difference between them.

Listen, a genuine giant thank you for that. It is informative and to the point. Bizarre that no one has ever suggested it to me when I sought a diagnosis, but I guess people are afraid to give labels these days.
 
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Psycho

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Could it be something like schizoid or schizotypal personality disorder? There is alot of overlap between autism (high functioning) and the social/emotional side of schizoid disorders.

This article describes the difference between them.

Looks pretty much spot-on, that.

I never felt the need to "do" anything about it, either, but I do want to get to the bottom of the difference and be aware of it going forward. I do think what this article is spot-on about is that when people "teach" me to be a better listener, a better friend, a better whatever, I feel annoyed and don't want to do it, so I guess I really don't want close relationship. It's all quite funny as I feel we are culturally compelled to seek out close connections and form bonds with people. Maybe that's what freaks people out - when you don't.

I've been thinking recently if I died in a creative enough manner to warrant a news mention, the publications would have no one to contact to get their feedback that I was a "lovely, bubbly person who was a joy to be around and who lit up the room with her smile". Especially as this is such phenomenal crap that I feel Hannibal Lecter would get that kind of mention in the newspapers, because that's just how we choose to speak about the dead. But it's funny that no one would be "qualified" to give even that kind of comment in my case.
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Is being happy the thing to aim for? We all want to feel good, sure. But maybe it isn't realistic to think there should be happiness for the rest of your life. That sets the bar pretty high. Look at your past. Was it just filled with happy days? Sad ones being the exception rather than the rule?
You can likely expect more of what you had before. Or maybe you can change course somehow. Like a ship on the sea.

I'd settle for mostly OK most of the time. That sounds like a possibility. Just to be OK and good enough, nothing great. There are gonna be bad days, as there were before. Maybe our goal should be to just try to have more good days than bad, if we can. I'd take it, 4 or 5 good days a week, or like 12 out of 16 hours being OK, with a few down hours when tired or whatever? Sounds good to me.
 
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