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I can get no lower

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lewmar47

New member
Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
3
Location
Lincolnshire, UK
I never dreamt I would ever be in this position & just need some help/advice/support. I've been married 46 years & happy for most but we've had a topsy-turvy relationship in the last few years because of his selfishness, uncaring manner & the awful occasions when he has tried to belittle me in the company of other people. I have tolerated this in the hope a miracle might happen & he changed & altered his ways. I loved him. I have had a mountain of health problems in the last few years & have two disabilities.

I realised earlier this year he would never change & didn't even want to try to so I made the big decision to move out. I am still living in our marital home but hope very soon my solicitor will be in a position to give me a completion date.

Over the last few weeks I have suffered terribly with domestic & mental abuse from him & he tried to hit me a few days ago. I have actually sought police help & have an incident case number should he try to hurt me again.

We live in a very close-knit environment (too close!) where "gossip" travels quickly. My husband has in the last couple of weeks told a lot of people we are separating even telling some where I will be moving to which he had no right to say. I have been stopped several times by people to say they were sorry to hear I would be moving. I said I couldn't tolerate his meanness & devious ways any longer & had made the decision to go. When he heard I had said this, he went mad & kept coming close up to my face shouting at me which really frightened me as he's quite a strong man. But why shouldn't I tell people the truth?

Yesterday, he took this one step further. We have a car that we purchased jointly & I depend on that due to my disabilities especially as we live in a rural area. When I looked for the car key Friday & couldn't find it I asked him where it was. He announced "you can't drive...I rang the insurance company earlier & had your name removed from the policy". I was a named driver on that & always been done this way through the years. It is making things very difficult for me without a car & he knows it.

Then yesterday he announced he had a picture of me that he took shortly after we got married which is, by all accounts, sexual. I haven't seen this picture & cannot remember it even being taken but it was 46 years ago! He announced that unless I keep my mouth shut & don't tell anyone how he has treated me he will get copies of this photo & distribute it to people I know! Yes, I do believe he is disturbed. And I do believe he would do something like this but what gain he is going to achieve I am not sure.

I am due to receive an phone call from a lady who deals with Domestic Abuse & yes, I will mention this to her that basically he is bribing me to keep quiet. I am naturally frightened in this awful situation. If the police are told about this photo, can they enforce him to give it to me. He tells me it is in a sealed envelope & being looked after by someone he knows.

I am so confused & unhappy & without the support of some good friends I would have found the last few weeks hard to get through.

Thank you for reading xx
 
Kerome

Kerome

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 29, 2013
Messages
12,750
Location
Europe
Welcome to the forums, and I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through such a hard time. But I think it shows you made the right decision in leaving, you deserve to have someone better in your life.

The thing with the car is kind of crossing a line, I think. It's one thing to shout at somebody over some perceived slight, even that I don't like but it happens often enough, but having your name removed from the insurance policy is actual action, it's doing something to damage your ability to get around. It's petty and nasty and unpleasant, yuck.

I hope your papers come through quickly and you can get yourself out of this bad situation. Good luck!
 
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blue spark

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 25, 2014
Messages
906
Location
Sunny England.
I hope all ends well for you,your better of alone than with someone who shows you no respect at all.
 
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lewmar47

New member
Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
3
Location
Lincolnshire, UK
thanks to both of you for posting. I know I will be fine once I move away from my current home & keep being promised by my solicitor things are "getting close" but communication from him is dire & it is very frustrating. I hope, very soon, I will be able to start a new chapter in my life xx
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
I'm sorry to hear about your situation.
It's sounds really difficult, and probably all the more stressful given the time of year.

Solicitors are a pain in the arse. My parent's tried to sell the family home last year and it feel through.. needless to say my mother ended up calling the guy a useless prick!

I really hope the domestic abuse advisor is someone you feel comfortable talking to.
I have had an experience of going to a Women's Refuge myself, and I cannot praise the staff who worked with me enough.
Remember, that may well be an option if it gets to a point where you can't take any more.

Eventually when you're living on your own I do think that how you feel will improve.
It may be worth thinking about getting some counselling once your settled to help you move forward from such a crap experience.
 
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lewmar47

New member
Joined
Dec 15, 2014
Messages
3
Location
Lincolnshire, UK
The domestic abuse advisor was due to ring me today, but didn't so that hasn't helped how I feel. As for the solicitor, it is just absolute madness. The house is empty as the guy has already moved due to promotion at work, I am buying it on a shared ownership basis with cash for my share but still he hasn't done the work. It is 9 weeks now. I think I will call him worse names than your Mum used lol.

Yes, I think I will need counselling of some kind. I have been on anti-depressants for a while & they do help but I just want to get out of this environment
 
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