• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

I can’t stop worrying that my partner is going to leave me

K

KateI

New member
Joined
Sep 29, 2019
Messages
1
Location
England
Greetings everyone,

I really don’t know where to start with regards to what is causing my anxiety. I’m afraid some of you may well think I’m just being frankly stupid.

Here it goes...

My partner and I have been together for nearly a year and he is an amazing guy who treats me properly. We are both in our early 30s. I can’t stop thinking to myself that he’s going to find another woman who is more or less on the same intellectual level as he is. Although we share common hobbies and interests such as hiking, cycling, walking, etc, when it comes to anything that requires the use of a brain then it’s a different ball game altogether.

I don’t feel like he is ever condescending towards me, but I feel that I’m inadequate and not good enough for him because he’s so widely read on all sorts of different subjects and can go in-depth about different philosophical ideas, political ideologies, history, etc, and I just don’t have a clue! He tries explaining things to me, but what he tries to tell me just goes straight over my head.

He has a top position in a company and works full-time and I work part-time. He always has a book with him and I keep asking myself, “Instead of watching the TV, should I try and read one of his books about philosophy?” He goes to a gentlemen’s club every Wednesday night and meets up with a few guys and they have a few pints and discuss mainly history, philosophy and politics. I once went with my friend to the bar part of the club and neither of us could grasp anything they were discussing - we felt pretty stupid. My friend joked on with me and said something along the lines of, “If you ever have kids with him, I’m sure they will go far in life!”

We also speak and write differently. For example, he says and writes “I shall”, “it is I”, “it was he”, etc, and uses words like “whom” and really long words which I had never even heard of before meeting him. He has the most nearest handwriting I have ever seen!

Similarly, he normally casually wears a jacket, jeans, a t-shirt, trainers, but for work and when he goes to the club he wears a suit and dress shoes. Is how he dresses to go to a club such a bad thing?

We live together, the house was his first, but I am on the house deed. I am good friends with one of his mate’s sisters and she has told me that he has said to the lads that he plans on proposing to me in the near future.

I can’t even understand why I’m getting so down about this when he never calls me thick. He always treats me properly, cooks me tea for when I’m coming home on a Friday (he finishes work early on a Friday), buys me things, we go out on a Friday night and sometimes on a Saturday night. I’ve met all of his family and I get on really well with his mother and sister. We never argue and he’s a really laid back guy who has told me he just wants a quiet life with me.

Can anyone tell me why I am feeling so anxious over this situation? I feel like I have an almost inferiority complex which is not my partner’s fault at all. It’s all in my head!

Any help would be greatly appreciated.
 
Z

Zoe1

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2019
Messages
3,362
Location
Nowhere
I don’t feel like he is ever condescending towards me, but I feel that I’m inadequate and not good enough for him because he’s so widely read on all sorts of different subjects and can go in-depth about different philosophical ideas, political ideologies, history, etc, and I just don’t have a clue! He tries explaining things to me, but what he tries to tell me just goes straight over my head.
not good enough ? I find everyone with a mental illness
puts themselves down like that
you probably wound talk about anyone else like that !
why are we so mean to ourselves ?

he is widely read , so what !
he has chosen you
being intellectual can be quite dry sometimes
and he likes the refreshment of your un-jaded attitude

nothing wrong with learning stuff
but learn what you want to learn, not what he does
ive tried going down that route
and lost good qualities about myself

just be you and do what you want !

:hug5: 💜 🌠
 
S

Sarabi_Gyarados

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 20, 2019
Messages
204
Location
UK
I worry about this often too.

Ultimately, it is because I don't have great self-esteem.

Have you ever thought he could be worried to lose you?

Try to think of all the wonderful traits you bring to the relationship. You don't have to be exactly like him, be you.

Besides I think women are conditioned through the media to feel we are never good enough for any man.

This is something you need to heal, as do I.

You are good enough, just as you are. Why wouldn't you be?

You don't need to prove your worth to your boyfriend. He should see it. If he doesn't, it is his loss, not yours.

Try to work on your self-esteem. You deserve love :)
 
W

Worriedyin

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 2, 2019
Messages
81
Location
UK
Greetings everyone,

I really don’t know where to start with regards to what is causing my anxiety. I’m afraid some of you may well think I’m just being frankly stupid.

Here it goes...

My partner and I have been together for nearly a year and he is an amazing guy who treats me properly. We are both in our early 30s. I can’t stop thinking to myself that he’s going to find another woman who is more or less on the same intellectual level as he is. Although we share common hobbies and interests such as hiking, cycling, walking, etc, when it comes to anything that requires the use of a brain then it’s a different ball game altogether.

I don’t feel like he is ever condescending towards me, but I feel that I’m inadequate and not good enough for him because he’s so widely read on all sorts of different subjects and can go in-depth about different philosophical ideas, political ideologies, history, etc, and I just don’t have a clue! He tries explaining things to me, but what he tries to tell me just goes straight over my head.

He has a top position in a company and works full-time and I work part-time. He always has a book with him and I keep asking myself, “Instead of watching the TV, should I try and read one of his books about philosophy?” He goes to a gentlemen’s club every Wednesday night and meets up with a few guys and they have a few pints and discuss mainly history, philosophy and politics. I once went with my friend to the bar part of the club and neither of us could grasp anything they were discussing - we felt pretty stupid. My friend joked on with me and said something along the lines of, “If you ever have kids with him, I’m sure they will go far in life!”

We also speak and write differently. For example, he says and writes “I shall”, “it is I”, “it was he”, etc, and uses words like “whom” and really long words which I had never even heard of before meeting him. He has the most nearest handwriting I have ever seen!

Similarly, he normally casually wears a jacket, jeans, a t-shirt, trainers, but for work and when he goes to the club he wears a suit and dress shoes. Is how he dresses to go to a club such a bad thing?

We live together, the house was his first, but I am on the house deed. I am good friends with one of his mate’s sisters and she has told me that he has said to the lads that he plans on proposing to me in the near future.

I can’t even understand why I’m getting so down about this when he never calls me thick. He always treats me properly, cooks me tea for when I’m coming home on a Friday (he finishes work early on a Friday), buys me things, we go out on a Friday night and sometimes on a Saturday night. I’ve met all of his family and I get on really well with his mother and sister. We never argue and he’s a really laid back guy who has told me he just wants a quiet life with me.

Can anyone tell me why I am feeling so anxious over this situation? I feel like I have an almost inferiority complex which is not my partner’s fault at all. It’s all in my head!

Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Katel it sounds like you have lucked out finding such a man for you, you deserve it! It must be so nice to be with someone so intellectual, and to know he's chosen you.

I don't know if I can help you at all, I worry all the time about losing my boyfriend and make jokes about it to him which is a stupid thing to do but he's still sticking around!

If you're living together and It's going well, that's a really positive sign for the future. It sounds like you could have found someone who's in it for the long distance.

I don't know what to suggest for the anxiety except trying to interrupt your negative thoughts and making sure you channel your anxiety into positives eg showing him how much you love him by being thoughtful so he has a good reason to stick around.

I wish you all the luck in the world and I'm sure if he knew how you felt he'd do everything he could to prove you have nothing to worry about.
 
Top