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I can’t stop thinking about it

C

Carolanneg21

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Joined
Sep 25, 2020
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3
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Statesboro
I hate my life, I hate living. The only thing that escapes me is getting high or harming myself. I m ow this isn’t healthy but I can’t stop. I didn’t ask to live. Why am I even being forced to? It’s selfish to end a life that is full of pain but I would have never consented to this life if I knew what it had in store
 
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Nukelavee

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Dec 17, 2019
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London, ON
Nobody consents to life, nobody gets to chose whether or not they are born.

Part of having a decent life is teh attitude you approach your days with.

I want to point out, I've been in your mindset, I spent decades feeling like you do. These days, not as much. I kinda know what I am talking about. Kinda.

IF your last thought before sleep is how crap life is, and your first reaction to being awake is "-sigh- another empty day to fill with nothing", every day will be tedious or painful to get through. In that mood, with that outlook, Ryan Reynolds himself couldn't make you smile.

If you at least let yourself admit there might be something nice or good in your day, if something good occurs, you'll notice. The first step is letting yourself notice good moments. Then, let yourself feel that happiness.

I know, for me, a huge part of the issue can be that, because my life has mostly (to me) sucked, I feel that anything that makes me happy, life is determined to steal away from. I clearly remember how much worse it feels to have happiness taken away than to just continue in a bland, but safe, gray mood. Because rejecting the thought of being happy is a kind of security, it keeps the pain at a level you can cope with.

And self harm is an addictive habit. I know from experience.
 
Keesha

Keesha

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Because rejecting the thought of being happy is a kind of security, it keeps the pain at a level you can cope with.
Wow! I guess this is true. If you don’t get too happy you have less of a fall but life ends up being so stagnant and lifeless without laughter and happiness. Then of course if you stay in that subdued zone for too long there is always the chance of slipping into the abyss which totally sucks 😒
 
Keesha

Keesha

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Joined
Apr 19, 2019
Messages
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I hate my life, I hate living. The only thing that escapes me is getting high or harming myself. I m ow this isn’t healthy but I can’t stop. I didn’t ask to live. Why am I even being forced to? It’s selfish to end a life that is full of pain but I would have never consented to this life if I knew what it had in store
I’m so sorry you feel this way.
Hopefully something will change.
 
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