I can’t stop hurting myself

[anyaday]

tw // mentions of recent self harm wounds

hi, new to this forum. my flatmate found it for me because i’m recently stuck in one of the worst depressive periods of my life during my first year at university. i was diagnosed with depression just over a year ago but i’ve struggled with self harming for about five years. usually they are superficial injuries that help me feel in control, but recently i haven’t been able to control myself quite as well. last night i made deeper injuries than usual, i tried to tend to my injuries myself but i eventually had to ask my flatmate to come and help. he bandaged my arm and looked after me with no fuss, no false sympathy, he simply made sure i was okay and said we could talk about it if i wanted to. even though my flatmate is so wonderful and has been super understanding and helpful about my depression, even finding a local church for me to attend because i’ve been neglecting my faith, i can’t help but feel embarrassed and annoyed at my own condition because i can’t seem to stop hurting myself, and i’m scared it’s going to get worse. how do i stop something that i’ve been doing for half a decade when sometimes it feels like the only thing that helps?

 

[stygianiron222]

ok, please talk to someone: a counsellor for example. when you feel the urge to self harm, try to delay it for 5 minutes. then try another 5 minutes. another thing you can do is drawing on your arm or holding ice cubes. you shouldnt be embarrased or annoyed, but you need to stay safe. your flatmate sounds like theyre really helping, which is good. it can be really hard but you need to try to break the cycle so it doesnt get worse. you are strong and you can do it.

 

[anyaday]

thank you for this, it means a lot. i do try to use techniques like this, i’ve heard about the ice cube one before, but sometimes it’s the only thing i can focus on and that’s usually when i relapse badly. i’m keeping myself as safe as i can

 

[stygianiron222]

im glad to hear it, keep working. you can do it

 

[EEB]

Things get easier over time, just take it bit by bit by bit. Try to draw where you would usually self harm (I've found that drawing lines in red pen produces a similar relief to self harm), and talk to a friend. It's more difficult to focus on hating yourself when you have someone to talk to. It won't happen immediately, but, over time, urges to self harm fade.

 

[TheSadnessWillLastForever]

It's really difficult to break the cycle. Thay's what I'm trying to do right now but I'm having trouble just like you. I find that talking to someone before I do it helps and talking with a professional to get to the bottom of why I feel I need to do it and what I can do instead. I hope you find the help you need

 

[george81]

I understand what you mean and I’m so sorry that it feels like the only thing that helps. I feel the same. Being honest, I don’t really feel the need to stop. I feel relieved after doing it tonight. Please stay safe and look after yourself. Get some help if you can x hugs