• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

i am worse than I try to prove otherwise...!

dubblemonkey

dubblemonkey

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Oct 21, 2014
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Location
australia
...there have been innocent and perfectly lovable people here that I have terrorised!...

I have no identification with the part of me that goes out of my way to be hurtful?

it frightens me whenever I try to share myself and I have done anyway!

...but?.. there is a limit and I continue to say things..!..to write things that are unhelpful and definitely wrong.... to others.

I am yet to discover why I do this... It seems to me that I am very insecure...

and I attempt to make myself ok by being an ass-hole...

this seems to make some unfortunate sense...

I regret this part of me.

I do not expect to be forgiven...
 
BillFish

BillFish

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 12, 2009
Messages
2,388
...there have been innocent and perfectly lovable people here that I have terrorised!...

I have no identification with the part of me that goes out of my way to be hurtful?

it frightens me whenever I try to share myself and I have done anyway!

...but?.. there is a limit and I continue to say things..!..to write things that are unhelpful and definitely wrong.... to others.

I am yet to discover why I do this... It seems to me that I am very insecure...

and I attempt to make myself ok by being an ass-hole...

this seems to make some unfortunate sense...

I regret this part of me.

I do not expect to be forgiven...
Have a break have a kit cat mate:) Would probably seem weird to working people, but people with mental health problems need a break as well, it's new years day mate, go for a walk and or have a beer or something All the best.:peace:
 
dubblemonkey

dubblemonkey

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Location
australia
your kindness...

...is something that I trust...

..thankyou...

dubblemonkey...

xxoo
 
dubblemonkey

dubblemonkey

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Joined
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if I was made available to such an un-believable awareness!....!?

then your arrival would be even more of an accident...

and even more of us are silly
 
Purple Chaos

Purple Chaos

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 23, 2014
Messages
1,079
...there have been innocent and perfectly lovable people here that I have terrorised!...

I have no identification with the part of me that goes out of my way to be hurtful?

it frightens me whenever I try to share myself and I have done anyway!

...but?.. there is a limit and I continue to say things..!..to write things that are unhelpful and definitely wrong.... to others.

I am yet to discover why I do this... It seems to me that I am very insecure...

and I attempt to make myself ok by being an ass-hole...

this seems to make some unfortunate sense...

I regret this part of me.

I do not expect to be forgiven...
I don't know who you have upset or why you are feeling bad but there are not too many things that are unforgivable. If it's here, on the forum, perhaps read through what you've typed a couple of times before deciding whether to post it or not. Just remember that you also help and support at times too.

I hope you're okay.
 
K

Katss

ACCOUNT CLOSED
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Apr 2, 2013
Messages
2,979
Don't worry double think I can be much worse, same though I feel dreadful afterwards and don't know how or why I do it? I certainly don't think its funny or clever or in any way good, and like you don't identify with the part of me that types rudeness? Quite scary though.

Katss
 
dubblemonkey

dubblemonkey

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Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
1,000
Location
australia
...what happens?

a diabolical confidence!... an anger about my sickness ...

a freedom that my illness makes unavailable to me!

I misbehave to simply try and even the score....

and it's not about others...

I am an aged carer...I have desperate compassion for those who need it...!

I fight within and without...and I fight with my shame and with my inability to cope...

I guess I just want somebody to tell me that they get it!

and?... I make even more mistakes trying to comfort me.

thanks for asking.. dm
 
megirl

megirl

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Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
8,060
Location
NZ
I have hurt those who love me the most,
A few weeks back I came home in an agitated state,
I told hubby he was just like my mother and I am unwell/not copeing etc I told him I hate him a dozen times at least,
I somehow was triggered, I was for some reason hurt and upset, slammed the door on hubby and told him to fuck off,
What was he meant to do?
It was my childhood hurt,
dm I get it honestly I do
I can empathise,
mental illness I wish others could get it but abd the end of the day some people dont and I think thats their choice I cant be bothered anymore making them understand cos clearly they never will
I guess for me its better as I have said before the less people we have in our lives who do care the better

xx
 
dubblemonkey

dubblemonkey

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Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
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Location
australia
(.. I guess for me its better as I have said before the less people we have in our lives who do care the better)


I relate to that!...very well

and I also know that I am desperately trying to keep my family alive...

I am a control freak and it's a useless part of me that has no control!

my family are the best part of me...

myself is the worse part of me...

I find it curious ?... that I can keep it up!...

the loveable kindness and desperate compassion..?

these things are 'free'!...
and I must dislocate the things that hurt!

and re-locate the things that don't.

sometimes ..'opinions'... are designed to be the real thing!...

my plan... my wish?

is to not be so damn complicated...

dm
 
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