I am unsure...

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Witchoo

Member
Joined
Apr 7, 2017
Messages
11
#1
Hi guys,



I had a few panic attacks 2 years ago and had health anxiety following from that.

I have done good with knowing I’m okay physically. Also, I came out to my loved ones and cut bad people put my life. I have stopped partying and don’t abuse alcohol too much anymore. Though, I have a symptom or perception that has stuck and has always been my biggest enemy.



I’m posting today to ask you guys what you think I’m experiencing.

Say for instance, I was scrolling through Instagram or travelling in the passenger of a car, a seemingly random object catches my eye like a tree or a watch or anything. Its like something catches my mind and I see dread in it. I feel claustrophobic, trapped like I’m glitched halfway in-between a wall.
It’s like an automatic reaction of being overwhelmed by anything. Any thing. It’s so hard to explain. But it’s like experiencing existence, is like wading through fire. As I’m always triggered by some thing mundane or matter-of-fact and I feel unexplainable dread. I describe this to people as making me feel instantly suicidal, like I can’t handle the infinite weight of this reaction I get. It's like I can't compute anything anymore. The edges of things catch my eye. Any lines I see, any shapes.



But then, I actually am happy in life and I don’t feel drained. I work every day and laugh and talk and want to do things. It’s like I am this person who gets on with things but have this bizarre suffocating and weird reaction to surroundings inside. like my brain can’t take the pressure of existing. It’s like the sensation of living is impossible. Yet I still wanna do things. When I’m with people or doing something, I don’t notice it as much or it doesn’t hurt as much.



One weekend, I went to Paris to see how I would get on with it. Treating it as if it’s anxiety or depression by reading self-help books, and reading spirituality books to try get through it. I got through it but it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. the last day I felt like i was surrounded by hell. I can’t believe I managed to fly back home.

I’m hoping someone can enlightened me to what this is. I live with family so I think we’d know by now if it was psychosis or schizo.



Apologies for the long post but I’m desperate!

It’s my only obstacle from living life and being able to help others.
Thank you for reading.
 
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gam9147

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 18, 2019
Messages
150
Location
Delaware, USA
#2
Of course its difficult to diagnose and I'm not a therpist but kind of sounds like generalized anxiety, or at very least its anxiety you are unsure of the source right? Could also be depersonalization or any number of offshoots but these are not too uncommon with anxiety and panic attacks.

I have generalized anxiety, it kind of comes on as a switch, when the switch is on, triggers are all over the place and my mind just goes. then eventually the switch goes off and I am great and feel like nothing could ever be wrong. Obviously I don't have control over the switch!

Cognitive behavioral therapy can train you to slow down and try to catch the thoughts and triggers and your underlying fears and issues that may be triggering. Have you tried any therapy? What about medications and doctor visits discussed those symptoms with the doctor?
 
Bizzarebitrary

Bizzarebitrary

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 17, 2018
Messages
386
Location
California, US
#3
Sometimes the brain catches something - it can be a thought or any object - and fixates on that thing to the exclusion of everything else. The effect can make it impossible to think or behave normally.
It's a common symptom of obsession. Medication can reduce the debilitating feelings and as @gam9147 said, therapy is very helpful in treating it.
 
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Witchoo

Member
Joined
Apr 7, 2017
Messages
11
#4
Thank you so much for replying guys! you're like angels dressed as humans giving me note sfrom the real world telling me it's gonna be alright.

Yeah, i meant to say my GP knows and has been very helpful and ive seen a few therapists aswell, got books and am well equipped with knowledge on anxiety.. I went on 20mg Citalopram 2 years ago but i think time and knowledge have helped way more.

I just needed clarification on something bizarre and unique i experience and you guys have helped so much. @gam9147 it is exactly like triggers being anywhere. and @Bizzarebitrary I absolutely agree, it's obsessional.

I call them 'fear snapshots' where whatever i am looking at looks like hell and out to get me and is a dread vortex. but i came up with something today where I imagine that everything else before and after the 'fear snapshots' are 'life snapshots' where everything is fine and there is SO MANY more good ones so I know it is safe to keep going :) I probably came up with it after reading these replies.

I can ignore now that i have a better idea what's going on.
I hope you feel good knowing you have really helped someone.

All my infinite love to both of you.
 
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gam9147

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 18, 2019
Messages
150
Location
Delaware, USA
#5
Thank you for the kind words Witchoo. Yes that's a good way to look at it like fear and life snapshots. I know when I think about the same situation when feeling bad or good, its night and day. I'm still struggling with generalized anxiety, so I'm unsure how to completely solve it but therapist and working on CBT/therapy techniques seems the right way to go :) in the meantime we can make it through!