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I am tired of being happy

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Chocolatelover33

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Austria
Hello and have have a nice day :3

As far as my memory allows me to remember, I have had lots of problems (psychosis since childhood, toxic family, abuse, loneliness and further mental illnesses resulting from traumatic experiences) and the last two years everything has gotten better. I have cut contact with toxic relatives, my parents have been getting along for months and treating me well, I have found wonderful friends, tge right medication and worked on my mental health. I have everything I have dreamed of for years, but I am not happy. It feels unreal, like I am dead, like I have reached heaven. I am feeling fake without the painful stimulations I am used to. I have tried all these years to survive and not hurt others. I haven't dared to think about my future because I thought I would kill myself before or my hallcinations will. Now I can stay alive for many years and do not have to worry about getting killed or afraid of hurting others, but therefore I am feeling it missing. Without worrying how to survive until tomorrow I do not know how to feel alive, without having something to cry over I am feeling fake. This is too perfect and I yearn for what I am used to know and fear despite knowing it would kill me.

Thank you for reading this, please have a pleasant day
 
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toto

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2020
Messages
1,194
Location
München
Have you mistaken the name - fake - boring? My life has been a bit boring since I stopped believing in Jesus. It used to be like a fairy tale full of horrors, rituals and beliefs. Maybe you need time to get used to normal everyday life? Or maybe the pills make you a little devoid of feelings? I noticed that in me. My emotions returned for sure after 3 months without any pills completely. However, I prefer boredom to psychosis.
 
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Chocolatelover33

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Austria
Have you mistaken the name - fake - boring? My life has been a bit boring since I stopped believing in Jesus. It used to be like a fairy tale full of horrors, rituals and beliefs. Maybe you need time to get used to normal everyday life? Or maybe the pills make you a little devoid of feelings? I noticed that in me. My emotions returned for sure after 3 months without any pills completely. However, I prefer boredom to psychosis.
I do not know if it is "boring"...more like no challenges, nothing what I am used to. It is a new kind of life which I have to adapt to, but the longer I live comfortably, the calmer I get and the less alive I feel. I have taken my current medication for almost a year know and have not felt them influencing my emotions, as I still had big problems last year I have felt all kind of emotions.
Thank you for your answer
 
wraziel

wraziel

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 12, 2020
Messages
830
Location
Chile
Hi chocolate. Try to help anyone who deserves it (be careful with this because there lots of people that try to get free fake help), in my case makes me feel positive things.
 
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Chocolatelover33

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2021
Messages
3
Location
Austria
Hi chocolate. Try to help anyone who deserves it (be careful with this because there lots of people that try to get free fake help), in my case makes me feel positive things.
U mean like, supporting people in trouble?
 
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