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I am suicidal

A

Alexander Ypsilantis

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one thing is, if you were living where I live, I don't know how you could look at people who are more unfortunate than you and not become more suicidal.
for example, due to American imposed economical sanctions on my country, Insulin and almost all vital medicine are super scarce and almost impossible to find. I know of two people in my extended family who died of cancer in the last six years due to lack of access to chemotherapy medications.
most people are literally eating less food including members of my own family. how do you help them? I can't.
the other thing is that I understand I can never have a life like normal people. my pain is always going to be there and get worse. so why play this game? it makes more sense to refuse it all and end life altogether.
Don't groups like the International Red Cross and International Red Crescent provide medical items which are not prohibited under economic sanctions? It seems like drugs like insulin (my wife is diabetic, so I know the issues getting/storing insulin) and Chemo-medication could me made available without interference from the west?
 
A

Alexander Ypsilantis

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I mean, I just woke up. I wish, I truly wish that I could be able to do normal things. just to distract my self from my mood.
I wish I could read, or watch a movie or listen to music or something.
I can't. I am physically and mentally unable to do anything. This damn sorrow in my chest and stomach is an unbearable sickening feeling that gets worse every day.
In the original post, I forgot to mention that there is a panic attack every time that I wake up. It's not due to anything external in life. It's due to the fact that my brain realizes that I have to go through another day of this nightmare.
How is Iran doing now with the COVID situation? I know it was very bad last year at this time. Are you getting vaccines and getting the new cases under control?
 
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nagual

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Iran
Don't groups like the International Red Cross and International Red Crescent provide medical items which are not prohibited under economic sanctions? It seems like drugs like insulin (my wife is diabetic, so I know the issues getting/storing insulin) and Chemo-medication could me made available without interference from the west?
No man. That is the point of American sanctions, to either hurt a population so much so that the government crumble from within or to rile up people against a government that it doesn't like.
The link doesn't tell the full story but can give you an idea of the severity of the situation.
even the UN International Court of justice condemned America's sanctions.
 
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nagual

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How is Iran doing now with the COVID situation? I know it was very bad last year at this time. Are you getting vaccines and getting the new cases under control?
my response to your previous comment is awaiting admin approval again so I don't know how clear can I answer your question. seems like the government have been able to buy vaccines from China but the pandemic is far from under control here.
 
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nagual

Active member
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Messages
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Don't groups like the International Red Cross and International Red Crescent provide medical items which are not prohibited under economic sanctions? It seems like drugs like insulin (my wife is diabetic, so I know the issues getting/storing insulin) and Chemo-medication could me made available without interference from the west?
 
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lifecangetbetter

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why though? I mean I wish you find happiness and I wish depression and sorrow leaves you and never comes back.
but why do I have to keep living? It's just pointless suffering.
idk why we have to keep on living. i keep on living cause i feel like God will punish us more if we kill ourselves cause by killing ourselves we communicate to him that he is wrong
 
L

lifecangetbetter

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I mean, I just woke up. I wish, I truly wish that I could be able to do normal things. just to distract my self from my mood.
I wish I could read, or watch a movie or listen to music or something.
I can't. I am physically and mentally unable to do anything. This damn sorrow in my chest and stomach is an unbearable sickening feeling that gets worse every day.
In the original post, I forgot to mention that there is a panic attack every time that I wake up. It's not due to anything external in life. It's due to the fact that my brain realizes that I have to go through another day of this nightmare.
my stomach hurts too. isk if its some sort of nerve pain or what but it freaken hurts and cant do activities like other people. all i do is basically work super sad and come home super sad and that is my life. I'm just always super sad and people cant stand how depressing how i am
 
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nagual

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idk why we have to keep on living. i keep on living cause i feel like God will punish us more if we kill ourselves cause by killing ourselves we communicate to him that he is wrong
I am not religious, but if there is a chance of what you are saying being true, then our reality is much more grim than we already think.
 
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lifecangetbetter

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i just don't know. I'm fearful of what's on the other side, not like this world is like disneyland. lots of times you think things will end up better and they end up worse
 
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lifecangetbetter

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i just don't know. I'm fearful of what's on the other side, not like this world is like disneyland. lots of times you think things will end up better and they end up worse
for example i got into a fight with my parents and left to a motel. i then left the motel to get nicotine fluid and arrived to a gang bust. a fucking gang was at the hotel i was staying at. 4 cops had 4 guns pointed at one of the gang member. should the cops not have come there was this innocent looking kid they could have tried to initiate into their gangs. gangs initiate each other by sexually assaulting and killing a women. my night could have went a completely different way. so i went from problem to larger problem :/
 
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lifecangetbetter

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I am not religious, but if there is a chance of what you are saying being true, then our reality is much more grim than we already think.
I go back and forth between beleiving there is a God or not. There's really no way to know
 
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nagual

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Iran
As the covid restrictions are being lifted, the more crowded and noisy it gets outside my house, the more it drives me towards suicidality.

I have never been able to deal with noise. I'd rather have spiders walk all over me than to deal with the noise of these religious conservative nosy rude thuggish assholes in my neighborhood. every day (when there isn't covid restrictions) there are couple of street fights around my place where two dudes scream as loud as possible and try to beat the life out of each other.

jezuz I donno how did I survive today. hearing every single noise feels like getting kicked in the stomach every time.

being in my own body is absolutely unbearable and nauseating already. noise makes it irritable to a degree that I can't tolerate for any second. I guess it's the ultimate trigger for me.

I donno how I am I gonna survive this torment, I am frightened of tomorrow. I want to not wake up anymore.
 
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nagual

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I just posted about my issues with the mindfulness shtick. If you have the experience with this and can help me,please do.
 
A

Alexander Ypsilantis

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Messages
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Location
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I go back and forth between beleiving there is a God or not. There's really no way to know
I try and believe in God, I try and have Faith. But, I really struggle to understand why there is so much unhappiness and disappointment in this world. Some folks put up with unbelievable emotional loads, it seems so unfair.

I want to believe that there is a purpose behind it all and some meaning to our disappointment and hurting. I'd give my life to have the answer to that.
 
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