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    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

I am struggling...

M

miki24795

Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Germany
Dear people,
I found this forum on google as a last thing I do before seeking professional help (very difficult as its CoVID now and also need to find an english speaking therapist in Germany that can accessed by private insurance). I live abroad, alone where I am not familiar with the people and their language. I have been struggling every day to wake up (starting a month or two ago) and am usually looking at the most unproductive things on my phone till afternoon. I bathe maybe once in three days. I used to love cooking, trying out new recipes. I find it very difficult to cook now. Feeling drained all the time. I also have a problem being vulnerable especially with my closest people. Ive always been so scared of disappointing the people that I love. I hate for them to see me in moments of weakness. Hence, I bottle all of these things inside me. Im not sure if I am depressed, since I have not been clinically diagnosed. I am a masters student, and to finish my degree, I need to write my thesis. But Im finding it so hard to start. And even if I start, I feel like Im going to fail and then stop whatever progress I have made. I hardly get out of my room these days. I don't want to explain to my flatmates why Im in the same clothes I was in two days ago or even have enough to make a polite conversation. I cannot seem to follow any kind of positive routine. I try for a day or two and then slip back into this. My relationship is also struggling as my boyfriend is also going through a low-period in his life and we are not being able to be there for each other. Now here I am, reading the posts on this forum, crying at 2 AM unable to fall asleep. I hope I don't sound self-obsessed or mad. I dont know what to do. Can someone please help me?
 
Louizard

Louizard

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 29, 2020
Messages
129
Location
Italy
First of all I'm glad you've decided to look for help, I'm sure you've heard it a lot but it truly is the first greatest step you can take.
You say that you're in Germany, I live in the EU and it's great news, you can find good therapists etc. at a reasonable price, even for free like I did.

That being said, what you're going through must be scary for you, but be aware that most, if not all people struggle with that kind of problems at some point in their life, I assure you you're not alone in this.
It can be the pressure from your thesis, your partner's low mood, this entire virus situation, or maybe something from your past, but whatever are the causes, it's nothing you can't solve, especially with some extra help.

There's not much my reply can do, but I can give you some words of advice. Don't hold back your tears, ever, try not to blame yourself if you need more rest or more time to do things... I'm sure you must be tired, be kind to yourself the best you can.
You say you loved cooking, and even if you struggle doing it right now, start with little things. Reading a recipe book, maybe, or hell, even a mug cake. They're delicious ahahah!
That goes for all kind of activities, please do your best to do them, but for now settle for little amounts. They must feel like big amounts for you right now, so take your time, but do as much as you can.

Don't be harsh on yourself if you're not able to do things right away, I bet you're working so hard even without realizing it; writing a thesis, living abroad, working on yourself. Plus, I can't help but notice you have started to feel this way about two months ago, I think it's wonderful how soon you realized and how soon you started looking for solutions.

I'm a stranger on the internet, and I'm very young, but if you ever feel like you need some advice or words of encouragement, I'm always glad to help.
Good luck for everything!
 
C

celticlass

Well-known member
Joined
May 7, 2011
Messages
1,112
Location
Scotland
Hi. It does sound as if you may have depression although we cannot make that diagnosis. I have experienced issues on and off since my 20's. You are describing psychomotor retardation really. Physically slowed down. You have low mood. There are also issues with self care etc. On top of that you are facing a big life hurdle, to get your degree finished and dissertation completed. The physical issues you outline leave me feeling you have a fairly significant depression here and that there may well be a biological basis too it. Or this is a big factor. This makes it likely that counselling alone will not be enough to lift you out of this xx more likely you need medication. Taking this will act as a life belt being thrown to you. Once this kicks in you may then rise up a little bit to a point where discussion with a therapist may also be useful. Try to get to sleep. In the morning seek out medical care. Tell your flatmates. Write them a note if that is only way you can do it xxx
 
L

LadyDomino

Well-known member
Joined
May 7, 2019
Messages
524
Location
Dorset
I am a masters student, and to finish my degree, I need to write my thesis. But Im finding it so hard to start. And even if I start, I feel like Im going to fail and then stop whatever progress I have made.

As a former Master's student with depression (& at the time undiagnosed bipolar) I couldn't get started on the thesis. In the end I started writing the chapter I was most interested in (it turned out to be chapter 3) - it kick started my work. Perhaps you could try that approach?
 
M

miki24795

Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Germany
First of all I'm glad you've decided to look for help, I'm sure you've heard it a lot but it truly is the first greatest step you can take.
You say that you're in Germany, I live in the EU and it's great news, you can find good therapists etc. at a reasonable price, even for free like I did.

That being said, what you're going through must be scary for you, but be aware that most, if not all people struggle with that kind of problems at some point in their life, I assure you you're not alone in this.
It can be the pressure from your thesis, your partner's low mood, this entire virus situation, or maybe something from your past, but whatever are the causes, it's nothing you can't solve, especially with some extra help.

There's not much my reply can do, but I can give you some words of advice. Don't hold back your tears, ever, try not to blame yourself if you need more rest or more time to do things... I'm sure you must be tired, be kind to yourself the best you can.
You say you loved cooking, and even if you struggle doing it right now, start with little things. Reading a recipe book, maybe, or hell, even a mug cake. They're delicious ahahah!
That goes for all kind of activities, please do your best to do them, but for now settle for little amounts. They must feel like big amounts for you right now, so take your time, but do as much as you can.

Don't be harsh on yourself if you're not able to do things right away, I bet you're working so hard even without realizing it; writing a thesis, living abroad, working on yourself. Plus, I can't help but notice you have started to feel this way about two months ago, I think it's wonderful how soon you realized and how soon you started looking for solutions.

I'm a stranger on the internet, and I'm very young, but if you ever feel like you need some advice or words of encouragement, I'm always glad to help.
Good luck for everything!
Hey,
I want to start by saying how grateful I am to you that you spent a fair few message typing that message out for me. It made me cry again (in a good grateful way) and honestly got me through the night. This morning, I was also able to tell my partner and my parents that I am struggling. Its not much, but baby steps like you said.
Would you be able to link websites/ phone numbers where I can find a therapist for a reasonable price in the EU/ Germany?
Thank you for being so kind...ever grateful.
PS: I am definitely trying the mug cake and will let you know how it goes!
 
M

miki24795

Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Germany
As a former Master's student with depression (& at the time undiagnosed bipolar) I couldn't get started on the thesis. In the end I started writing the chapter I was most interested in (it turned out to be chapter 3) - it kick started my work. Perhaps you could try that approach?
Hey Lady Domino,
I hope you are feeling better now. Thank you for your kind reply and advice. Unfortunately, I dont think it applies to me yet as I am still yet to fix my topic of thesis and writing looks far away. A few months ago, I was in touch with a professor for my thesis whom I put all my hopes on and spent a lot of time working on a thesis proposal with. Soon after the proposal was completed and perfected, he told me that he is going to go on sabbatical in March and would not be able to supervise me anymore. I have now found a new supervisor but I am feeling like something will go wrong again.
 
M

miki24795

Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Germany
Hi. It does sound as if you may have depression although we cannot make that diagnosis. I have experienced issues on and off since my 20's. You are describing psychomotor retardation really. Physically slowed down. You have low mood. There are also issues with self care etc. On top of that you are facing a big life hurdle, to get your degree finished and dissertation completed. The physical issues you outline leave me feeling you have a fairly significant depression here and that there may well be a biological basis too it. Or this is a big factor. This makes it likely that counselling alone will not be enough to lift you out of this xx more likely you need medication. Taking this will act as a life belt being thrown to you. Once this kicks in you may then rise up a little bit to a point where discussion with a therapist may also be useful. Try to get to sleep. In the morning seek out medical care. Tell your flatmates. Write them a note if that is only way you can do it xxx
Hello,
I have made a little progress telling my partner and parents. Will work on telling my flatmates. Do you think I need to see a psychologist first?
 
L

LadyDomino

Well-known member
Joined
May 7, 2019
Messages
524
Location
Dorset
Hey Lady Domino,
I hope you are feeling better now. Thank you for your kind reply and advice. Unfortunately, I dont think it applies to me yet as I am still yet to fix my topic of thesis and writing looks far away. A few months ago, I was in touch with a professor for my thesis whom I put all my hopes on and spent a lot of time working on a thesis proposal with. Soon after the proposal was completed and perfected, he told me that he is going to go on sabbatical in March and would not be able to supervise me anymore. I have now found a new supervisor but I am feeling like something will go wrong again.

Can you work with the original proposal from your former professor? Even if you don't end up using the writing, the actual process of writing might help.
 
C

celticlass

Well-known member
Joined
May 7, 2011
Messages
1,112
Location
Scotland
Hello,
I have made a little progress telling my partner and parents. Will work on telling my flatmates. Do you think I need to see a psychologist first?
No I don't really think so, unless you are very much against the idea of using medication to get better. If you were in the UK your first port of call would most likely be a GP. Strong likelihood is they would select medication (anti-depressant} for you to try. They used to have to try a couple of different ones {should first not suit you}. After that they can refer to a specialist Mental Health Team. Generally a psychologist is part of that mix. I am not quite sure what will be in place in Germany. It sounds like you have made good progress today. Would be good to hear how you get on x A psychiatrist once said to me you do not have to explain to anyone why you are depressed. Your only responsibility is to get something done about it. I hope you can get a bit of sleep tonight xx
 
T

treasurebox

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
481
Location
Philippines
Your dark days are not permanent. You will have better days. Take care of yourself. You have it in you to finish your thesis.

Music helps me. Music is therapeutic. Listen to good, uplifting and encouraging music on youtube.

Also, do what you love doing or what you are good at. It will do good to you and make you happy.
 
M

miki24795

Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Germany
Can you work with the original proposal from your former professor? Even if you don't end up using the writing, the actual process of writing might help.
Ego problems with some of the professors, not really alligned interests with some others made me ditch the original proposal. Now I am trying to start work with another professor. But this feeling of "I will fail like the last time" and "I wont do well with anyone" and the possible depression is making it very difficult for me to open the document that he sent me. I know that I must edit it and send it back to him soon (its been 6 days), but Im not able to.
 
M

miki24795

Member
Joined
Jan 7, 2021
Messages
7
Location
Germany
Your dark days are not permanent. You will have better days. Take care of yourself. You have it in you to finish your thesis.

Music helps me. Music is therapeutic. Listen to good, uplifting and encouraging music on youtube.

Also, do what you love doing or what you are good at. It will do good to you and make you happy.
Thank you so much. I am trying. People like you all are angels.
 
K

karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
918
Dear people,
I found this forum on google as a last thing I do before seeking professional help (very difficult as its CoVID now and also need to find an english speaking therapist in Germany that can accessed by private insurance). I live abroad, alone where I am not familiar with the people and their language. I have been struggling every day to wake up (starting a month or two ago) and am usually looking at the most unproductive things on my phone till afternoon. I bathe maybe once in three days. I used to love cooking, trying out new recipes. I find it very difficult to cook now. Feeling drained all the time. I also have a problem being vulnerable especially with my closest people. Ive always been so scared of disappointing the people that I love. I hate for them to see me in moments of weakness. Hence, I bottle all of these things inside me. Im not sure if I am depressed, since I have not been clinically diagnosed. I am a masters student, and to finish my degree, I need to write my thesis. But Im finding it so hard to start. And even if I start, I feel like Im going to fail and then stop whatever progress I have made. I hardly get out of my room these days. I don't want to explain to my flatmates why Im in the same clothes I was in two days ago or even have enough to make a polite conversation. I cannot seem to follow any kind of positive routine. I try for a day or two and then slip back into this. My relationship is also struggling as my boyfriend is also going through a low-period in his life and we are not being able to be there for each other. Now here I am, reading the posts on this forum, crying at 2 AM unable to fall asleep. I hope I don't sound self-obsessed or mad. I dont know what to do. Can someone please help me?
yeah id seek out a therapist......i dont know what the system is like in germany but it should be reasonably good considering its a rich country......im from ireland but was hospiatlised in belgium (sectioned).....buti had no problem with language difficulties, there were plenty of psychiatrists who spoke english
 
Louizard

Louizard

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 29, 2020
Messages
129
Location
Italy
Hey,
I want to start by saying how grateful I am to you that you spent a fair few message typing that message out for me. It made me cry again (in a good grateful way) and honestly got me through the night. This morning, I was also able to tell my partner and my parents that I am struggling. Its not much, but baby steps like you said.
Would you be able to link websites/ phone numbers where I can find a therapist for a reasonable price in the EU/ Germany?
Thank you for being so kind...ever grateful.
PS: I am definitely trying the mug cake and will let you know how it goes!
Let's see, here in Italy I began my therapy while being in contact with ASL (now ATS), a Local Health Board, I was a minor but I saw adults going in and out of the office- it was the best therapy I could've gotten (but maybe I was lucky, it can take many tries! No need to feel guilty if a therapist isn't really for you) and I didn't spend one cent. I believe in Germany it can be called RKI, and I found this; maybe you already know about that, but if you were to contact either of them they might be able to redirect you to more related sources.
Then, I followed therapy from a clinic that specializes in depressive disorders, they do have ties to the hospital since I was hospitalized through them, and their medics go from the clinic to the hospital, but I don't suggest contacting the hospital. They seem to be a bit exaggerated, here at least, and might take the situation a bit too seriously. Sure I'm glad they can prevent many issues like this, but you don't want to be overly stressed over something that can be solved with easier ways! (Fyi, in this case I did have to pay for a ticket, but it was something like 25€ a year).

I'm so glad to hear you talked about what you're dealing with, did it help relax a little? I heard some people benefit from it, sometimes even I do- not everyone does though, so it's just wonderful you're being so open about it. They might feel like baby steps, but believe me they're giant ones in their own way!

If you need anything else I'd be glad to help, every soul deserves peace.
 
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