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I am still thinking about it years on

vanish

vanish

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In 2006 - 2009 I went on a three year boozing and cocaine/amphetamines binge. I am not proud of it, but I still have the urge to go there again. I felt no pain, had a social life with plenty of friends, I had money to literally burn if I wanted. I only stopped because my best mate committed suicide and it was a bit of a wake up call.

These days, all those years later, I cannot stop thinking about those days. I want to return to them. I still have that urge. I used to think I was beyond help, and now a decade later, I know I've come a long way but man oh man I wish I could go back there sometimes.

I wonder if I'll ever get out of the shadows of addiction? For example, just recently, I've been prescribed pain relief from nerve damage following a botched wisdom tooth extraction. I know I shouldn't go there with those tablets, but already I find myself counting the minutes until the next dose. I, for now at least, take them responsibly and as prescribed, but the allure is there to crush them up and snort the lot. I figure if I did this though, it would be highly unlikely that I would be prescribed more and then I would have to tolerate an extremely painful situation without any relief.

My GP does not know my history of addiction and I am not sure I wish to inform them out of fear of not receiving anything, not even antidepressants which I need to keep putting one foot in front of another.

Does anyone relate? I'd be interested to hear your thoughts. :BLAH:
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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I hope you never go to that life style again as it is very dangerous to your health. You have my support. :hug:
 
Not_Crazy_Yet

Not_Crazy_Yet

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I have known lots of people who have just put it down forever and never went back. Myself on the other hand. :/
 
Kerome

Kerome

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I can’t say that I know what it’s like, since I always carefully avoided taking any drugs. I was quite scared of addiction, I think, of being forced to do by an overwhelming desire the things that I believed were not right.

But I admire your spirit in fighting the temptations relating to your prescription drugs, and also to your old life. I think you are wise to stay away from there, it doesn’t sound like a healthy place for you or the people around you.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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Jul 8, 2013
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Chase natural highs bro.

I know with any addiction there are periods of desperation and self-disgust.

Move away from it, you have grown past this stage.
 
J

Jules5

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Jan 27, 2019
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Hi Vanish Just read this old post You seemed to have come a long way since then. Graduating school. I am not doing well myself drinking and smoking cigarettes. I still can not give up the ghost-that always says I will get high and feel better those days are way gone. Keep up the good work brother Love and hugs Jules
 
vanish

vanish

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I drank waaaay too much last night. Every time I drink, it’s to feel better about myself or my situation and I begin all this old delusional thinking. The next day I always feel embarrassed because, apart from the hangover, my thinking and delusions come crashing down to earth.

I did last night as a negative coping mechanism, I know that, however I was desperate. Now I’m back to square one again. Voices and paranoia are through the roof but hey, I’m still plodding along. Just have to hold out until the 28th when I see my psychiatrist.
 
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