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I am SO MEAN to my boyfriend...help!

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Failing Heart

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Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
150
Location
Virginia
When I’m hypomanic, I am so so mean to my boyfriend over nothing. He tries to warn me before he talks that he isn’t trying to start a fight, he reminds me he is on my side, he asks how he can help....but none of that seems to help me de-escalate. My irrational anger happens so fast it is like a reflex. I seem to be incapable of processing before becoming outraged. He is to the point that he just avoids me for a week because he doesn’t want to fight. Of course this makes me feel alone and abandoned and hurt. Sometimes it makes me plummet into depression. I don’t know how to fix this. I think he is at a loss as well. I just know we can’t keep going like this without eventually ruining the relationship. I’m desperate for advice....has anyone else had this issue? How did you solve it? How did you learn to cope?
 
H

Helena1

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Staff Member on Leave
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Oct 11, 2014
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10,575
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When someone tells me they are not trying to start a fight and I am already tense and on the look out for what I could interpret as trying to start a fight. lol. perhaps it is the same for you?
 
F

Failing Heart

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Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
150
Location
Virginia
🤷🏻‍♀️... I don’t know how to not feel my feelings even when I know it’s irrational.
 
H

hopeful_and_bipolar

Member
Joined
May 22, 2020
Messages
10
Location
Uk
I was recently dumped after a two year relationship because of this sort of thing, he said I wasn't trying hard enough to get help (ive been on an nhs waiting list since October). I am personally considering that I may never sustain a relationship :(
 
F

Failing Heart

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
150
Location
Virginia
Thought I would check back in...thank goodness this forum is anonymous bc this is SO EMBARRASSING but I’m putting it out there so that it might help someone else too. My therapist recommended I read “The Explosive Child”. Normally, a read is an automatic eye roll and isnt going to happen (probably bc I have a stack of books that haven’t helped me) but it’s a quick read and even though it’s geared toward kids and parents...it totally can be useful for any two people to problem solve. It’s a true testament to just how differently our brains work. My boyfriend hasn’t finished reading it yet but what he has already learned has been helpful when implemented.
 
Zero One

Zero One

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May 19, 2020
Messages
3,469
Location
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This happened to me before...I exploded at the time but then I really thought of how to resist doing this and implemented it. All I remember as a consequence is the other person started to get defensive and eventually offensive.
 
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