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I Am So Alone

S

secretsurvivor1

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sorry this is not connected with your thread but I am so alone, haven't spoken to anyone for days and feel desperate and sad. Rang the Crisis Team and they are supposed to be 24hr but have an answerphone and I left them a message over an hour ago, and just rang and left another message to say don't bother ringing me afterall as I may as well go to bed. I feel so so sad and miserable and hopeless. Is anyone there?
 
ScaredCat

ScaredCat

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Sorry you are feeling so sad and alone. Idk if you are going to bed be good idea to ring crisis team tomorrow again or if you need to ring them again now. Keep talking on here if it helps. You could start your own thread?
 
S

secretsurvivor1

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I didn't start a thread as it has been delayed showing up on here in the past and I was really hoping to chat to someone now. Thanks for answering. I have nowhere else to turn as I don't trust Samaritans
 
ScaredCat

ScaredCat

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Will you ring crisis team again either tonight or tomorrow? Why dont you trust Samaritans? Not that i had a good experience with them in the past either so i can understand you not wanting to ring them. Hope you are safe
 
S

secretsurvivor1

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I have put myself to bed to avoid doing myself any harm. I have taken pills, but only the amount I am allowed to take, not extra. I feel so bad cos I have fallen out with my friend of 13 years and have no-one else to turn to, and so I have been staying in alone, and then tonight I rang back a friend of my Dad's who has rung me tons of times after years of not hearing from him. He wanted to tell me someone has died and to ask me to join in a memorial thing and I told him I haven't recovered from my breakdown 13 years ago. As he was visiting my parents at the time, I thought he knew all about my hospitalisation, my stalker, my post-traumatic stress and unending depression, anxiety and paranoia. He had mentioned he had talked to my parents so I assumed they had told him, but no. So when I told him a bit he knew nothing about it and just kept asking questions and I kept telling him more until I was crying so much I had to end the call. Now I feel lost and in despair and alone.
 
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secretsurvivor1

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Samaritans told me I was in love with my stalker and I allowed him to take over my life after he was released from prison for the violence against me. They also have a policy to just listen when a person kills themselves, which I think is horrific. I guess I could try to phone daytime staff tomorrow.
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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Samaritans told me I was in love with my stalker and I allowed him to take over my life after he was released from prison for the violence against me. They also have a policy to just listen when a person kills themselves, which I think is horrific. I guess I could try to phone daytime staff tomorrow.
That is just terrible what they said to you, no wonder you are not wanting to talk to them. Unfortunately it is hit and miss with them sometimes you get a good one, I have had some crap ones too. During the daytime there will maybe be another helpline you can call for support? I am not sure which ones but somewhere like Mind could help you find one.

I am sorry you had such a tough phone call with your Dad's friend:hug: I hope you are able to stay safe tonight and get some sleep and speak to someone helpful tomorrow. x
 
aleshadxcherylc

aleshadxcherylc

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I can't cope

Hi
Sorry I can't advise or anything just in a bit off a bad position myself
Hope you get the help you need x
 
ScaredCat

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Glad you have gone to bed and not taken anything extra. So sorry you have fallen out with your friend. Hope you will be able to sort it out. I know it is horrible when you have a person you can talk too and they are no longer there for whatever reason. I did a similar thing with my friend just before xmas and had no one else in rl so i can so relate to how you feel. I have got her back in my life now but I dont see her as much for various reasons and also I know it is dangerous to rely on someone too much from my own experience. Seems like you have been really triggered by talking to your Dad's friend too. Really hope you will be able to sleep. I would definitely ring services tomorrow.
 
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secretsurvivor1

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Thanks for your support. I hope I can sleep and it will feel easier in daylight. I feel let down that my parents are so ashamed of me having a nervous breakdown and being on benefits and spending all my time at mental health services or alone. They are ashamed I have no job and that I haven't recovered by now. I was in hospital for 3 mths again about 2 years ago, so it just doesn't get better or go away. I am a broken person. This guy, my dad's friend, was surprised how I haven't got anywhere in life as he knew me as a bright child. It brings back to me that I have lost the person I once was and am not capable of much any more.
 
Toasted Crumpet

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I'm sorry they don't understand how hard this is for you. I think a lot of people see it that way, they don't know recovery is not this easy straightforward thing, and that having a MH problem isn't a shameful thing to have. It is horrible when they are like that, mine were the same :hug:
 
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secretsurvivor1

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Thank you for being here when I needed you. It is a comfort to have contact from other humans. I am going to try to sleep now, thanks and goodnight, this was such a help, x
 
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