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I am sick of life

H

Hardknocklife

New member
Joined
Sep 21, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Kent
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety dec 2019 however had been suffering for some time before I finally did anything about it.
I am just absolutely sick of it all. I feel like killing myself but because I have 2 kids I just couldn’t do it, I couldn’t hurt them like that. I feel like a failure, I always had such high hopes for how my life would be and I am so disappointed in myself for the way it has turned out. I had dreams and aspirations and none of them ever came true. I thought I’d be successful, living an independent, financially secure, happy life and it’s the literal opposite.
My partner is a lovely guy but he’s just QUIT his job. Our financial situation wasn’t particularly good even when he was working and now he’s quit we are literally fucked. I don’t know what we are going to do - especially in the current climate. I was signed off work sick in January as it was getting too much and I was barely leaving the house and I’m clearly still not feeling better so in no position to go back myself.
I am just sick of my life being this way. We have tried so many things to make it better and to improve our situation but every which way we seem to turn NEVER works out. Always seem to making the wrong decisions. Sick of the constant struggle. Sick of being skint. Sick of feeling alone.
My family and support network is minimal - I only speak to my dad (he’s no help) and the rest of my family are not in this country or do not talk to me. My partners family are useless and give us no help. No friends I can rely on.
I just so wish my life was different. I wish I could go back and start again. Why is everything so difficult. Why couldn’t I have been one of the lucky ones? With loving families and good jobs and lots of money? It sounds shallow and materialistic but when you don’t have enough money for food it’s hard not to be this way.
Sorry this post was so long I just needed to vent and get it off my chest before my head exploded!!!!!!
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
4,535
Location
Canada
Sorry to hear these things. Welcome to the site.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
19,010
Location
England
Hi,
Welcome to the forum
Are you receiving any treatment? I'm so sorry your struggling.
Have you tried any local food banks.
We understand and care here, many of us are to ill to work and struggle.
The Samaritans are good listeners.
Hugs
 
H

Hardknocklife

New member
Joined
Sep 21, 2020
Messages
3
Location
Kent
Hi,
Welcome to the forum
Are you receiving any treatment? I'm so sorry your struggling.
Have you tried any local food banks.
We understand and care here, many of us are to ill to work and struggle.
The Samaritans are good listeners.
Hugs
Hi thanks for the reply - I am on citalopram for the depression and propranolol slow release for the anxiety - was told to self refer for CBT but it was only offered during my partners work hours meaning I’d have to take my kids with me which wasn’t ideal as they are only 2 & 3.
Thanks I think my next stop is going to have to be a food bank which is soul destroying never ever thought I’d be in this position.
thanks for the advice x
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
19,010
Location
England
Some areas the citizens advice bureau can help with getting benefits etc.
Must be hard having a two and three year old.
I'm sorry about the CBT.
Hope the meds start to help.
Hugs
 
T

treasurebox

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 14, 2018
Messages
483
Location
Philippines
You and your partner will have job one day. Believe it. What you are in right now is not permanent. There will be better days. You will be happy one day. Just do what you can and things will change. The Maker of the universe will help you.
 
C

candycane

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 15, 2021
Messages
215
Location
Online
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety dec 2019 however had been suffering for some time before I finally did anything about it.
I am just absolutely sick of it all. I feel like killing myself but because I have 2 kids I just couldn’t do it, I couldn’t hurt them like that. I feel like a failure, I always had such high hopes for how my life would be and I am so disappointed in myself for the way it has turned out. I had dreams and aspirations and none of them ever came true. I thought I’d be successful, living an independent, financially secure, happy life and it’s the literal opposite.
My partner is a lovely guy but he’s just QUIT his job. Our financial situation wasn’t particularly good even when he was working and now he’s quit we are literally fucked. I don’t know what we are going to do - especially in the current climate. I was signed off work sick in January as it was getting too much and I was barely leaving the house and I’m clearly still not feeling better so in no position to go back myself.
I am just sick of my life being this way. We have tried so many things to make it better and to improve our situation but every which way we seem to turn NEVER works out. Always seem to making the wrong decisions. Sick of the constant struggle. Sick of being skint. Sick of feeling alone.
My family and support network is minimal - I only speak to my dad (he’s no help) and the rest of my family are not in this country or do not talk to me. My partners family are useless and give us no help. No friends I can rely on.
I just so wish my life was different. I wish I could go back and start again. Why is everything so difficult. Why couldn’t I have been one of the lucky ones? With loving families and good jobs and lots of money? It sounds shallow and materialistic but when you don’t have enough money for food it’s hard not to be this way.
Sorry this post was so long I just needed to vent and get it off my chest before my head exploded!!!!!!
Sorry to here that your struggling.
Hope things get better for you.
 
G

GoodGuy14

Member
Joined
Feb 24, 2021
Messages
19
Location
USA
You should be supervised with professional medical assistance right now. I hope that you will find a good specialist for your needs! Maybe you should start with psychologist conversation? I know one guy who will be able to talk with you about your problems...
 
J

JeanPierre

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 4, 2021
Messages
2,030
Location
Southern USA
Welcome here.
I wish you well.
Your children need you.
 
T

toto

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2020
Messages
1,139
Location
München
Hello! What is your profession? I don't know how it is in the UK, but in Germany if you both work, the money is enough to live well. I would even say that it is not so bad with social workers.
You can make friends with your children's friends. By the way, I have two children and they are the reason I don't commit suicide, although I often think so.
 
T

toto

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 4, 2020
Messages
1,139
Location
München
I would recommend walking outside. Some sport against depression. This routine in married life can be deadly. Just don't give up. As far as I know, all the rich were poor and often had failures in the beginning. You don't have to have your own company in the West, you can live well as a simple worker, unlike people in the East and Africa, for example.
 
G

GoodGuy14

Member
Joined
Feb 24, 2021
Messages
19
Location
USA
Hovewer sometimes I am also tired of my life, but I should be strong because I have to help a lot of people everyday at my work.
 
B

Beef73

Member
Joined
Mar 9, 2021
Messages
23
Location
London
Why did your partner quit his job? He must have known you were mentally vulnerable?
 
J

Jolly

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2020
Messages
668
Location
United Kingdom
You are not alone. Don’t be ashamed of going to a food bank. There’s a lot of people now who use a food bank due to the situation with covid. This will be short lived until you get back on your feet. Sorry to hear about your cbt but I agree cab can help. You have so much to live for and I do hope you get the help you need. Sending hugs and hope the meds work. Vent whenever you want to as there is always someone on the forum for help
 
G

GoodGuy14

Member
Joined
Feb 24, 2021
Messages
19
Location
USA
Yep you are not alone!!!! Write us we will support you!
 
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