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I am out of control, I am afraid for my health

Missypoo1969

Missypoo1969

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 26, 2021
Messages
77
Location
Oregon USA
Hmmmm. Going thru it is hard. for me it’s literally been this last week. After 4 1/2 years. I know. Crazy. And I still flounder back and forth. But like I said this forum is really good for my soul. People help me and I like to help too. when I am super down I get on. it sounds corny but it’s working. I am an extremely social person so the isolation was really getting me. when the depression eases even for short periods of time that’s when you will feel more like getting up and moving around. I find if I go outside or for a drive I feel better but it takes a lot sometimes to go do something after I haven’t in awhile I get weirdly anxious thinking about it or I just feel too sad or lazy. If I accomplish at least one thing a day while I’m not working and feeling this way then that’s ok. I did one thing. Be super gentle with you. You will pull the other way eventually. Everything changes. Good and bad
 
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chargrillwon

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 16, 2021
Messages
549
Location
US
I don’t know what to do. I just feel like I’m falling apart at the seams. I had lost 30 pounds in 2019 and gotten married in a dream wedding in Spain. Three months after the wedding right at the beginning of the pandemic my dearly beloved new husband decided to just leave me basically ghosted me and then when I tried to remedy things it got so terrible and nasty. After that I sold my business which was essentially my identity for 15 years. I have gained all the 30 pounds that I lost and then some I am the heaviest I have been in my life. On top of my work going to hell my marriage going to hell my parents and my only sibling totally or not supportive and I don’t speak to them now and I am completely alone I have no support no reason and no purpose. I am angry all the time and the smallest thing sets me over the edge which pushes me into binge eating and then falling asleep in front of the TV, today after a stressful call with the mortgage company I ate a whole order of eggplant Parmesan and slept the whole day please don’t tell me I need medication I just don’t know what to do I have been getting therapy and I’m not getting better if anything I’m getting worse I stopped working so that I could take care of myself but I can’t even commit myself to working out or meditating or journaling

I don’t even know if this is right forum
I have anxiety and I know eating disorders are tough but eating disorders are tougher for those who over eat. People who are very skinny judging themselves and that is a terrible way to be however society celebrates you ( wrongly perhaps ) but when you are overweight not only do you judge yourself all of society judges you as well. As if it’s not enough that you beat yourself up so does the whole world

I tried to date how can I date when I hate myself so much who would want to be with me when I’m like this.

You’re in the right place. You’re not alone. Honestly it’s a show of sanity to freak out sometimes. Sometimes things are difficult to handle, tolerate, deal with. I’m also working on getting back in the path in a lot of ways having difficult life phases. Many struggle buddies to be found here. Wish you good fortune.
 
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Woundupgal

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
Washington DC
You’re in the right place. You’re not alone. Honestly it’s a show of sanity to freak out sometimes. Sometimes things are difficult to handle, tolerate, deal with. I’m also working on getting back in the path in a lot of ways having difficult life phases. Many struggle buddies to be found here. Wish you good fortune.
Thank you 🙏
 
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Bluefish1973

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 29, 2021
Messages
79
Location
Philadelphia
No I don’t have anyone . I live alone. My parents and brother live abroad and they have cut me off , I am divorced . My few friends have their own lives , I am alone all the time
No I don’t have anyone . I live alone. My parents and brother live abroad and they have cut me off , I am divorced . My few friends have their own lives , I am alone all the time
[/QUOTE
How are you feeling? Do you like this forum? Your going to be ok. Everything won't be great (obviously) but you can stick it out. You actually don't have a choice. You have people here who like you. Life definitely screwed you. I'm really am very sorry. You cannot eat yourself to death, unless you get food poisoning. I lost my job, in rehab, gained 20 pounds. I'm embarrassed to get new clothes. My relatives are sending me their pants. I live in Philadelphia, at its highest murder rate ever. 514 murders in 2021 (so far) I'm scared to go outside. Look at things in the bigger picture, if you can. Have a nice day.
 
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Woundupgal

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
Washington DC
Thank you. I managed to get out of the slump a bit yesterday , today back to moping around . Why does life have to be so hard ? I had so together great job great income probably even a descent husband
But it was never enough for me. I never appreciated all I had . And now 45 lbs heavier , business sold and gone, gave up on my career. and divorced and alone and estranged from my own family I just break down relationships every where I go.

I am glad I found this venue at least it’s a place to vent and people are understanding and it’s good to know my struggle isn’t alone.

I am so sorry to hear you are going thorough such a tough time too. Like you said what choice do we have we must go on. However it might be.

my therapist gave me a technique of sitting with my uncomfortable feelings and trying to be nice and compassionate to myself

But it’s really hard for me to have compassion for myself when I know that I am the reason for all my misery and my loneliness

so here goes another day

thanks for checking in

I hope you know you have helped me
 
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Bluefish1973

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 29, 2021
Messages
79
Location
Philadelphia
Thank you. I managed to get out of the slump a bit yesterday , today back to moping around . Why does life have to be so hard ? I had so together great job great income probably even a descent husband
But it was never enough for me. I never appreciated all I had . And now 45 lbs heavier , business sold and gone, gave up on my career. and divorced and alone and estranged from my own family I just break down relationships every where I go.

I am glad I found this venue at least it’s a place to vent and people are understanding and it’s good to know my struggle isn’t alone.

I am so sorry to hear you are going thorough such a tough time too. Like you said what choice do we have we must go on. However it might be.

my therapist gave me a technique of sitting with my uncomfortable feelings and trying to be nice and compassionate to myself

But it’s really hard for me to have compassion for myself when I know that I am the reason for all my misery and my loneliness

so here goes another day

thanks for checking in

I hope you know you have helped me
See?, feeling helped at all is something. Your NOT the only reason you feel miserable. Life is doing that for you. Yay for life. It sucks. Your not alone
 
Typhoon38

Typhoon38

Member
Joined
Dec 8, 2021
Messages
9
Location
North Wales
You're NEVER alone. You've reached out and that in itself is something to be proud of. It's all about self esteem - YOU MATTER and you need to keep telling yourself that because it's true.
 
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Woundupgal

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
Washington DC
How are you feeling? Just checking in you.
Hi there thanks so much for checking in I haven’t been very active on the site. I have my days some days are great and some days not so much but trying every day🙏 I just don’t see the purpose in it but where other choice do I have
 
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Bluefish1973

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 29, 2021
Messages
79
Location
Philadelphia
Hi there thanks so much for checking in I haven’t been very active on the site. I have my days some days are great and some days not so much but trying every day🙏 I just don’t see the purpose in it but where other choice do I have
Great days sound good. I'm very happy for you!
 
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