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I am out of control, I am afraid for my health

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Woundupgal

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
Washington DC
I don’t know what to do. I just feel like I’m falling apart at the seams. I had lost 30 pounds in 2019 and gotten married in a dream wedding in Spain. Three months after the wedding right at the beginning of the pandemic my dearly beloved new husband decided to just leave me basically ghosted me and then when I tried to remedy things it got so terrible and nasty. After that I sold my business which was essentially my identity for 15 years. I have gained all the 30 pounds that I lost and then some I am the heaviest I have been in my life. On top of my work going to hell my marriage going to hell my parents and my only sibling totally or not supportive and I don’t speak to them now and I am completely alone I have no support no reason and no purpose. I am angry all the time and the smallest thing sets me over the edge which pushes me into binge eating and then falling asleep in front of the TV, today after a stressful call with the mortgage company I ate a whole order of eggplant Parmesan and slept the whole day please don’t tell me I need medication I just don’t know what to do I have been getting therapy and I’m not getting better if anything I’m getting worse I stopped working so that I could take care of myself but I can’t even commit myself to working out or meditating or journaling

I don’t even know if this is right forum
I have anxiety and I know eating disorders are tough.
People who are very skinny judging themselves and that is a terrible way to be however society celebrates you ( wrongly perhaps ) but when you are overweight not only do you judge yourself all of society judges you as well. As if it’s not enough that you beat yourself up so does the whole world

I tried to date how can I date when I hate myself so much who would want to be with me when I’m like this.
 
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Bluefish1973

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 29, 2021
Messages
86
Location
Philadelphia
I'm surprised no one has gotten back to you. I had no idea where to go when I needed some feedback. So the last two-ish years have been hell bound for you? That sucks. I'm in rehab after 30 years of serious drug abuse. I HAVE to see a therapist. Are you able to do that? I just puke out all my problems and try to make sense of it. I rarely do, but going makes a difference. I hate going. Please don't hurt yourself or anything. I take melatonin to sleep. It's cheap and easy to buy. Good luck. I have been pretty happy here by the way.
 
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Woundupgal

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
Washington DC
I'm surprised no one has gotten back to you. I had no idea where to go when I needed some feedback. So the last two-ish years have been hell bound for you? That sucks. I'm in rehab after 30 years of serious drug abuse. I HAVE to see a therapist. Are you able to do that? I just puke out all my problems and try to make sense of it. I rarely do, but going makes a difference. I hate going. Please don't hurt yourself or anything. I take melatonin to sleep. It's cheap and easy to buy. Good luck. I have been pretty happy here by the way.
 
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Woundupgal

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
Washington DC
I won’t hurt myself
Thanks for your reply
But I’m killing myself one meal at a time one day at a time staying in bed every day. I have been getting therapy
 
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Bluefish1973

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 29, 2021
Messages
86
Location
Philadelphia
Is there anyone who can call you in the morning-ish? No one at all to eat with?
 
Missypoo1969

Missypoo1969

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 26, 2021
Messages
78
Location
Oregon USA
I am sorry to hear you are having these problems. How extremely hurtful and lonely. I am alone estranged from family as well. quit my job a week ago and have gone downhill. I too have gained weight. its a hard cycle to get out of. Hard to get out of bed and feel purposeful

just because you have gained weight doesn’t mean you aren’t attractive. all Kinds of people aren’t attracted to thin women. they like cozy😊. You are cozy. And that is wonderful. be gentle with yourself. You are just going thru it and after what you’ve been thru I can see why.
 
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Woundupgal

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
Washington DC
Is there anyone who can call you in the morning-ish? No one at all to eat with?
No I don’t have anyone . I live alone. My parents and brother live abroad and they have cut me off , I am divorced . My few friends have their own lives , I am alone all the time
 
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Woundupgal

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
Washington DC
I am sorry to hear you are having these problems. How extremely hurtful and lonely. I am alone estranged from family as well. quit my job a week ago and have gone downhill. I too have gained weight. its a hard cycle to get out of. Hard to get out of bed and feel purposeful

just because you have gained weight doesn’t mean you aren’t attractive. all Kinds of people aren’t attracted to thin women. they like cozy😊. You are cozy. And that is wonderful. be gentle with yourself. You are just going thru it and after what you’ve been thru I can see why.
I feel like I sold my business to take a break and work on myself but I have taken up depression and anxiety and over eating full time. I even tried to travel alone and I did for a few weeks after 14 days of being w people and their families it just saddened me more that I have no support And j tried being alone for a week while traveling but felt sorry for myself every meal alone no one to share it with. And no one gets its ! People around me complain but they have at least one person
Even my parents who are supposed to always love me just abandoned me
Thank you for your kind words 💗💗💗I really appreciate it . It’s so hard to be alone … if you just quit your job find some structure or routine or you might spiral into depression like me
 
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Woundupgal

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
Washington DC
Is there anyone who can call you in the morning-ish? No one at all to eat with?
I have a session w my therapist in am but I feel therapy doesn’t help I have been getting therapy for 1.5 years w two different therapists - switched once- and I have good days but I go back to my bad days
 
Missypoo1969

Missypoo1969

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 26, 2021
Messages
78
Location
Oregon USA
I feel like I sold my business to take a break and work on myself but I have taken up depression and anxiety and over eating full time. I even tried to travel alone and I did for a few weeks after 14 days of being w people and their families it just saddened me more that I have no support And j tried being alone for a week while traveling but felt sorry for myself every meal alone no one to share it with. And no one gets its ! People around me complain but they have at least one person
Even my parents who are supposed to always love me just abandoned me
Thank you for your kind words 💗💗💗I really appreciate it . It’s so hard to be alone … if you just quit your job find some structure or routine or you might spiral into depression like me
I have three interviews this week. Because if I don’t I will spiral. I already am. Last week. The holidays. I am completely alone too. Thanksgiving day no one in my family had any contact with me. I felt so depressed. very very alone and sorry for me. I got suicidal and
found this forum. It is helping a lot to know I’m not alone with how I feel.
I sold my flower shop back when COVID first hit to take care of my mama. i Have gained a lot of weight too. Although in the last week I had anxiety so bad I couldn’t eat anything but oranges lol. Idk why oranges. I feel abandoned too. It’s awful having not one person. This forum does help. It’s socializing with people just like you.
 
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Aprilshowers

formerly catmommy
Joined
Jul 18, 2021
Messages
265
Location
Canada
People who are very skinny judging themselves and that is a terrible way to be however society celebrates you ( wrongly perhaps ) but when you are overweight not only do you judge yourself all of society judges you as well. As if it’s not enough that you beat yourself up so does the whole world
You've been listening to advertising for too long. I don't find skinny to be appealing at all. Skinny is only the standard in the fashion industry. Don't throw away something good like being curvy in exchange for a skinny, boyish figure.
 
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Woundupgal

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
Washington DC
I have three interviews this week. Because if I don’t I will spiral. I already am. Last week. The holidays. I am completely alone too. Thanksgiving day no one in my family had any contact with me. I felt so depressed. very very alone and sorry for me. I got suicidal and
found this forum. It is helping a lot to know I’m not alone with how I feel.
I sold my flower shop back when COVID first hit to take care of my mama. i Have gained a lot of weight too. Although in the last week I had anxiety so bad I couldn’t eat anything but oranges lol. Idk why oranges. I feel abandoned too. It’s awful having not one person. This forum does help. It’s socializing with people just like you.
I am sorry you were alone for thanksgiving and I am happy you found here and i am glad i did too. Your message has been a comfort to me and I hope I can be there when you need it. life Is so hard w no one to love us or care for us .
 
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Woundupgal

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
Washington DC
You've been listening to advertising for too long. I don't find skinny to be appealing at all. Skinny is only the standard in the fashion industry. Don't throw away something good like being curvy in exchange for a skinny, boyish figure.
I don’t want to be skinny I was happy at size 14 even but u have gained 46 lbs , and I am 247lbs and 5 foot five that’s not healthy. I’m starting to have health issues I just wanna be like a size 12 or 14 and active
 
Missypoo1969

Missypoo1969

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 26, 2021
Messages
78
Location
Oregon USA
Be kind to yourself you’ve been thru a lot. Just do what you can and don’t feel guilty you’ll get your mojo back. When depression hits it takes away your drive to get off the couch. Unless it’s to get an Oreo in my case😊.
 
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Woundupgal

Member
Joined
Dec 1, 2021
Messages
18
Location
Washington DC
Haha Oreos . For me it’s more chips
I don’t even buy chips or Mac n cheese anymore I have no control
Thank you 🫂 How long do I just sit in the depression before I worry though
 
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