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I am only a kid, yet i suffered so much..!

S

Studiouskid

New member
Joined
May 11, 2009
Messages
2
I really so frustrated yet constricted!!:(
Few months ago, i told myself ONE BAD NEGATIVE WORD, which i am fear of ( my nature since birth is that, i am scare of saying negative words especially things to do with my good ability or talent or achievement), while studying damn hard for exam. I was under lots of stress ( iknow cuz all my mental plan for studying all messed up-suddenly). Then i said to myself, ''u will fail your exam!" I reacted to it with overwhelming fear. This fear make things difficult for me. To the extent that i depersonalise when reading/ studying for 3 months. Then i resorted to ''transferring'' these thoughts, which can make me react to it ( and the result is depersonalise when seeing books)...smth which i really really really don't wanna to think - ''think of somebody baddies, people i hate, people i won't bother to think, people whom i thought are digusting..blah'' the reason i transferred mainly to there is because it create more fearful feeling than the way i scare myself when i said the bad word to myself..And i really did..whenever i read/ studying or wanna plan things with regards to studying, my brain will follow the way it thought the latter and act out in my brain. i will have mental images of these people, one at a time, maybe for 1 day, a week, different people, in my brain, and it DISRUPTED ME ALOT! I can't visualise, i can't put my heart into it... it's miserable...i didn't follw my mental plan for studying and i really felt sorry to myself and yet angry at the same time for doing such terirble mental torture to myself.
My life most important thing is STUDYING. And this interrupted me alot..Please, please, please, please, please, people...i only need some real reason behind or terms of such disease of my mind!:( Or the best! some advice or cure!.
i did see a pychologist. But all day she does was to record down what i said, and ask what i fear, and this is the third time she is asking, despite telling her 3 times. She doesn't seem to understand, and my mom is going to stop me from going to the psychologist sooner, since it's ex, and she don't really knw what's going on with me.
I am only 14 yr old, btw.:(:cry::confused:
 
S

Studiouskid

New member
Joined
May 11, 2009
Messages
2
people i knw that it's hard to understand..but i think it may help if,
1. you could put myself in my shoe and for each situation, help me evaluate and waht is going, and try to join every up, and come to a suitable conclusion.
2. Then aybe give your advice and whatsoever.
3. like this, we can make the best use of the thread.
 
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