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I am not sure what's going on./Trigger Warning

E

emmaleemochizuki

Active member
Joined
Apr 13, 2020
Messages
30
Location
London
I have an very unhealthy relationship with food.

I was diagnosed with anorexia binge/purge subtype when I was 15. I have gone through stages when I am underweight/anorexic, bulimic and binge eat. I have relapses quite a lot of times, and had quite a few rounds of inpatient when I was with CAMHS, and also when I was transferred to adults.

The past year I have been maintaining a healthy weight, so professionals think I'm 'getting better' and it's not an issue any more. but they way I eat and manage food and exercise is still very disordered.

TW. currently I tend to fast for two days so I eat nothing and do a lot of exercise but water and then massively overeat for one day, taking in far too many calories. but because overall it is about the same as my maintenance calories I don't gain or lose weight. I feel like I'm more satisfied because I can 'binge' on the day I do eat, and eat whatever the fuck I want but I know this is not normal and very disordered. and after I binge I feel horrendous, and I end up purging anyways not that I trigger myself to throw up but I'm so sick that I just gag.

and I know its not normal eating a whole cake in one sitting, and a whole ice cream tub, a whole packet of cereal and thing likes that. but I don't know whats going on.

my body image is ok. I know I will gain a lot of weight after I eat primarily due to food and water. but I know I will lose it all again after fasting for a day or two.
 
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Tawny

Tawny

Well-known member
Forum Guide
Joined
Nov 10, 2019
Messages
1,450
Location
England
Your body needs a stable intake of a variety of vitamins. It is so important to regulate mood, sleep, digestion, and growth. I am not a dietician and don't know anything about eating disorders, but i do know that without a decent diet, a stable and varied diet, regular meal times, i cannot function and i feel so ill.

The body is so delicate and needs so much just to be healthy and keep us going through our lives. When we are old, if we have not eaten well, we might end up miserable with all kinds of health problems. A little fall and something breaks, then we might be in hospital for a month and then needing a carer at home, someone to bath us and take us to the toilet.

I for one don't want to be a burden on someone nor put some stranger through the ordeal of wiping my backside, or rely on anyone.

Have you spoken to your doctor? You don't have to live like this.

I understand mental health and how we try to cope with our difficult lives, but try and get this under control as soon as you can before any lasting damage is done.

Please keep writing so we know how you are going.
 
NWiddi

NWiddi

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Forum Safety Team
Joined
May 6, 2017
Messages
3,709
Location
Sheffiield
Safety Notice.

If you've been negatively effected by the contents of this thread please contact a member of the forum safety team, we take great care to make sure threads containing details of eating disorders are safe to read for others but we also don't like to take too much away from them either.

Your feedback is invaluable to us and will help us to better assess these kind of threads in the future.

Many thanks,

NWiddi - Forum Safety Team.
 
Lizaje

Lizaje

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 20, 2020
Messages
308
Location
Idk
What do you mean what's going on? That sounds basic for someone with an Ed, whether they think you're recovered or not, you obviously have problems eating and you should receive treatment for it.

Eating such amounts is dangerous so you should really get help right away and try to eat small meals but often; such as 5 times a day. Fasting coupled with eating such amounts of food possibly makes it even worse. You know what happened to that one girl who died. I recall she had been fasting a lot too and her stomach had begun to die already before she died.

I'm not trying to scare you, but to warn you and to urge you to inform a professional; your doctor or nurse or therapist about this immediately. :hug1:
 
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