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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

I am not able to understand myself / need help…



New member
Feb 6, 2015
Hello I am AJ from India. I am 37 and unmarried. I am in a problem. First of all I would like to discuss my early life briefly. My father was alcoholic and my uncle was mentally unfit (he used to live with us). I never liked my father as he used to beat my mother. My childhood was full of terror. I started feeling insecure in this world when I reached my teenage. I started feeling my self as alien in this world. Now I am full of doubts and confusion. I don’t know why I feel attracted towards guys. In office when I see any confident guy, I started feeling that wish he could be my brother who can give me emotional support, love and make me feel secure. But at the same time I start feeling attracted toward him sexually. I am very pessimist and under confident person. Whenever someone become my friend I become possessive towards him and also ready to do anything for him. Because of this mostly people use me as a doormat. At the end I feel alone because I feel cheated or other person leave because of my controlling nature. I have faced many heart breaks and pains. I am very confused and restless. I am not at all happy with my life. At present the only reason of my presence on this earth is my mother who loved me and I can’t leave her. I tried to change myself but I am not succeeding. I am not able to understand what is happening with me and how should I make my life smooth. I feel alone and depressed. I am full of inferiority complex. I always think that why nature had made me like this? I am on anti depressant from last 20 years, but these medicines are not helping me. I am feeling very alone now. It seems that no one is there who can understand me. I feel that there is a emptiness in my life. I am worried about my future. Life is very listless and meaningless. What to do where shall I go. I prefer to die but I can’t because of my mother. Can any one help me and show me the way? I will be really thankful.


Well-known member
Aug 18, 2013
East of England
Hi AJ and :welcome: to the forum. I'm sorry you are in such turmoil and pain at the moment. You have raised a number of problems so it's difficult to know where to start to unravel them and offer you support. Could you clear one thing up first - are you living in India now or somewhere else? This will make a difference to how people can advise you.
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