• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

I am new to this NEED ADVICE!!

H

Hard life

New member
Joined
Oct 19, 2018
Messages
2
Ive never posted on these sites before and its kinda hard...But here goes....From the age of 6 years old i lost my dad to an horrific death he died in a car accident which lead to him being 70% first degree burnt. I remember the police arriving at the hostel for mothers and children which we where in. I remember the police saying that my dad was decesed i did not fully comprehend the full situation all i knew was my dad was not coming to see us anymore...Even at 6 years old i kept asking the police officer "Wheres my dad"? it wasnt until i got a little older i truly understood what happend but by this time it was too late the damage was already done growing up with no dad.

My mum had been with my father since they where 11 and at the young age of 33 pretty much my age now! As you can imagine this crippled my mum. She tried her best to make sure we was ok and she did a bloody god job considering the circumstances.

I seen my mum go from being a nurse to taking prescription drugs and alcohol. The demise of my life started here seeing my mum take overdoses and struggling to cope was itself a hard life. I was only young during the beginning of this i had no idea at this age why my mum wanted to do this all i could think of WHY! Did she still love me of course having looks of my dad is it my fault?.

I went through the care system for a little while i felt my mum hated me as a child...I really did not understand at this point. As the years past i looked at other families and seen the father and it gutted me to a point where i did not want to live. I never finished school and left in year 9...

As the years past i got unto underage drinking taking drugs....I felt my life was over before it had begun. The next few years where even worse as i seen family die around me "Nothing but hurt pain and sadness" I have a brother and two sisters we fell apart as a family unit....I love my family greatly and not been able to reside comfort from them as we have all fell apart.

Over the years more things have happend...In may 2015 i lost my mum to an overdose at which i found her in her flat i tried to administer C.P.R but it was too late she was already gone������ my mum was and still is my best friend my mum dad and mainly my rock....I am struggling to cope through life when my mum passed i started drinking heavily..within two weeks of my mums death id lost my wife my job my children..And most of all i lost myself..

Ive struggled from a very early age and now im at my wits-end "What do i do"? i suffer with depression self harm and suicidal tendencies...Ive been passed from pilliar to post through the N.H.S and not really got anywhere I NEED HELP. Daily life scares me almost like a child who is scared of the dark. If anyone can help with advice this would be very helpfull....Its getting to a point now where i really dont want to be here ive been having nightmares lack of sleep not eating constantly being on a rollercoaster of emotions...I feel as though im being punished in this life and no matter what i do im being defeated at every corner i turn...How much can one human being take before its to late????
 
Last edited by a moderator:
calypso

calypso

Well-known member
Admin
Moderator
Joined
Jan 5, 2011
Messages
50,615
Location
Lancashire
Hiya Hard Life and :welcome: to the forum. What a tale of tragedy, you have really been through it haven't you? My deepest and heartfelt sympathies. Why did you lose your wife and children? It sounds as though you have hit rock bottom but you can only go up from here. I would strongly suggest that you need some form of therapy to guide you through this time. I don't know how much you can afford but there is good therapy out there for about £35 a session. I would strongly suggest you try some of the more depth therapy to go over all your feelings and try to give you more techniques to deal with your life.

I hope you don't mind but I added paragraphs to make your post more readable hopefully leading to more responses.

We are here to listen if you need to talk more. I wish I could come up with a very wise insight but I can't right now I'm afraid.
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
13,594
Location
England
Hi,
Welcome to the forum
I am very sorry for your loss, you have had a hard life.
You will find friends here, many of us have lost family and witnessed terrible things.
Are you still in contact with your sister and brothers?
Have you had any formal diagnosis?
What treatments have you tried?
Take care
 
H

Hard life

New member
Joined
Oct 19, 2018
Messages
2
Thank you for your reply its good to know that theres people who understand where i am coming from... I lost my wife and children through the fact of i started drinking heavily through the loss of my mum and she was not very understanding of the situation i am going through. I no longer speak or have any contact with my family...Im very much alone now-adays just left with my own thoughts which is not good..I really dont know what to do anymore... If homest i cant afford to pay private as i am only recieving E.S.A and its barely keeping my head above water... Im tired in mind and spirit and really dont see the future being bright ive struggled for years with my own deepest darkest thoughts...As i said in my previous statment ive been passed from pillar to post it seems as nobody wants to help me ive been put into mental institutes and NO HELP has been given it just seem like im a statistic and not a human..Ive screamed at physicians for help but not been successful as yet. For every 10 seconds of thought 9 of them seconds are horrible memories...How does one overcome this? I have no idea its been so many years of a rollercoaster of a ride of bad emotions how do i make good of all years???
 
soulsearcher

soulsearcher

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 19, 2016
Messages
3,275
welcome to the forum :)
 
Top