- Feb 15, 2015
Firstly I have come here as a means to possibly lift me from the overwhelming urge to end my life. I have had 6 failed suicide attempts over the past 18 years the last being 4 weeks ago, and prior to that June last year, 4 weeks ago I honestly thought there is no way I would survive but after being unconcious for almost 2 days I woke up in hospital yet again attached to a drip and all kinds of monitors. I can't believe my body won't let go. I then went to a psychiatric hospital which was a horrendous experience and my only way to get out of there was to pretend that I regret what I did and am now fine. I have regular home visits from the crisis team and see my doctor weekly, I suffer depression, anxiety and insomnia so am on 3 different types of medication, I also self harm as a release which can stop me from taking things further. Even with the medication I struggle to sleep. I have been awake for nearly 40 hours and cried constantly for about 26 of them. I had childhood abuse which has caused the depression and suicide attempts, I only opened up about the abuse after the attempt in June and am not sure I should have said anything. It put a massive strain on my marriage which is now just about over . We are having a family holiday in 4 weeks because we booked it a year ago but then we are separating, I don't know if I can hang on for the holiday because I really have had enough of life, I am torn because I want to have 2 weeks with my children and let them have their holiday before I end my life but the pain I am suffering is unbareable. I am so sorry to go on I am just in a very dark and lonely place.