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I am losing my mind as we speak

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Tom2020

Active member
Joined
Jun 23, 2020
Messages
33
Location
New Jersey
Hello, I have OCD. I am no longer on medication and it is getting worse. Iwash my hands constantly. I take multiple showers. I feel like Howard Hughes (from the aviator).

This morning it has showed that it gotten worse. A few minutes ago (20 minutes), I saw a bug on my bed. (We recently lost a family member and the ashes are near the bedroom on the shelf. It has attracted a lot of bugs. My house is under attack.)

I saw a bug on my bed. We ran to try to sweep it off the bed, but can no longer find it. I do not know where it is. I feel like throwing out my bed. I can not sleep anymore. We are looking for it, but it is not there. Did it leave? Who knows. But I am going to feel mentally sick all morning. Worried that it is walking on me. This happened a few days ago, and we had to throw out the pillow (it only reached the pillow). Now it walked all over my 2,000 bed.

I feel mentally sick. The germs of a bug is on my bed. And even when we kill it, the germs would still be there. I do not feel good. I can not stop thinking about the bug. I know this sounds fucking stupid, and that is why I came here to talk. My mental health is not good. I obsess over everything and always worried about germs.
 
Annelis

Annelis

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 26, 2019
Messages
198
Location
Slovakia
It doesn't sound stupid to me, a few days ago there was a spider near my bed and I couldn't sleep in my room until we found and killed it several days later. So I think k understand how you feel, but unfortunately I don't know how to make it better. :hug:
 
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LokiPokey75

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 1, 2020
Messages
584
Location
United States
Hi Tom2020!

I've suffered from OCD for over 10 years. I can understand what you're going through and I'm so sorry! 😞 It's hard to enjoy life at all when thoughts are constantly bringing you down.

As far as the fear of the bug goes, I think you feel afraid of the unknown. What kind of bug was it? It may be completely harmless. And if so, what if it does crawl on you? If it's harmless, there's nothing it can really do but tickle. If it's harmful, let yourself be okay with that. That is scary, but living your life in fear of a bug is scarier.

I could live my life afraid of tornadoes because I live in the south. But I'm learning that I can be okay even with the threat of them around. I've read that I should research tornadoes so I can understand them a little better and not feel like the situation is out of my control. I recommend you do that with the bug.

I also recommend seeking therapy to deal with this. It will help you to relay your feelings to another person. It has for me. I've learned so much about myself by opening up to another person.

Embrace that worst-case scenario, Tom. I know it can be frightening, but it will be incredibly beneficial for your mind and your quality of life. You don't deserve to life in fear of bugs and germs. You deserve to live in a place of peace and understanding.

I believe in you and I wish you all the best! Stay safe!
 
Hillman hunter

Hillman hunter

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 26, 2019
Messages
5,985
Location
West Midlands , England
hi tom, i had ocd so bad for years,
i was on pills for almost twenty years,
i had terrible problems with hanging clothes up, i would rehang them dozens of times, i thought in my head they wernt hanging properly, or they would crease , i was trapped for years with these fears, i also had a obsession with my tv aerial , i thought it wasnt connected properly , it was but my mind was damaged, i would break aerials it was that bad.
im living proof that you can get over it, i never thought i would but i did,

its true what lokipokey says, embrace the worst that could happen, and then work backwards from that, i thought the world would end if i didnt mess with my clothes or my aerial . the world didnt end,
i got better, i never forget how i felt, it was horrid,
your taking the first steps by writing here, well done,
all the best , and you have lots of folks here who understand
 
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TheHeartHasAVoice

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 14, 2020
Messages
339
Location
Australia
How long do you stay inside the room? I have over 20 years experience with OCD and have noticed that changes especially in nature help a lot. Is there a backyard with a bit of grass you can sit on for a little while?
 
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Tom2020

Active member
Joined
Jun 23, 2020
Messages
33
Location
New Jersey
How long do you stay inside the room? I have over 20 years experience with OCD and have noticed that changes especially in nature help a lot. Is there a backyard with a bit of grass you can sit on for a little while?
Not long. It happened when I was trying to sleep. And I changed the sheets, pillow cases, bedspread, so everything is okay now. Still feel like throwing out the pillows though.
 
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Tom2020

Active member
Joined
Jun 23, 2020
Messages
33
Location
New Jersey
Hi Tom2020!

I've suffered from OCD for over 10 years. I can understand what you're going through and I'm so sorry! 😞 It's hard to enjoy life at all when thoughts are constantly bringing you down.

As far as the fear of the bug goes, I think you feel afraid of the unknown. What kind of bug was it? It may be completely harmless. And if so, what if it does crawl on you? If it's harmless, there's nothing it can really do but tickle. If it's harmful, let yourself be okay with that. That is scary, but living your life in fear of a bug is scarier.

I could live my life afraid of tornadoes because I live in the south. But I'm learning that I can be okay even with the threat of them around. I've read that I should research tornadoes so I can understand them a little better and not feel like the situation is out of my control. I recommend you do that with the bug.

I also recommend seeking therapy to deal with this. It will help you to relay your feelings to another person. It has for me. I've learned so much about myself by opening up to another person.

Embrace that worst-case scenario, Tom. I know it can be frightening, but it will be incredibly beneficial for your mind and your quality of life. You don't deserve to life in fear of bugs and germs. You deserve to live in a place of peace and understanding.

I believe in you and I wish you all the best! Stay safe!
Think I have a phobia of bugs. I wonder if that is a mental problem.
 
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